Author: yachnaa

  • Pregnancy Survival Guide: Third Trimester

    Pregnancy Survival Guide: Third Trimester

    Hoorayyy! You’ve made it to the third trimester. The third trimester is from week 27 to the end of pregnancy. While you may be ready to have your little one in your arms by this point but your baby still has growing to do. While you patiently wait to move on to the next stage, this post outlines tips for a healthier and relaxed third trimester.

    What does the third trimester feel like?

    When asked to describe her experience of the third trimester, a pregnant mom describes it by saying, “The third trimester feels similar to the first trimester because the exhaustion and constant peeing come back. You’re experiencing a huge discomfort as your belly gets bigger; you have to re-strategize how to do your daily routine. Like, shaving your legs is a whole workout, and the process and prep for switching sides when laying down is a struggle.”  

     Despite all the physical and emotional challenges, most moms would never trade this magical feeling for anything in the world. The biggest reward, one mom adds, is “when you feel your baby kick and move around to the sound of your voice or your touch. The feeling and sensation inside honestly feel like magic. Like every single time, it’s like, whoa, you’re alive inside of me.”

    With a few more months to go, I have a few tips to make your last stretch a bit more easy and comfortable:

    1) Support team of new/experienced moms:

    Moms know the best. The quote ” life doesn’t come with a manual. It comes with a mother,” isn’t just said for no reason. They magically have cure to every problem you have. I’ll never know their secrets. So, now would be a good time to pick their brains. A pregnant mom shares, “there have been multiple times where my thoughts almost eat me alive, talking to experienced moms eased up all of my worries and anxieties about a lot of things.” 

    2) Belly butter for the stretch marks: 

    Pregnancy and stretch marks go hand-in-hand. As the baby grows in your womb, naturally, your skin would get some stretch marks that should otherwise be called your badge of honour.

    Recalling how she sought relief to her stretch marks, a mama states, “my stretch marks happened so fast and so quickly, so that’s another thing that’s been hard to cope with considering stretch marks was a huge insecurity of mine. Loading up on body butter is going to be a lifesaver for you. ” I alternate between bio-oil, shea butter, coconut oil, and almond oil,” she adds. So, load up on the belly butter!!!

    3) To breastfeed or to not breastfeed: 

    The decision to breastfeed or not to for your baby is a very personal one. The best way to decide would be to learn more about this process by reading books, we recommend this one or proactively speaking to different moms on online facebook groups or on quora.

    There’s still a lot of stigma with the need to breastfeed, and it may look like something easy and natural to do. But, the reality is that it’s not a breeze. One mama mentions, “I am under pressure by the older female generation in my family to breastfeed successfully, but the reality is that for a lot of women, it’s challenging than you can imagine. So, do your research.”

    4) Excercise:

    Feeling tired and exhausted most of the time is entirely normal during the third trimester of pregnancy, and rightly so. But, encourage yourself to do light exercise daily. A long walk, swimming or yoga class will make for a healthier pregnancy and help you sleep at night. Additionally, adding a few gentle leg stretches may help to reduce leg cramping at night.

    5) Keep track of baby’s movements: 

    As the baby grows bigger, there is little room for movement due to your uterus being crowded. It’s always good to keep track of your baby’s movements. And, contact your doctor immediately if you notice a decrease in the baby’s movements. 

    Kick Counter app is the most highly recommended one from a few different people and articles. It’s good to start maybe once a day when you know the baby is awake, but as you progress, count more often because, by that time, your baby should have a more consistent period of when they’re awake. 

    6) Create a birth plan: 

    It’s always best to make one so that there is a general idea of how you want things to go in case of an emergency. For instance- what kind of delivery do you want: C-section, natural or water. Decide on whether you want an epidural or not. And, finally, who you want in the room with you. 

    7) Pick a hospital to give birth in:

    If you have a specific doctor you are comfortable with, ask for their professional advice on the hospitals they recommend. Research your local hospitals that are close in proximity, have top-quality doctors and medical staff, or even get reviews and feedback from other mothers to help you make this decision. 

    8) Eat healthy food: 

    Now more than ever, it’s essential you eat well balanced and healthy meals because the baby gets all its nutrients from you directly. 

    a) Eat small frequent meals:

    “Everything feels so squished up in your body, so you can’t eat much at once. So eat small meals but increase the number of meals. Also, you continuously eat because you’re incredibly hungry all the time”, adds another new mom. 

    b) Be cautious of the sugar content:

    Fruits and vegetables are the best sources of nutrients for pregnant women. But, one has to consider the portions of the fruits. “I failed my first diabetes test, and it was because of eating too many fruits. I was shocked to learn the sugar content of fruits, and it’s been a challenge trying to minimize the number of fruits,” advises a mother. When it comes to your diet, eat everything in moderation. 

    9) Getting good sleep:

    Your body has grown so much in so little time; the discomfort during this stage of pregnancy can break up a woman’s sleep cycle. Recalling the last few weeks of pregnancy, a mama reveals, “sleeping is so hard I would have to find the one position that was comfortable and then stay there, but not too long because I would get these killer leg cramps.”

    If sleep is something you (like all pregnant moms) struggling with, try these easy fixes-

     a) Pillows: If you have trouble getting comfy in bed, get creative with your pillows. Use them to support your body parts that feel uncomfortable. Pro tip: many women find folding a pillow over, and placing between the legs can help. We recommend using a pregnancy pillow.

      b) Environment: Make sure your environment is right for sleeping. Please switch off the TV or laptop, turn the lights off and make sure the window is open for fresh air. Pregnant women tend to feel hotter, so make sure the room is cool enough. 

    Finally, If you still have trouble falling asleep, try reading a book for a while and have a warm glass of milk with turmeric.

