Sidewalks

Category: Relationships

Categories, unlike tags, can have a hierarchy. You might have a Jazz category, and under that have children categories for Bebop and Big Band. Totally optional.

  • Getting Over Romeo

    Getting Over Romeo

     

     

     

     

    I have always been a die-hard romantic. Growing up, I devoured romantic movies like candy. I remember crying ugly, messy tears while watching A Walk to Remember and The Notebook. Those passionate confessions of love under pouring rain were everything to me. And Romeo and Juliet? Their love story was the epitome of romance for my teenage self.

    As I started having crushes, I craved that all-consuming, fairytale love I saw in movies. But as I grew older and experienced my first heartbreak, the fantasy shattered.

    Suddenly, Romeo and Juliet wasn’t a romance—it was a tragedy about infatuated teenagers making terrible decisions. And don’t even get me started on romcoms. They’ve done more damage than good. One of the biggest lies they tell us is, “If he’s mean to you, it’s because he likes you.” That is the most toxic thing we can teach anyone. It sets girls up to tolerate poor treatment and tells boys it’s okay to be mean to girls.

    It’s no surprise that some of us end up in deeply unfulfilling relationships when we’re told that suffering is part of the deal. Somehow, we’ve accepted the belief that love must be intensely passionate, dramatic, and painful to be real. We’re constantly fed the fantasy that real love can magically fix everything. But in reality, relationships built on heightened emotions rarely stand the test of time.

    This weekend, as I sat in my room reflecting in my journal, I reread my thoughts: Why do we keep going back to people and relationships that bring us pain? Why do some of us keep ending up in unfulfilling relationships? Why do we hope against hope, even when it’s clear things aren’t going to change? Because we think love should be hard? We’ve been taught that suffering is a part of love. And that belief? It’s poison.

    We put all this effort into fixing things—sending another long text explaining our feelings, putting up with excuses, compromising time and time again—only to find ourselves back in the same place, asking for the same things a year later.

    Why don’t we cut our losses sooner? Why do we torture ourselves by staying in unfulfilling relationships? Why do we hope things will change when all the signs say otherwise? Why do we think one more apology will magically fix things? Why do we stay for the potential we see in someone rather than the reality they show us? How many times have you waited for that commitment that never came? It’s time to stop torturing yourself in the name of love.

    I recently watched Love You Zindagi, and Shah Rukh Khan’s character, Dr. Jehangir Khan, said something that hit me hard:

    “Sometimes we choose a difficult path only because we feel that to attain important things, we need to choose a difficult path. We think that it’s important to punish ourselves, but why can’t we choose a simple path? What’s wrong with that? Especially when we are not ready to face that difficult path.”

    This quote literally switched something within me. It’s so simple and yet so profound. We’ve been taught to glorify struggle as if it’s a badge of honour. Whether it’s a job, a relationship, or anything worth having in life, we think we need to suffer to prove our worth.

    I’ve stayed in relationships long past their expiration date. Looking back, I realized how much time I wasted trying to fix relationships that I knew weren’t right for me. If I could tell my younger self one thing, it would be this: you don’t have to settle for a love that hurts. Walk away when it’s not working—because the right love will never ask you to sacrifice your peace.

    No matter how rosy the beginning of the relationship was, it’s time to leave if it doesn’t fulfill you anymore. Most people don’t deserve a second chance, and some don’t even deserve the first.

    Love is not about intense burning desire or dramatic highs and lows. Neither should it send you to therapy. It’s about the everyday moments of calm and kindness. It’s about choosing to be with someone and finding comfort in consistency and predictability. But when we find someone like that, we freak out. We think it’s too easy and simple.

    So what do we do? We run back to the familiar pain of unfulfilling relationships because that’s all we’ve ever known. But why are we running away from something just because it’s not filled with drama and suffering?

    The only rule to live by when it comes to relationships is: are they kind to you? If they show promise but never deliver, it’s time to walk away. If they offer empty promises and apologies but never change, walk away. You don’t owe anyone suffering. Neither do you deserve it.

    Lastly, I am ending this post with something a dear friend once told me: “Love is supposed to strengthen you and build you, not break you into pieces.”

