Sidewalks

Author: yachnaa

  • Have You Ever Been Ghosted?

    Have You Ever Been Ghosted?

    If you aren’t familiar with ghosting, then SPOILER ALERT!!, this is no fun…

    Confusion hurt, and even anger circulated through my body. My face flushed with tones of bright red and pink. The voice in my head shouted out questions I did not have answers to “Am I not good enough,” “What did I do wrong?”. Two days had passed without any word from the man whose name popping up on my phone screen simply brought a smile to my face. Ghosted. He ghosted me!  

    Since wallowing in a tub of ice cream is only fun for an hour, here are six things I’ve learned, including some very sound advice from the people that are wiser than me. I hope this brings you comfort (if and when you need it).

    1) No Contact: 

    Trying to solve the mystery can result in unhealthy behaviours— sending a barrage of texts, creeping on the other person’s social media—that can get dark fast, explains Erika Martinez, PsyD, a licensed psychologist in Miami, Florida. So, no texting, calling or snooping through their social media. I find most of the time, “the best reaction is no reaction at all”.

    And, regarding that deep need for closure: “He doesn’t want to speak to you.” I would instantly remind this to myself, and all my urges to text him would go away. 

    2) Don’t Take It Personally:

    In conversation with one of my friends, who also happens to be a therapist, said, “He may be struggling with issues that have nothing to do with you.” He further added, “people with emotional immaturity and very bad social cues ghost people.” Yikes!!

    These words didn’t make me feel instantly better, but it did give me a fresh perspective. Ghosting says a lot more about (the person who ghosted you) than you.

    3) Connect With Yourself:

    …and suddenly things feel better. To stop obsessing every detail that led up to the event, I focus all my energy on my reading a book, journaling, or any activity that boosts my mind.

    For me, the best response to being rejected by anyone in life, is to ask myself, “how can I make this the best thing that ever happened to me?” and then do that. And, that’s how you make rejection empowering and inspiring.

    4) Boost-Up Your Self-Esteem 

    Getting ghosted can be a blow to a person’s self-esteem. Dressing up, doing my hair, painting my nails, wearing my best shoes and going out with my girlfriends does the trick for me. Just get out there and have a fantastic time!!

    4) Talk To Your Friends:

    My girlfriends are the therapists that I could never afford. On the phone playing over analyzing every little detail with my friend about this, she very casually replied, “In the grand scheme of life, this man is just ONE hot second.” And, I CANNOT tell you how amazing that felt to hear.

    So often situations seem worse than they really are. It’s great to be reminded to step back and look at the big picture. 

    5) Long Drives

    One of my favourite things to do is to go for long drives solo. Anytime I am low and need some downtime for myself, I get in my car turn on my music, and I just drive. I especially enjoy long rides with no destinations with my true few. Honestly, so special.

    6) Let It Go

    Being ghosted is like being told you are not even worth the effort to write a text. That alone was my reason to move on.

    For the first few days, I couldn’t shake the feeling of being disrespected and humiliated.”I am better than this!” I declared to no one in particular. For me, I have decided that I do not want to be with the type of person who would ghost me. “Don’t burn daylight chasing the wrong one. The right one won’t run.”

    Then one morning you wake up, the sun seems brighter. And, just like that, you look forward to never look back again.

    Have you ever been ghosted? If yes, tell us what happened. How did it make you feel? How did you handle the situation?

    P.S.

    You need to know that you are enough.

    xx

    Yachna

    Featured Image: Gossip Girl Top Image: Me by Meghan Diniz.

  • Seven Self Care Tips To Treat (your mind) With Love.

    Seven Self Care Tips To Treat (your mind) With Love.

    Hi Friends,

    Have you ever heard of the Universal Law “As Within, So Without”? Neither had I, my friend Marilda told me about it.

    I say this to say …it’s very easy to get stuck in the everyday hustle-and-bustle of life. It’s even easier to let ourselves slip in the process, but pause and refuel we must. Remember, friends, “we are not pouring from empty cups anymore.”

    Over the past few months, out of all the Self-Care approaches I have tried, these seven worked wonders for me:

    1) Meditation

    I decided to start my days with some meditation. Initially, I only did it for 5 minutes, and now, I can meditate for up to 20 minutes. And…much to my surprise, it fueled me up. The change really is in the details, guys.