    10) Stay hydrated: 

    It is essential to stay hydrated as your kidneys are now ‘peeing for two’ and will be filtering up more blood than usual. So, make sure you’re drinking plenty of water. Like most mothers, if you need to track your water intake, we recommend buying this super cute water bottle that exactly does that. 

    11) Relax and self-care: 

    While it’s completely normal to be stressed and feel anxious during pregnancy, you must keep your calm and stay relaxed. If you’re feeling tense, take a warm bath just before bed and try a few deep breathing or relaxation exercises.

    Moms start to experience a lot of stress as they mentally prepare for this new role and chapter of life. Self-care is so essential during this time. “I’ve been journaling my journey and doing the paint by number canvases,” states a mom. Stretching and yoga are other super useful things, especially with all the back pain you feel due to pregnancy. 

    12) Enjoy some alone time:

    This is the only time you’re going to have for yourself before the baby arrives, so enjoy it as much as possible. 

    I hope this helps. All the best! Most of all, sending you all virtual kisses and pats on your beautiful pregnant bellies. Take gentle care of yourselves during this magical time of your life. 

    What pregnancy tips would you share? Did you have any unusual cravings? Anything else that you would like to share? I’d love to know in the comments below. 

    xx

    Yachna

    P.S.

    More tips for first trimester and second trimester.

    (Picture credits Gigi Hadid, Kylie Jenner, Shay Mitchell, thebirdspapaya, blossomingbirds,)

  • Do You Have A Hobby?

    Do You Have A Hobby?

    Earlier this week, my cousin asked me to help with her art project. I readily agreed, wanting a break from the monotony of my days. I was pleasantly surprised, but it also made me realize that…

    I don’t have a hobby.

    Sure, I love reading books, listening to music, hanging out with my friends, long walks (if it counts as one?) or this blog. I am not sure if it counts as a hobby. Eventually, all of them seemed like work or a task sometimes, no matter how much I adore doing in my weekly routine. And on these long winter nights with strict quarantine regulations, it was refreshing to help my cousin with her project.

    Shortly after, she explained to me the project- to use cuts outs from magazines, books, newspapers or comics and implement different art forms using the cutouts. Naturally, my interest piqued in her little art project. With everything going in the world with politics, work and mentally preparing for the cold weather ahead, I found it was calming to have a little hobby that required my full attention. Furthermore, it made me forget about the everyday worries, mindless unintentional scrolling or any activity that leaves your mind lazy and bored. No thanks.

    Here, I share with you our week full of art activities that were fun for my brain, mind and soul. Here goes:

    We tend to underestimate the power and beauty of art in little things around us. I urge you to try something that feeds your mind. A hobby that’s just yours for you to have fun and have a good time. It had the same effect on me as reading poetry. All week it was exciting to have a fun project planned. Now, I have something new and exciting to fill up my days with. I would highly recommend you try carving out some time for a hobby. No rules. No explanations. Just fun.

    Here’ a little tip: find something that brings your thoughts and focus on the now. You have to be fully present and immerse yourself in your choice of activity.

    It was a gentle reminder of this quote from the Deads Poets Society: “We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.

    Lastly, don’t underestimate your hobbies- whatever they might be for you. Don’t be scared to make mistakes, have fun, unlearn what you already know and learn something new. Look at things from different perspective.

    Do you have a hobby? Are you someone that would love to share their hobbies or flaunt their work? I’d love to hear/see your art.

    P.S.

    Have an exciting weekend. Treat your mind with love.

    xx

    Yachna

  • My Beauty Cocktail: Sabrina Mann

    My Beauty Cocktail: Sabrina Mann

    Photo by alvina.artist

    Sabrina Mann is an Edmonton based fashion model and a beauty consultant. She is also a serious beauty enthusiast who posts her own incredible makeup and hair tutorials on Instagram. “I want to inspire others to live a meaningful, passionate, and fulfilling life.” she describes as her motto in life.

    Here, she shares her all-natural vegan skincare routine, her go-to lipstick and how her online business transformed her life. 

    First, let’s talk about beauty. What’s your beauty philosophy/mantra?

    I like to keep things organic and natural! Having healthy, glowing skin is a necessity! Wearing minimal to no makeup and feeling fully confident is the ultimate goal! 

      When do you feel most beautiful?

    I feel the most beautiful as my natural, confident, happy self. Being a fashion lover, wearing my styled looks makes me feel even more beautiful! 

     Anyone that follows you on Instagram knows you’re a big skincare enthusiast. Could you walk me through your morning/night skincare routine?

    My Monat skincare routine has absolutely transformed my skin!

    I love starting with the Be Balanced cleanser, using the water essence to refine my pores, the C Radiance serum for vitamin C (to get that glow) in the mornings, and the rewind age control nectar at night, and finish with the Be Balanced lightweight moisturizer

    I also love using skin tools every few weeks to give my skin some extra care. My faves are my blade for dermaplaning, microdermabrasion and micro-needling! And of course, don’t forget to exfoliate 2-3x a week with a gentle, hydrating scrub! I use this one.

     The word self-care is buzzing right now. What are some of the things that help you feel good?

    Number 1 on my list would be taking a nice hot bath! Baths help me wind down and also help my sore muscles since I workout regularly. Having a gym routine has helped a lot with my energy and really helps clear my mind. I also love meditating every morning and night. Really helps start my day off right and release or work through any stagnant energy! 

      We’ve talked about your love for fashion, and it’s clearly evident on your Instagram. You’re always doing different fashion hauls on your Instagram. Do you have any favourite sources?

    My favourite places to shop at are Zara, Artizia, Garage and Dynamite!! Most of my wardrobe is from those brands. For online shopping, I do like Pretty Little Thing and boohoo

     You’ve mentioned several times that your business has changed your life. Can you tell me a little bit more about that?