     

    xo

    Yachna

     

     

    Love should feel like peace, not pain. Drop a comment with one thing you’ll no longer tolerate in your relationships and let’s inspire each other to raise our standards.

  • Getting Over Girl Hate

    Getting Over Girl Hate

     

    Today, I want to talk about something that has been heavily on my mind and has repeatedly come up in my journal writing: Girl Hate.

    It all started when I first watched Cinderella as a little girl.

    In the movie, all the women are made to compete for the same prince, who can only pick ONE lucky girl. This leads to jealousy and resentment toward Cinderella by her “evil” stepsisters and stepmother.

    Even though I love Cinderella and many Disney movies, I noticed that pitting women against one another is a recurring theme in many movies and TV shows I loved watching as a teenage girl. From Cinderella to Mean Girls to Gossip Girl, the central theme of these stories was girl hate in the form of backstabbing, jealousy, and betrayal.

    As I was writing this blog, I couldn’t help but think about how deeply these narratives contribute to the ridiculous idea that there’s only room for ONE woman to succeed and have it all. We’re being taught to compete and tear each other down from a young age.

    Let’s not forget that the target audience for these movies is teenage girls. Now, imagine the impact of these subliminal messages on teenage girls who internalize them.

    And you know what’s the worst part? It doesn’t just end in the teenage years.

    The girl hate manifests itself into woman hate. I have seen this happen in my family and am not proud of it. But I also don’t want to be a 45-year-old woman hating on teenage girls or other women.

    I can’t help but wonder if this is a result of a subliminal patriarchy at work or a competition of our own making. What I do know is that we’re stronger when we support each other.

    So, let’s talk about how to get rid of jealousy and resentment toward each other.

     

    1) Try Girl Love

    Remember when Blair and Serena put aside their jealousy, resentment, and insecurities and became unstoppable together?

    Back in high school, I had a serious hatred for this girl I barely knew. We both didn’t like each other. It was so dramatic. Until one day, we bonded over a book. To this day, she’s one of my closest friends. The funniest part? I don’t even remember why I hated her so much. Her friendship and support are some of the best things I’ve experienced in life. Magic happens when women come together to love each other and celebrate the sisterhood.  

    Women have a fundamental responsibility to care for other women. When one of us says she’s struggling, we should offer support and kindness, not judgment.

    And, if a woman is confident and has high self-esteem does not mean she’s a bitch or a slut, or she’s better than you. She’s just confident in her skin. Last time I checked, being confident is not a crime. Personally, I  refuse to live in a world where any woman with a healthy self-esteem is labelled a whore. As quoted from the legendary masterpiece that is Mean Girls, “you all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores.”

     

    2) Separate girl hate from real hate

    We should first look to our girl hate’s structural and social origins to push for some serious change. Instead of chastising every girl who might not be like you or, as seems to be the case more often, might be too much like you.

    Why are we jealous of girls who are more pretty, smart, or successful?  It’s time to break free from that toxic, loser mindset. If you see a girl trying to be the best version of herself,  don’t be bitter; get better.

    I’ve struggled with feelings of jealousy and resentment, too. Trust me, it’s a disease. Often, that girl we hate so much just reminds us of what we could be because she’s actively working on herself.

    I am unlearning the narrative that only ONE woman can have it all. There’s so much for all of us, so we don’t have to hate and compete with each other. I have realized that my jealousy and resentment came from my insecurities.

    So, I put all this jealousy energy into growing and improving myself.

     

    3) Realize it has nothing to do with her

    I remember when I was younger, I was obsessed with hating this girl because she “stole” my man from me. I’d stalk her Instagram and Facebook and point out her flaws to make myself feel better. Eww, disgusting, I know. Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up.

    When I took the time to reflect on my messy behaviour, I realized that I thought she was better than me because she was my ex’s next girlfriend. It was some major insecurity on my part. So, ladies, break this terrible habit of gossiping, judging, comparing, and being jealous.

    I know I sound like a broken record when I say that someone else’s success does NOT highlight a failure in you. Someone’s happiness does not have to cancel out your own. I want people to say, ‘I’m really happy for you,’ not to be polite but because they bloody well mean it. 

    And, if not for anyone else, do it for yourself because hating people is stressful, negativity is tiring, and causing drama is dumb.