    2) Gratitude Exercise

    I follow up on my meditation with some gratitude exercises. I use ‘The Five Minute Journal.’ And, let me tell you, I was wrong in thinking that writing every morning and evening for five minutes would be a piece of cake. It isn’t.

    This gratitude journal changed my life. I found myself enjoying the simplest things in my days that typically, I am too ‘busy’ to notice. This journal has been an uplifting addition to my life. And I cannot recommend this enough.

    3) Optimize Your Screen Time

    This one speaks for itself. Scrolling mindlessly on Instagram is convenient. Make a conscious effort to replace your screen time with some social interaction. Or, simply being in your presence.

    Reducing screen time to only a specific time in the day has opened up room for better things in life for me. As it will for you.

    There are several apps you can use that helps in reducing your screen time. My friend John cannot stop raving about this app. Try it out and let me know what you think.

    4) Exercise Regularly

    Move your body. Go out for a walk, jog or a run. I would recommend Chloe Ting home workouts if you are skipping the gym. I am currently doing the two weeks shred challenge. It’s quick, efficient and completely free.

    5) Journal

    I find this to be the most therapeutic thing out of all. There is no structure to what I write. I let my mind flow and write my heart out. Tip: Set a timer for 25 minutes without stopping to edit. You will be pleasantly surprised to see the positive changes within.

    6) Get 7 Hours Sleep

    Have a set bedtime and stick to it. Curling up to a good book and chamomile tea are my nightly rituals. My sleep is non-negotiable for me. It sets the tone for the next day.

    7) Eat 3 Meals A Day

    And make them healthy. Make sure there are plenty of greens and some sort of protein in every meal you are eating. Take care of your body, and it will do the same in return.


    Try them, if you will, and share your results with me. I promise you will thank yourself. Your soul will thank you for it.

    P.S.

    A Simple Trick To Happiness

    xx

    Yachna

    Illustrations by aolanow & elizabeth_draws

  • Remembering My Hero On Father’s Day.

    Remembering My Hero On Father’s Day.

    When I was a child, I was asked a question that I never forgot, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”. Without giving any real thought to it, I readily replied, ‘Papa.’ 

    More than a decade later, I often think about my answer. And, as I grow older, I get clarity on my answer.

    Papa was not like anybody I knew. He never once told us how to live. He lived and let us watch him do it. For instance, every year he would organize langar for a local village. Through that, I learnt that the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.

    He appeared very tough on the outside. Being very outspoken, he came off as intimidating to people that didn’t know him. On the inside, he was warm as a blanket. He had silly names for everyone. To be around him was to laugh out loud. To know him was to love him.  

    Even though my siblings and I were miles away in a boarding school. He rarely made a month without visiting us. Neither did he miss any school events, despite his motion sickness and the long drive to the mountains. 

    From late-night ice-creams to long road trips, watching comedies together and laughing our hearts out, I look fondly upon the best moments of my life.

    He was a child at heart. Like, a kid in the candy store. I think it was because he was robbed of his childhood. He was only 13 when his father passed away by murder. Although we never used that word to describe it. A few years later, his mother suddenly passed away. So, he had been through much tragedy in his life. 

    Following his parents’ death, he took many responsibilities very early on in his life. Life wasn’t easy on him. Rarely ever complaining about it.

    Growing up, I never saw him cry. Until one day, when I was leaving for the airport to Canada. He hugged me so tight and cried. That was our last hug.

     A few months later, on the phone, mom was nervous to tell me the news: “Dad’s tumour has returned,” she said. “You all need to come to India asap.”

    That was the beginning of an end.

    The undefeated man I always knew was no longer there. The tumour had taken over him. Looking at the man in the wheelchair, I understood that papa was gone. Furthermore, he had lost the ability to speak and eat. Watching him go through that, shattered me, daily. 

    Regardless, I would sit beside his wheelchair every day and talk to him. I would fill him in with daily happenings. He listened quietly.

    Looking at his eyes, during those days, I could see the pain in them. His eyes said that his mouth no longer could. The silence was deafening.