    I work with Monat- a vegan hair and skincare brand, and it has changed my life forever. I started this online business, not having a single clue about anything that I was doing. It made me super nervous, but I met such amazing supportive and like-minded people! Being in that environment pushed me to grow and become the person I am today. 

    I have grown so much as a person over the last two years of my doing this business, and it makes me so happy. I want to make a difference in this world and inspire others to control their lives and do the things that make them happy! My business provides me with the stability and flexibility I need to live out this lifestyle! 

      Who’s your fashion inspiration, and why?

    I wouldn’t say I have one specific fashion inspiration, honestly. I take inspiration from so many places! Pop culture, designers/brands or celebs have always influenced my style. I take what I like and make it into my own.  

    Your go-to makeup routine? (with product names) 

    I like to keep it simple and minimal. I love doing full glam, but natural makeup that highlights my features is my go-to! 

    I start off by prepping my skin with Rejuveniqe Oil. After I use my base primer for a dewy glow. After primer, I use my Maybelline camouflage concealer for any under eyes or blemishes. I don’t use any foundation or bb cream. Right after concealer, I use Kat Von D translucent powder to set. Then, I use Hoola bronzer to warm up the skin, Charlotte tilbury blush to add colour, Benefit tinted eyebrow gel for the fluffy brow look, and finish off with Charlotte Tilbury mascara

    Your go-to lipstick?

    Lolita by Kat Von D

    Bold lips or bold eyes?

    Bold lips for sure. 

    One person living or dead you could go to dinner with, and why?

    Rihanna because she’s my idol!! A queen inside and out, I’d love to meet her.  

     With your social media presence on Instagram, how do you maintain a level of privacy in your life

    I like to be open and vulnerable to my social media and show people the real me! To show people that I am not this perfect person, share my struggles, and celebrate my wins. Of course, that doesn’t mean I share absolutely everything. There are certain boundaries I have; however, I am generally a very open person.

     Your Instagram is extremely uplifting and optimistic. I was pleasantly surprised to see that same level of optimism in real life. Where does all that positivity come from daily? 

    It all started with my personal development journey that went hand in hand with starting my business. Mastering your mindset is key! I don’t wake up energized and motivated every morning. It all comes down to my mindset, discipline and desire to be better! If there something I am passionate about, I will absolutely do everything it takes to achieve it. Yes, I do have my days where I am not so positive, but I have the compassion and awareness to shift my perspective during those times. 

     You are always so confident and seem so unshakable at all times. However, we as humans tend to have insecurities no matter how much we deny. What do you do to curb your insecurities?

    Yes absolutely! I would say I am 99% confident and have maybe 1% insecurities. That is the result of all my personal growth, but it wasn’t always like that. Whats really helped me overcome my insecurities is fully accepting who I am and stopping comparing myself to others. 

    I am uniquely me, and no one else can be that! I am on my own person and on my own path and journey in life! Comparison is literally a killer of dreams and confidence. Just remember you cannot be someone else, and they cannot be you. Only YOU can be you, so always speak and live in your truth. Accept yourself for the beautiful, living, breathing soul that you are. 

     Having a business based on your cell phone certainly has many advantages but can sometimes take a toll on your mental health. Do you ever have any days where you want to take a social media break? How does that affect your business and clients?

     I absolutely do take breaks from social media! However, since I have the right work/life balance, I rarely need a long break. I am also a very organized person, so I have systems where if I do need time away, it doesn’t affect my business or clients! My company does not solely rely on social media, so taking breaks does not affect my clients or income too much!  

    Thank you so much, Sabrina! If you wish to book a skin or hair consultation with Sabrina, please reach out to her on instagram.

    P.S.

    A fashion stylist shares her beauty tips.

    Featured Image by alvina.artist

  • Ask Yachna: “When To Walk Away From A Relationship”?

    Ask Yachna: “When To Walk Away From A Relationship”?

    When to walk away from a relationship? a reader reached out to me last week and expressed her problems in the following the question.

    Q: “I am the type of person that has a hard time quitting. I keep it going until I am black and blue; now, the older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realized that this isn’t exactly a fully positive quality. My question is: when do you call it quits? How do you differentiate between trying harder and making things work and cutting your losses and moving on.”

    This is such an excellent question. Thank you for bringing this forward. We’ve all been at a point in our lives where we’ve asked ourselves: “should I give up and walk away from this relationship?”

    First, I want to start off by saying there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. Even the happiest of couples will have fights, arguments, disagreements and temporary break-ups. That’s completely normal. 

     There will be a time when you’ll have to remove the rose-tinted glasses and see if those seemingly little arguments/disagreements are leading to significant roadblocks in your relationship. 

    If you are at this crossroads of your relationship, then that means you’ve been given several reasons to walk away. If I were you, I would ask myself this question- by not giving up on that relationship, what are you giving up?

    I’ve put together a little guide based on my personal experiences for you in hopes that this helps you attain better clarity of your relationship, and you’re able to make the most informed decision.  Here goes:

    1) Your relationship does not make you happy:

     Any relationship, be it friends, family or romantic, should bring you happiness. You should look forward to seeing your partner and spending time with them. Obviously, you cannot be consistently happy all the time. That’s not realistic. 

    If you start to feel consistently unhappy, maybe it’s time to ask yourself why? Perhaps it’s you or maybe your partner. It’s good to understand why you are feeling unhappy, so it’s good to know why you are feeling unhappy. So, you can either fix the problem or choose to leave. There’s no shame to admit that your relationship is not offering you the same support and contentment that it once was. 

    2) You’re on different paths in life:

    Sometimes you can start a relationship in one place, but you can change mindsets as you grow. Long term relationships can be amazing as you grow and change with your partner. But, sometimes, you grow and change at a different rate than your partner. If you and your partner are moving in different directions, it can be challenging to navigate the relationship. Sometimes, you can be in other places emotionally, and you might not want the same things. If this is the case, then you should separate amicably. 