     

    4) Lastly, the most important thing to keep in mind

    She’s probably feeling insecure as well. As much as I love being a woman, I cannot deny that it’s fucking exhausting to be a woman. Somedays, I am just so tired of being a woman. Just think about all the societal pressures, family expectations, and hormonal changes we have to put up with.

    I recently read somewhere that women only have one week during which they feel good about themselves and their bodies. Come to think of it, it’s true in dealing with PMS, menstruation, and other hormonal changes, we are really deep in the trenches.

    I  want to end the post with these beautiful words by Maya Angelou,

    “Each one of us  have lived through  some devastation,  some loneliness, some weather superstorm or spiritual superstorm.  When we look  at each other we must say,  I understand.  I understand how you feel  because I have been there myself.  We must support  each other and empathize with each other  because each of us is more alike than we are unalike.“

     

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    Artwork by Katja Perez

  • Let’s Bring Back Writing Love Letters

    Let’s Bring Back Writing Love Letters

     

    While cleaning my room the other day, I stumbled across an old box full of handwritten love letters, postcards, and greeting cards I have saved since childhood.

    I spent the entire evening reading through them, and it was such an emotional and heartwarming experience.

    The fact that some of these letters were from people no longer in my life made me even more sad. Still, after reading them, I felt so much love and gratitude, as though nothing had changed.

    I can’t quite explain it, but receiving a hadnwritten love letter written just for you makes my heart so warm and full.

    Unlike a text or a DM, a love letter is special—it’s like holding onto a piece of someone’s heart. As texting and sharing memes devour the world, the old-school charm of a handwritten love letter is starting to feel like a distant memory or an endangered species.

    So, in today’s blog post, I am bringing back the lost art of writing handwritten love letters. Grab your cozy blanket and a hot cup of cacao, and let’s write love letters that’ll make hearts melt:

     

    1. Start with something sweet

    Start the letter with something by addressing them with something sweet. You could use a cute nickname you’ve given them or something that feels natural to your relationship.

    This could look like:

    “My Dearest [insert cute mushy nickname],”

     

    2. Write from your heart

    Drop all the pretense and write what’s really in your heart. Be honest and sincere. Write about how they make you feel, things you love about them, things they do to make you feel loved, and specific things about them that make you crazy in love with them. Don’t be afraid to be a little cheesy and corny—love letters are the perfect place for it!

    This could look like:

    “Every day, I fall more in love with you. I love your smile and the thing your forehead does when you’re mad at me. I love to hear you talk about things you love because I can see the passion in your eyes. And I love that you always know what to say to make me smile. You make life magical.”

     

    3. Write about your favourite memories with them

     I love to surprise my boyfriend with love letters often. I’ll start by going through photos of our time together, which helps with remembering the small things we’ve done together that might not stick out immediately in memory. When I reflect on those memories and feel gratitude and happiness from my partner, the letter starts to write itself.

    So, bring back those golden moments you’ve shared, whether it’s your first date, a last-minute road trip to a new city, or just an ordinary day made extraordinary by their presence.

     

    This could look like:

    “I still remember our first date when I spilled wine all over you AFTER calling you clumsy. The first time you held my hand while we were in the car, I felt my heart skip a beat. That night, we slow danced to the romantic playlist you made for me. That evening at the beach, when we sat silently beside each other watching the beautiful sunset, I knew I had found something special.”

     

    4. Add a little humor

    Don’t take this too seriously; be a little funny. Share an inside joke or a funny incident that only the two of you understand. It’ll bring a smile to their face and remind them of special moments you shared.

    This could look like:

    “Do you remember the first time you tried to make me a homemade pizza for our fifth date? You had never made pizza before and wanted to do something special for us. It ended up with pizza sauce exploding on the walls and the kitchen covered in flour. We ended up ordering takeout. At that moment, I realized I could spend hours with you without getting bored.”

     

    5. Write about your dreams and hopes for the future

    Write about something you’d like to experience with them. Like a trip to Spain, or something more fun like joining a pasta-making class together. Whatever you dream and hope of doing with them, express it to them and watch the magic unfold.

    This could look like:

    “I can’t wait to create new memories with you, from lazy Sunday mornings to starting a family. They say home isn’t a place. It’s a person. I spent my entire life looking for a dream home, and now I can finally say I am home.