    Precisely 22 days later-on September 05, 2017, he passed away. That day, a part of my heart died with him. Looking back, I wish I had captured all our moments in a lot of pictures and videos. For now, I am thankful that you were my father. I would pick you over and over again.

    Miss you, papa. 

    Happy Father’s Day. I love you. 

    P.S. 

    Here’s to all the amazing fathers and father figures. You complete us. We are indebted to you. Today. Tomorrow. Always. 

    xx 

    Yachna

  • The Secret To Living A Happy Life.

    The Secret To Living A Happy Life.


    Lately, I have been thinking a lot about what it means to be happy.

    Everyone I have met has a different definition of it. Lately, I have been feeling some kind of way about everything that is happening in the world. I am angry, frustrated, sad and then all of it together.

    I could no longer keep going like this. Everything felt like a drag.

    To life myself up, I decided to re-read my journals titled ‘My Happy Days’.

    After going through all those journal entries, I realized for me happiness was synonymous with gratefulness and being content. The days I practised gratitude and gratefulness were in fact, my happy days.

    However, this was not always the case.

    When I was younger, I chased after materialistic things. Back then, I associated happiness with superficial and materialistic things. For instance, I thought having a good shoe collection would elevate my life. Or, fame, hot boyfriend, model looks, great ass, etc… The list is endless.

    I was naive to think any of it will be a factor in the quality of my life. They weren’t. Neither will they ever be.

    I have since realized that happiness remains hidden in little things…

    It is to stop and smell the roses. Savouring the present. Enjoying good food with the your people. Long walks. Night sky full of stars. Good coffee. Great wine. Ice cream on a hot day (or any day). Amazing sex. Caring for others. Practising kindness.

    Just open yourself up to the little joys of life. And, that’s the secret.

    Just a a few hours after writing this post, I stumbled upon this beautiful poem on Pinterest (of course, where else?) that ties in with this post. And, I wanted to share it with you…

    We’re waiting for tomorrow,

    But tomorrow never comes,

    Our last breath is right upon our heels,

    Yet we still refuse to run,

    86 400 seconds,

    And we’re in another day,

    All slipping through our fingers,

    As we look the other way,

    Days, weeks, months and years,

    Are made up of right now.

    A string of fleeting moments,

    That we never can pin down,

    We gaze into the future,

    As though it’s where we’re meant to be,

    Always planning for that day,

    When we can say that we’re happy,

    We spend so long looking forward,

    That we may as well be blind,

    Since we don’t see until the very end,

    All the things we’ve left behind,

    Now I know it’s just a theory,

    But I think I’ve worked out how,

    The only way to happiness,

    Is to love what we have now.

    P.S.

    So simple. Who knew?

    xx

    Yachna

    (Illustration by Yaoyaomva) (Poem by Erin Hanson)

  • On Becoming Actively Anti-Racist.

    On Becoming Actively Anti-Racist.

    The recent tragedies of Ahmaud Arbery, George Floyd and Breonna Taylor have left the world in agony, outrage and doubt by the ones that should protect us.

    Basic fairness and justice is all that has been repeatedly asked for. And, it has not been given.

    I am frustrated. I am tired of being tired. If you feel the same way, then this is for you.

    I am no expert in anyway but here are five steps we can all take together to do better:

    1) Making the goal to become Anti-Racist:

    In the words of Angela Davis, “ In a racist society, it is not enough to be non-racist.  We must be anti-racist”.

    Confront privilege. Understand your own biases. Take some time out to sit and examine your patterns of thoughts and behaviours. This is the most difficult part. To look within and introspect if we are in anyway biased intentionally or unintentionally. And, then correct those patterns.

    Call out your friends and family when they say racist things. Speak up!!

    I have been racking my brain on what to say. No words I had seemed enough. No words will ever be enough. Nothing seemed right. But, then I realized it’s important to say something. In the words of Martin Luther King Jr. , “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”

    Yes, I am brown. And yes, I have experienced racism.

    However, I know that I will never fully understand the systematic oppression and racism faced by my black brothers and sisters.

    I will never fully understand the vulnerability of being black, when any white person could end your life at any moment without little to no consequences.

    And, that is heartbreaking.

    The “I don’t See Colour” mantra is not the goal here. In fact, the goal is understanding the injustices that black people suffer because of it.