    3) Lack of support:

    In a relationship, support is critical. In a healthy relationship, you build each other up and have each other’s back no matter what. You want to feel like your partner believes in what you’re doing and is your biggest cheerleader. If that kind of support is missing, you can start to feel let down, discouraged, and disappointed. 

    Lack of support in a relationship can create an emotional void that can damage and potentially end the relationship. If this has been addressed several times and you find yourself in the same situation, then’s it’s time to leave and drive off into the sunset. 

    4) Abuse of any sort: 

    Any abuse: physical, verbal, emotional, financial and sexual abuse and so on. If your partner has abused you in any way, then this is a clear sign for you to walk away from the relationship. This remains non-negotiable.

    Any kind of abuse is damaging and results in trauma and heartbreak that stays with you. An abuser always tends to convince you to stay. If this is the case, please, you should leave for your own safety. Please understand there are help hotlines available, and you must contact should you need them. Remember, you are not alone in this. 

    5) Lack of trust: 

    The foundation of all relationships is trust. The trust between you and your partner should be strong. If it isn’t, that could lead to a lot of doubts and insecurity in the relationship.

    Lack of trust, more often than not, could lead to jealousy. If you don’t trust your partner, you could work on it and try to rebuild it. Losing your partner’s trust is a sign that something is majorly wrong within your relationship, and you’ll need to address it.

    However, if your relationship is past the rebuilding stage, maybe because your partner betrayed your trust too many times, then it’s time to leave. It’s hard to rebuild a trust that’s been broken one too many times. It’s all about what makes you happy. 

    6) You’re putting in more effort than your partner: 

    An ideal relationship requires a joint effort. While a little compromise and a little give and take are expected in a relationship, there’s something that should never have to be given up in love. 

    So, when you take note of all the things you’ve to give up to be in that relationship and give more than you are getting back, then it’s time to walk away from that relationship. I understand being alone is hard for some people more than others. Having someone to care for you is nice, but it shouldn’t cost you your happiness. 

    7) You feel like you’re alone:

    If being with your partner makes you feel alone, then you might as well cut the dead weight, cut your losses and give yourself space to remember what you really want your life to look like. Remember, if you wanted to be alone, you would be. 

    8) You are stuck in a toxic cycle:

    For example- you keep attempting to address an issue, and it keeps happening again and again. When you’re in a relationship with another human, you’re both going to make mistakes. Repeatedly. We make mistakes, and we forgive each other and hopefully forget. 

    However, if it’s something that you feel is not unreasonable and within their grasp to change and, in turn, make your life happier together, and they refuse any effort, that’s no way to live. We should want our partner to be satisfied.

    Always remember, an apology without changed behaviour is just emotional manipulation. 

    9) You’re living in the past: 

    If you find yourself living in the past, how things once were more than the here and now. Things should grow deeper and become stronger over time. If you find yourself lost in the theatre of nostalgia, well, you can play that movie as a singleton anytime while at the same time beginning a new act of your life with the prospect of a happier future.

    Remember, 

    Before you plan your exit, allow your partner to address the issues you’re having (unless it’s infidelity or abuse. That’s a no-brainer: walk away from that relationship). Give them a chance to fix what they may not realize is broken. You owe them that much. Communicate how you are feeling. If they are genuinely “in it,” they will want to make it right. If you have given them the chance to help you write it and don’t choose to take it, consider it a mutual decision and call the movers.

    You know one of the hardest decisions you’ll ever make is when to stay with somebody and when to leave someone for good. The moment you start to think about walking away from a relationship, you’re done with it. Once you’ve mentally disconnected from a relationship, the physical will follow.

    You’ve got one life. Be true to yourself. It may be scary to think about life after you leave, but it’s even more frightening to imagine staying with someone who doesn’t value you as you deserve to be appreciated.

    (Really though, if you’re asking this question here, that’s a pretty good indicator that you already know. Follow your instincts.)

    Finally, leaving a relationship is really difficult. I hope everyone who’s going through it will find much-needed peace and happiness. If walking away keeps you away from chasing a fairytale for the rest of your life, please walk away.

    Have you had to make this decision? What signs made you leave?

    P.S.  

    More dating tips.

    (Featured Image from Yeh Jawaani Hai Dewaani).

  • On Healing From The Loss Of A Loved One.

    On Healing From The Loss Of A Loved One.

    Ilustration by harrietleemerrion

    Healing from the loss of a loved one-

    Whether you’ve lost a pet, a friend, a parent or a child, I want you to know that-

    When you’re on your knees, your world is falling apart, and you don’t know how to breathe, it’s perfectly ok not to be ok. When life finds you grieving a loss that will stay with you, while the world will be hellbent on getting you to be the person you will never again be.


    Ilustration by aolanow

    After losing my dad to cancer, I was devastated beyond words. I didn’t know how to adjust to the new reality. My world without him seemed incomplete. I had never known how permanent death could be. 

    More than anything I wanted to stop the unbearable pain of losing my dad. I would wonder if I could ever live an authentic life and deal with loss at the same time. Will I ever get back to being the person I used to be?

     Even though I was aware of my father’s terminal cancer, nothing prepared me for the devastation grief would bring upon my life. On the journey of healing from the loss of my father, here’s one thing I have found to be the truth- 

    You can never get over the death of a loved one.

    Healing from the loss of a loved one is not easy. Therefore, through this post, I can merely tell you the ways I learnt how to carry my grief in a way that allowed me to live and find my way back out of the darkness. 

    I won’t give any empty words of advice, no easy steps to get your way “back to normal.” Your new normal would be adjusting to this new bitter reality. With time, you’ll learn to be with what is yours to be with now. This post comes from my heart, for I know the pain death brings. 