    So, “See The Colour”, accept it, and stand against the injustices that happen because of it.

     That’s THE goal.

    2) Reading Books:

    As a non-black person, I try my best to expand my knowledge in any way I can on Black Lives Matter.

    Here a few books you can read to educate yourself:

    a. Between The World And Me Ta-Nehisi Coates

    b. The Hate U Give Angie Thomas

    c. Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi

    d. The Autobiography of Malcolm X Malcolm X

    e. Born A Crime: Stories From A South African Childhood Trevor Noah

    f. I know Why The Caged Bird Sings Maya Angelou

    g. White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism Robin Diangelo

    I would love to hear some of your suggestions on this as well in the comments below.

    3) Listening, Watching, and Learning:

    There are a lot of other resources besides books to educate yourself.

    Thanks to the following accounts on Instagram that you can follow to expand your learning on race and racism:

    a. ShaunKing

    b. Blklivesmatter

    c. TheConsciousKid

    d.Naacp

    Subscribe and listen to these podcasts on important discussions about racial equality and justice:

    a) 1619

    b) About Race

    c) Code Switch

    d) Pod Save The People

    e) The Diversity Gap

    f) Momentum: A Race Forward Podcast

    I would also recommend watching, “When They See Us” a Netflix documentary. Many parts of the documentary were difficult to digest. But, it’s a crucial watch.

    4) Understanding That Racism Is A Systemic Issue:

    Racism is not an individual issue. It’s a systematic issue. The “justice” system is designed to oppress the people of colour. It has repeatedly failed people of color. Police brutality is the first step of a process that treats people of color as less than human. And unequally. This is deeply rooted in our system. Educate yourself on  anti-blackness North America was built on.

    5) Donate:

    Support by donating to black- owned businesses and organizations. Here are some organizations that you can donate to today:

    No Justice. No Peace.

    P.S.

    “There comes a time when silence is betrayal.” SPEAK UP!!!

    xx

    Yachna

  • The Powerful Reason Behind Chrissy Teigen’s Cravings!!

    The Powerful Reason Behind Chrissy Teigen’s Cravings!!

    “ I started Cravings because I wanted something for myself. I wanted something John didn’t buy.”

    I love Chrissy Teigen for a lot of reasons. She has consistently been hilarious, brutally honest and very relatable about a ton of issues on her social media. But, the newest reason to love her? Her tweet about the reason she started her cookbook, Cravings.

    Teigen reveals the reason she started Cravings was she wanted to have something that John didn’t buy for her. And honestly, is there a more honest and vulnerable statement?

    That statement could have come from every “housewife” who started their own side business to feel validated and it disheartened me.

    This statement was just another reminder for me, that as humans we have a burning desire for validation and approval. Regardless of one’s social status. 

    And, then I was reminded that everything that we do in our lives is a direct result of a type of approval that we look for from it. We look for approval from the people around us. Friends. Family. Spouse.

    And, on the off chance that we don’t get that validation, we crumble.

    Then, this reminded me of my own need for validation.

    Up until I was 20, I relied solely on my parents to buy me everything. And, I mean LITERALLY everything.

    It wasn’t until I got my first pay cheque working that something inside me started to change.

    I remember feeling proud. It was the first time I “earned” something in life. It felt like I had accomplished something to earn my family’s validation.Being able to make my own money meant everything to me from then. It was a self- validation that I didn’t even know I needed. Until, I got it.

    In fact, I started this blog because I needed to be something more than a corporate sell out. I remember having sleepless nights trying to wrap my mind around the idea that my day job was all that I amounted to. I felt small. I needed to prove to myself and others that I was more than what I did for a living.

    I needed to feel happy again.

    And, happy is exactly how I feel, every time I am ‘working’ on my blog. It’s meditative for me.To have this blog, to get to be a part of the process from start to finish, to see something go from an idea to a reality, I love that.

    And, knowing that ANYONE reads my blog, brings a HUGE smile on my face. It makes me happy. I feel validated.

    …And, this is what I imagine Teigen meant when she said, that she wanted something just for herself.

    Her passion project.

    For her, it was Cravings. For me, it’s my blog.

    What’s yours?

     I would love to hear your stories in the comments below.

    xx

    Yachna

  • Quote Of The Week

    Quote Of The Week

  • A Love Letter.

    A Love Letter.

    This woman worked as hard as any man I knew growing up:


    Without complaint, no excuses, and no days off. Selflessly, all to give us the best of everything- a better chance at life, and opportunities she never had. We never went without and received everything we asked for and more.

    This woman is my mother.


    In my youth, I saw you as harsh and uncompromising. I didn’t understand your rationale. The strictness on late night tv, waking up early, eating breakfast at an appropriate time, refusing nightly pizza and ice cream. I wanted to stay out all night, but there came the curfews. You warned me about certain people I called my friends when you knew their true intention.


    I remember fondly on how you would pack me my favourite dishes to savour every time I left for the boarding school. This brought me comfort and closeness I didn’t know I needed. I remember the several failed attempts in teaching me bike rides, pushing me to get certain grades, to never quit.


    I never understood. But I understand now.


    As a kid, you just don’t get it. I thought mom was making my life hard on purpose. You don’t see your parents as real people.


    Every day when I call her the first thing in the morning she always asks, “What’s for food today, Yachna?” At first, I thought it was odd. Most of our conversations revolved around food and recipes that she wants me to try.


    Now, I understand. Only a mother’s heart deeply cares if her child is eating well. These are the little things that a mother’s love is made of.


    Oh… I get all of it now. I am a grown woman now.


    Now, I see it clearly, she wanted me to have the best chance at life. She was keeping me safe. She was teaching me to take care of my body. Looking back, she has been right about it all.


    “Yachna, learn to be patient with people. That’s the biggest gift you can give yourself.” One of the many things mom tells me daily.


    When she took on the role of both the parents after dad passed away in order that myself and siblings wouldn’t miss out on anything only reinforced my belief in her unconditional love.

    Her unwavering strength and resilience inspire me to be the best version of myself.


    Thank you, mom, for bringing me up in the best possible way, for being my life coach, my number one fan in anything I do.


    I will never be able to repay you for all the things you have done. But, I promise to stay with you throughout all the possible ways, just like you have for me.


    Mom, you are the prime example of what a strong and independent woman is, and just I don’t get it how you do it. Maybe one day, I will understand if I have kids of my own.

    To all the wonderful mamas in the world, thank you. For all the lessons. For all the love, for you. Thank you!


    xx


    Yachna

  • Reflections At 27!!

    Reflections At 27!!

    I am 27 years old today. 

     And, I am happy. 

     I say this so plainly because, well… it takes time. 

    My late teens were intense- moving to Canada directly out of high school was extreme. The newness of everything was massive on me. I missed home. My family. My friends. I cried. A great deal. 

    When I reflect on my early 20s, I see a girl who persistently presumed she wasn’t enough. I didn’t fit in. But, at the same time I didn’t want to stand out or be different — I wanted to feel part of a group. Any group. 

    In retrospect, what I had been looking for was some type of validation. I wanted somebody else to notice me and tell me that I was good enough. I searched for approval and acknowledgment outwardly. Not knowing then, that everything that I ever needed to be happy was already within me. 

     I can’t pinpoint one specific moment when I realized things within me needed to change. All I needed to do was believe in myself just enough to know that I will be fine. I was terrified of being alone. Ironically, spending time alone is how I rediscovered my happiness. 

    You need to know that you are enough.  An actual existence mantra that stayed with me from my past encounters; currently is engraved at the forefront of my thoughts. Being 10 pounds lighter won’t make you any happier or dressing a specific way won’t make you any cooler. Neither will investing in a relationship that drains you. 

    You are complete with or without a partner. You are enough just as you are.

    So, for my birthday, here’s what I would like as a gift: I need you to put resources into yourself. I want you to challenge yourself. I want you to stop gossiping. Seek connections that inspire you, to buy someone coffee just because, try something new that scares you. To be kind to yourself. Saying I love you to somebody who needs to hear it…and then to tell yourself right back. I want you to find your happiness. 

    I did. It’s never felt so good. 

    P.S.

     I am enough. So are you.

    xx

    Yachna Atthi

  • Quote Of The Week

    Quote Of The Week