    Illustration by aolanow

    1) Acceptance:

    The first step towards healing is acceptance. Initially, of course, you’d deny it, refuse to accept it- but it’s there. The pain and heaviness are present anywhere you go. You look at the world differently.

    You get upset, angry, and try to make it go away, but the pain is a part of you. Don’t try to fix it because it can’t be, but you can acknowledge the presence and accept it. 

    2)Let go of the guilt:

    No one talks about the guilt that comes from losing someone a loved one.

    After losing my dad, I felt guilt was one of the strongest ones out of the many emotions I felt. There’s the guilt of not having cried long enough, of laughing at a joke too soon, of not having said proper good-byes, the guilt of moving forward with your life, the guilt of him slipping through my mind for a minute and finally the guilt of being alive while he’s not. You couldn’t have changed anything. So, be easy on yourself. 

    Illustration by aolanow

    3) Sit with your emotions:

     You cannot heal and live an authentic life if you try to deny or suppress your emotions. Emotions are the force field of the soul. You need to feel and sit with every feeling in your body. It’s necessary to experience the intense sadness, pain and anger you are feeling. 

    2) Practise gratitude:

    After my father passed away, I would fondly look back on the times that we spent together. I don’t see those times that I am missing or now don’t have—but seeing those times as a gift when he was on the earthside. Planting little seeds of gratitude daily will be something you will thank yourself for. This thinking is from a place of love. 

    3) Legacy:

    After losing my dad, I thought about all the things I learnt from him, such as kindness, unconditional love, living life to the fullest, giving back to people and compassion. Ever since I have tried to keep his legacy alive by doing more of the things learnt from him. Let your loved one live through you. 

    Illustration by aolanow

    4) Looking for answers in spirituality:

    I turned to my family’s spiritual learnings and wisdom after his death. I learnt that the soul never dies; only the body perishes. I was able to look at my grief as the only truth of life. I found comfort in knowing that we can’t control life and death. The only thing we can do is make the most of what we have. I learnt the most important lesson in life: the things we do with our time while we’re alive. 

    5) Believe they are always watching over you:

    I was repeatedly told by my friends that death does not end a relationship. “Your dad may have left the earthside but is always watching over and guiding you.” they would remind me every time I missed him. I had to believe that this is true. I needed this to be true because it was comforting. As they say, “your thoughts become your reality,” and I chose to believe that even though dad may have left us earthside, but our souls are eternally connected. 

    Ilustration by aolanow

    6) Revisiting the details of the death of your loved one:

    My father was diagnosed with a cancerous tumour in his brain. Looking back at the days when he was sick in the hospital, I could see the pain in his eyes. Every day, cancer was taking over him, and it was painful. Nobody wants to be in pain all day every day. Thinking positively about death helped me heal. It hurt less to think he was no longer in pain. 

    7) Understand that everyone grieves differently :

    When my dad died in September 2017, I felt as if I had been cut out of the world and placed somewhere unrecognizable. Everything was the same and yet so different. I felt as if I couldn’t function in this world anymore. His absence felt surreal. I couldn’t comprehend for me to be here without him and for the world to continue. His favourite shops, street food corner, carried on serving as if he had never existed. 

    I’ve come to realize people deal with grief very differently. There’s no single and right way to grieve. 

    Ilustration by jessiecave

    When my dad passed away, we as a family dealt with grief in different ways. On some days, I turned into a blubbering mess-unable to leave the house without crying at every memory of him. 

    Every little thing in the place reminded me of him. The idea that I would never be able to see, speak, touch and laugh with him again would send me deep down the rabbit hole. I found comfort in my solitude, in sleeping and a whole lot of crying. On the other hand, my brothers held it in, acting stoic, going to work, and keeping busy.

    Illustration by aolanow

    8) Creative Coping 

    The first few weeks after my dad passed away, the only seemingly good days I had was writing about him or getting together all his pictures and videos and putting them in albums and making collages out of them. Similarly, you could immerse yourself in cooking, baking, painting, colouring, etc (you can pick any creative outlet that brings you relief). These activities may sound so simple that it’s easy to doubt their effectiveness. 

    Ilustration by theimaginarylibrary

    9) Talk to someone/ seek therapy:

    Bottling up your feelings has never done any good. Share the pain you are feeling with your people. 

    If not, then speak to a professional. Therapy is always a good idea. I did not because I opened up with my family and that was all the therapy I needed.

    It’s easy to forget that there are so many others carrying that same emptiness within. I shared my pain with my loved ones. We would all gather around after dinner and share our favourite stories of dad. Those stories would make us laugh, cry and miss him more. But, we all carried that pain together. As a family, sharing that pain deepened our bond.

    Illustration by leahreenagoren

    10) Online support groups:

    While I never sought professional help from a therapist, I did the next best thing. I joined several online support groups that had lost their loved ones to the same kind of cancer my dad was diagnosed with. We were all just healing from the loss of our loved ones. This may not be your usual course of action but it worked for me. More than anything, I heard so many stories about how so many other families have experienced this pain. It’s a club no one wants to be a part of, but it was comforting to know we’re not alone.

    Illustration by charlotte.ager

    11) Don’t Rush:

    Don’t rush yourself towards “healing” or a “completion” that can never be, and now learn how to be present with unbearable pain and unfixable horror. The journey to healing from the loss of a loved one is different each day. Grief comes in waves, and somedays you’re drowning. It’s a lot of batting with your emotions, the loss and the emptiness. There are no rules and timelines. Go at your own pace. Whatever that might be. 

    Through my grieving journey, I have learnt that the pain never goes away; it just becomes a part of you. 

    Illustration by aolanow

    There are so many people grieving along right now. Healing from a loss of a loved one can be heavy and I want you to know that you’re not alone. Can we as a community offer them much needed support and advice? What rituals helped you grieve? Was there a meditation, a book or a network that helped you? Please share in the comments below. Thank you in advance.

    P.S.

    More tips to heal your mind.

    xx

    Yachna

  • Ask Yachna: “How To Deal With a Guy Who’s Giving Mixed Signals”?

    Ask Yachna: “How To Deal With a Guy Who’s Giving Mixed Signals”?

    I am excited to kick off the first installment of the blog’s new relationship column. Today, I will be starting off by answering the first question I got on my Instagram by a reader about dating (I’d love to hear some of your responses on it too). 

    Q: “You know what I’m dealing with this situation right now, where I talked to this guy I used to go to school with, but I’ve been getting extremely mixed signals from him. He said he didn’t want to talk as much but keeps hitting me up still! I have enjoyed his company, but I also feel like if I reply to him & act like everything’s okay, I’d be putting my integrity on the line. I like this guy, but I also don’t know what to do here.”

    Girl, I feel you. I’ve been you. I cannot think of anything more frustrating to deal with.

    When a guy truly likes you, there will be no mixed signals. Mixed signals come from the man who isn’t just that into you. I know that sounds harsh, but it has proven to be true in all my dating history. When a guy tells you that he doesn’t want to talk as much, I would just leave him be. 

     He still hits you up and tells you that he doesn’t want anything serious means he just wants to have fun and also on his terms. Clearly, not on yours. That’s not okay.

     I would set some boundaries, even if you want something casual. He likes you but also wants something casual, that’s fine if you want the same thing. But, both of you should be able to reach out to one another without feeling like you’re giving up your self-respect. The feeling needs to be mutual. However, you are not feeling that way.

    Another thing, when you have to act like everything’s okay and suppress your true feelings to keep the conversation going, then you know it’s not a healthy setting. You will never have to feel like you are putting your integrity in line with a man who genuinely cares for you. We, women tend to think that men usually are not good at expressing their feelings. Let me tell you, that’s not true at all. When a man likes you, he will make sure you know that he’s into you. Believe me, when I say men go above and beyond for the woman they have feelings for. 

    Remember, always put your self-respect over feelings. Casual or serious, it doesn’t matter. 

    Do you have any words of advice that you would like to add to this situation? Do you have any questions that you would like to answer in the next week’s column? Please let me know in the comments below. 

    P.S.

    Another awesome dating tip.

    xx

    Yachna

  • Do You Have Any Dating/Relationship Questions?

    Do You Have Any Dating/Relationship Questions?

    Do you have any dating/relationship questions?

    Over the past few years, I have thought to myself, why not become a dating coach? I’ve always had a passion for helping my loved ones, especially when it came to their dating/relationship life. The seeds of it started to plant in my mind while watching ‘Sex and the City.’ Watching Carrie salvage her dating problems into a column was a not-so-guilty pleasure of mine.

    Starting next week, I will be answering questions about relationships, including dating, marriage, divorce and everything in between. With some help from my friends, I will answer all of your questions in a new segment titled “Ask Yachna.”

    Do you have any questions like why am I getting mixed signals, what questions to ask and not ask on a first date, how to walk away from a relationship that’s not working? Have you ever been ghosted? The list goes on… whatever is on your mind, I’d love to hear from you.

    Please leave your comments below. Or, if you’d like, you can DM me on Instagram or email me at [email protected] with the subject line “Ask Yachna.”

    xx

    Yachna

    (Image from Normal People).

  • Why is Sexual Violence A Huge Issue in India?

    Why is Sexual Violence A Huge Issue in India?

     

    Why is sexual violence a huge issue in India?

    “My daughter was lying naked with her tongue bitten and protruding out, with heavy bleeding from her eyes and vagina. Her eyes were bulging out, and she was bleeding from her mouth, neck, and blood near her eyes. I quickly covered her with the pallu of my saree and started screaming,” recalls Manisha Valmiki’s mother as per a report by Newslaundry.

    As per the victim’s mother, the police did not listen to them and said, “Just take her from here. She’s being dramatic and lying here. Do you want to trap us?”

    The gang-rape and murder of the 19-year-old from Hathras has shaken the entire nation’s consciousness sending shock waves across the country. The victim’s family remains inconsolable as they fight for justice. The police officials cremated the body without any of her family being present at the funeral—a life of humiliation.

    Today, women across the country no longer feel safe. Stories like these stay in our collective consciousness for a long time and send shivers down our spine. Any form of sexual violence should never happen to anyone. Ever.

    Other than the slow implementation of anti-rape laws, the other two cultural reasons for sexual violence in India, in my opinion, are these-

    1) Lack Of Proper Sex Education:

    Sexual violence in India is largely due to a lack of sex education.

    Suppressing sex, tabooing is the primary cause of all the rapes that happen in India. It’s indisputable! People try to avoid and escape discussing and educating people about human sexuality, which is one of the many aspects of life. During biology classes, the chapters concerning the human reproductive system are either left out for the students to understand by themselves or taught in brief. The only “education” that a person gets is through porn. 

    Sex education needs to involve learning about what coercion is, it needs to educate teens about privacy, genital care, sexualities and most importantly consent.

    A boy, for example, won’t be educated on what menstruation is. This conversation gap creates an awkward environment where the sister keeps hiding her pain and sanitary napkins from her brother. 

    If you are a girl, your cleavage is distracting, and it needs to be hidden/covered at all times. Almost every girl has experienced the ” change from your shorts/skirts into pants because we have guests coming over.”

    The occurences of such conversations are so common in our society, it speaks lenghts about the mentality we are battling.

    2) Rape is not about sex. It’s about power:

    There have been many contradictions on the statement: “rape is not about sex but power.”

    However, from the perspective of a rape victim, there is nothing sexual about the experience. The experience is one of being powerless, of forcibly giving in to the power of the perpetrator. It is the polar opposite of everything that we believe about sex. To describe it as a sexual experience is despicable, for lack of a stronger word.

    But rape literature is written by victims, and by people who sympathize with victims. Conflating the horror of a victim’s experience of powerlessness with the possibility that anyone – even the perpetrator – might have viewed the incident as being in any way related to sex is offensive and, therefore, unacceptable.

     


     

    There are numerous cases where the victims fail to report the crime. Have you thought of those girls who still didn’t get Justice? And those who get molested daily but still can’t push back due to fear? Just because of the hypocritical society, people won’t be concerned about your situation. Instead, they will start questioning your character and judge you as someone who provoked the guy to molest you.

     Even within a family, some people molest their cousins or nephew or a relative. In that situation, who do you go to complain? Will anyone trust her? Or will they question her character? There will be a simple answer to this: your mentality, teachings, and upbringing. 

    Those who believe women as an object something to play with are the ones who do all these disgusting practices. Rape destroys families and communities. The trauma resulting from it haunts the victims for the rest of their lives.

    The only way to get rid of such a situation is to empathize with the pain they are going through. Rape is a horrible thing and needs to end. The culture in India is hellbent on moral policing, their daughters that they forget to give their son sanskaar.

     

    Lastly,

    Celebrate sex; it’s beautiful to give and receive pleasure. Parents speak to your children about sex when the time’s right. Do not avoid the topic because it’s uncomfortable for you. That’s brutal and selfish. Men respect a woman; she’s the greatest gift bestowed on humanity. 

     

    xx

    Yachna

     

    P.S.

    Have a beautiful weekend.

    (Featured image by TikiWen).

     

  • What’s the Most Beautiful Thing You’ve Ever Read?

    What’s the Most Beautiful Thing You’ve Ever Read?

    What’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever read?” I ask because…

    Earlier this week, when I sat down to research what to write next for my blog, my mind was running a blank. I felt lazy, uninspired and out of sync with myself. Every night after dinner, I would get under my covers, reading the saved quotes from my favourite movies and books. I stayed up late at night, rereading them while they brought me comfort and joy. You could say, like a warm blanket on a chilly day. 

    At that moment, I decided I would compile these beautiful quotes as this week’s blog post for you in hopes that you find comfort in them, just like I did. 


    “For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”
    ― Eric RothThe Curious Case of Benjamin Button

    “Maybe… you’ll fall in love with me all over again.”
    “Hell,” I said, “I love you enough now. What do you want to do? Ruin me?”
    “Yes. I want to ruin you.”
    “Good,” I said. “That’s what I want too.”
    Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell To Arms

    “She wasn’t doing a thing that I could see, except standing there leaning on the balcony railing, holding the universe together.”
    J. D. Salinger, A Girl I Knew

    “Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”
    ― Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum

    “Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
    “Pooh!” he whispered.
    “Yes, Piglet?”
    “Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. “I just wanted to be sure of you.”
    ― A.A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner

    “If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together.. There is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart.. I’ll always be with you.”

    “I wonder what Piglet is doing,” thought Pooh.
    “I wish I were there to be doing it, too.”
    ― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

    “He kisses—how do I explain it? Like someone in love. Like he has nothing to lose. Like someone who has just learned a foreign language and can use only the present tense and only the second person. Only now, only you.”
    ― Andrew Sean Greer, Less

    My mother did not choose a leaf or a head. She chose my father. And to hold on to a certain feeling, she sacrificed the world.”
    ― Nicole Krauss, The History of Love

    “If he loved with all the powers, he couldn’t love as much in eighty years as I could in a day.”
    ― Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

    “I think, quite frankly, that the world simply does not care for the complicated girls, the ones who seem too dark, too deep, too vibrant, too opinionated, the ones who are so intriguing that new men fall in love with them every day, at every meal where there’s a waiter, in every taxi and on every train they board, in any instance where someone can get to know them just a little bit, just enough to get completely gone. But most men, in the end, don’t quite have the stomach for that much person.”

    ― Elizabeth Wurtzel, Bitch: In Praise of Difficult Women

    “I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. And I don’t want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. I want to eat cold tangerines and sing out loud in the car with the windows open and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes and read books so good they make me jump up and down. And I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift.” 

    Shauna Niequist,  Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life

    What about you? If you have a minute, I would love to hear your favourite line from a book or a movie.

    P.S.

    A beautiful love story.

    xx

    Yachna

    (Image from the Instagram of wanderlustface).

  • My Beauty Cocktail: Angelli Garcia

    My Beauty Cocktail: Angelli Garcia

    A 23 years old, Edmonton-based fashion stylist and the proud owner of her fashion e-commerce store ‘Gikan,’ Angelli Garcia is one of my favourite people to follow for style on Instagram. I’ve come to admire her effortlessly sexy style, all while being sophisticated. Her style mantra, she quotes, “I wear whatever I feel like wearing. I go for pieces that are timeless and last me long.”

    Here she shares the products that make her skin glow, the muses that inspire the beautiful work of Gikan, and her golden beauty rule (that everyone needs to hear).

    What was your idea of beauty when growing up?

    “Growing up in the Philippines, colorism was a big part of my culture. I think colorism exists in most of the cultures. The standard of beauty was that the lighter and skinnier you are, the better off you are in life. It’s not right for any specific body type or colour of the skin to be the standard of the beauty.”

    When it comes to your style, what’s your mantra?

    “My mantra, I would say, is I wear whatever I feel like wearing. I usually tend to go for pieces that are timeless and last me long. I don’t have a set style since I love sportswear just as much as skirts and dresses. Since working retail at Nike for a while, I’ve collected my fair share of Jordans and Nike sneakers. The only rule I have when it comes to personal style is to wear everything with confidence.”

    The name of your brand is ‘Gikan’, what does it mean?

    “Gikan means to come from in Bisaya. I carry my language and culture within me daily, and that is something I don’t want to lose sight of in my work.”

    How did ‘Gikan’ start?

    “Gikan started in 2019, with handcrafted bags. I bought scrap fabric from Cebu. 

    I decided to rebrand and provide a clear vision of what gikan is. Through Gikan, I openly embraced my culture after feeling a massive disconnect from it when I first moved here.

    In Gikan, you will see a significant impact of my culture in my designs and how I create every piece with purpose. Gikan normalizes that we are different, making us all beautiful-just the way we are. And that’s empowering to me. My intent with Gikan is to bring quality handmade products, all the while having the image of a modern Filipina as my muse and inspiration.”

    Out of all the designs from your collection, which one of them is closest to your heart and why?

    The Cebu top because it was the one that got Gikan off the ground. At first, I was selling bags with traditional Filipino textile lining, but that didn’t work as successfully as Gikan is now. The Cebu top got so popular so quickly. I made it for myself first, and everyone else loved it too. So, I hold it very near and dear to my heart.

    What is your philosophy when it comes to creating designs?

    “My philosophy, when it comes to creating, is simple but also timeless. To create more with less. I skip fast fashion trends and keep the style like our Cebu top. That top fits all body types, and I think that’s beautiful. I intend to design all my pieces to be more inclusive for everyone in all shapes and sizes.”

    What’s your muse when creating your clothes and bags?

    “The pride I feel in being a Filipina” is the driving force behind my fashion pieces. I get inspired by the deep blue ocean, the green trees, and Cebu’s sun’s warmth while brainstorming ideas for designs. And, you will see these colours reflected in all Gikan designs.”

    You mentioned earlier that you handcraft all your merchandise. That’s pretty impressive. Can you describe the process? 

    “I start with a vision in my mind. I typically get my ideas at the oddest hours, like at 3 am. Then, I create a pattern for it. After experimenting with some samples’ vision, I go ahead and do it on the actual material and from there on, I sew. 

    As for earings, I usually play around with the different clays’ colours and see what I like the best. 

    Of course, I wouldn’t want to put anything out for accessories and clothing that I wouldn’t like, or I wouldn’t wear. So, that’s one of my top priorities.”

    How is your skin so gorgeous? Walk us through it.

    Thank you!!

    It took a lot of trial and error for me to get the right products for my skin. My skin routine completely changed after my trip to Asia (Korea and Japan), where I discovered a lot of AMAZING skin care products that have worked magic on my skin.

    Before that, I used skincare from Boxy Charm. I am thankful for the $30 subscription box each month, which allowed me to experiment with different skincare and makeup products.

    I start off by washing my face with Senka White Clay Facial Cleanser. Then, I use The Ordinary Toning solution. After, I put on Hadalabo Gokujun Hyaluronic Lotion Moist followed by The Ordinary Plant-Derived Squalane. Finally, I moisturize using my First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Cream. My skin would be a wreck without it.

    My final step after the moisturizer is the Dr. Jart Cicapair Cream. I LOVE this cream.

    Exfoliation?

    Yes, I exfoliate twice a week or when I feel the need for it. Dr. Brandt Microdermabrasion is my favourite but the St. Ives Anti-Acne scrub is more affordable and also works well with my skin. I wash with a cleanser right after or the other way around. It’s not a huge deal to me which one I put first.

    I dermaplan once a week to get rid of the little fuzzies or any dead skin. Right after I use The Innisfree Super Volcanic Pore Clay Mask. I LOVE the mask. It makes a HUGE difference on the skin because my skin feels brand new and fresh after.  

    If you could only use one skincare product all your life, what would it be and why?

    ” Without a doubt Cicapair. It corrects all the redness on my skin. It’s a beautiful green in colour but after a while, it blends into your skin. When I wake up, it looks like I have used concealer on my skin. It gets rid of all the unevenness on my skin. It’s is my FAVOURITE product so far, and I would highly recommend it. 

    Having experimented with several makeup products, could you walk me through your make up routine?

    I start by using a Soap Brow and Spoolie to set my brows (I use a disposable one that i’ve been reusing and washing).

    I then use IT Cosmetics CC Cream Illumination for full coverage on my skin (it also has SPF). After, I use Too Faced Born This Way Concealer for a natural finish.

    For my brows I use the Morphe Brow Cream, it’s so inexpensive and makes my brows look fuller.

    For Bronzer, I use Physicians Formula Butter Bronzer in Sunkissed. The bronzer is super affordable and goes on so beautifully. After I use Wet n Wild Color Icon Blush in mellow wine and Wet n Wild Highlight in golden flower crown.

    After the final step, I use the Morphe Continuous Setting Spray, which is light and refreshing and holds my makeup all day.

    For mascara, I use the L’oreal Telescopic Waterproof Mascara.

    What is your go-to lipstick?

    I would go with something nude like Sephora’s Lipstories Lipstick in 06-tan lines. Or, just the Laneige Lip Glowy Balm in berry more often.

    If you could have dinner with one person, dead or alive? Who would it be and why?

    I would choose one of my ancestors that I have never met. Because I want to know more about my roots, stories about life experiences back then they were alive. That would give me so much insight into not only my culture but also myself. It would be cool to know about the similarities and differences between us.

    What’s next for ‘Gikan’?

    I have this vision of showcasing other Filipino designers’ work in Gikan. Not only the Gikan house brand. More like a one-stop-shop for various Filipino makers, artists, and designers.

    I am hopeful that I get my own space in the future. For now, we are just going to remain as an e-commerce site and create things that I am passionate about creating. I am excited to see what’s next for us. 

    Thank you so much, Angelli. We can’t wait to see what’s next for Gikan.

    P.S.

    A simple trick to happiness.

    (Photos of Angelli from her Instagram, photos of Angelli with bags by Katherine Kingston.)

    xx

    Yachna