     

     

    Bonus tips  to make your love letter extra special:

     

    • Choose Beautiful Stationery: I absolutely love cute stationery, and it’s such a bummer that stores like Hallmark have closed down. But there are many places online where you can pick a cute and pretty paper. You might want to go for something that reflects your personal style or something your partner will love.

     

    • Make it personal: After writing a love letter, my favourite thing to do is spray my favourite perfume on the paper so it smells wonderful like me and makes them miss my presence. You could add a little drawing, even if you’re bad at it. This gives a special touch to your letter.

     

    • Handwrite with Love: Your handwriting is part of the charm. So, don’t worry if it’s terrible; the effort and thoughtfulness will shine through.

     

    • Seal with a Kiss: Another of my favourite things is to seal the envelope with a kiss—literally! So, grab your red lipstick and kiss away.

     

     

    Yup, it’s really that simple. So, grab your pen and start writing. You’re welcome 😉

     

     

    xo

    Yachna

     

     

    Featured Image Credits- Pinterest 

     

    Note: If you buy something through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission or have a sponsored relationship with the brand, at no cost to you. We recommend only products we genuinely like. Thank you so much.

     

     

     

  • Things I Still Struggle With At 31

    Things I Still Struggle With At 31

     

    1. Comparing myself to other people

    Getting into the comparing game serves us nothing. I know that. And yet, I struggle with it often.   I have this terrible habit of comparing my life to those perfect Instagram posts of people my age partying in Switzerland with their picture-perfect outfits and accessories.  It’s not healthy to compare ourselves to people’s perfect Instagram shots. It’s like measuring our lives with someone’s perfectly edited and glittery shot—deceptive and unrealistic. No matter where we are in life, comparing ourselves to others is just not fair. We are doing ourselves a huge disservice. The only comparison we should have is with ourselves.

     

    2. Being content with how my body looks

    Society conditions women from birth to constantly focus on their appearance, which can be exhausting. Even at 31, I often get caught up in obsessing over my appearance. Whenever I look in the mirror, all I see is my big nose, acne-prone skin, crooked teeth, and skinny body, and the list keeps getting longer. Being a woman is so exhausting. This reminds me of a quote by Susan Sontag: “ Society’s scrutiny of the body often works to undermine women’s sense of self-worth and autonomy, making them prisoners of appearance.”

     

    3. Accepting my imperfect, oily, acne-prone skin.

    I constantly struggle with this, especially when I see the “how to have a glass skin” monologues everywhere.  I am sick and tired of it. Even though I know glass skin is fake, unrealistic and unattainable, I still find myself giving into the genius marketing tactics of buying more skincare in the hopes that one day my skin will be glass-looking. But the main question remains: why do we want to look like glass?  Glass skin reminds me of the creepy porcelain doll that may have a beautiful finish but is kept on a shelf to collect dust for years. No, thanks!!!

     

    4. Placing my self-worth on goals met.

    Ladies! Hear me out. This can be problematic. I have realized that goals are like moving targets, fleeting, and once we achieve them, we move on to the next. That way, I constantly rely on something outside me to fulfill me, which is problematic. Tying my self-worth to things like having 100k followers or making XYZ amount of money from my blog can turn the experience of pursuing my goals into a source of stress rather than a fulfilling part of my life.

     

    5.  Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable and accepting that life is one big grey area.

    You’ll never have all the answers, and your life will never be sorted out. Nobody has all the answers to this life. There are no rules to this thing. Life is unpredictable and rarely goes as planned, no matter how perfectly we plan out all the details.

     

    6. Both learning and struggling with how to heal from past stuff

    One of the biggest struggles of my life has been figuring out how to deal with the past trauma in my life in the healthiest way.  It takes a lot of courage and discipline to bridge this awkward and challenging gap of letting go of bad habits and working to build good habits that boost you up. 

     

    7. Struggling with life not turning out how I hoped it would

    Every now and then, I find myself grappling with the reality that my life hasn’t unfolded as I once imagined. The goals and timelines I set for myself were so ridiculous.  The best advice I ever received was that. Life isn’t about getting to the destination but about enjoying the journey. It’s about savouring each moment and embracing the magic that comes with unexpected twists and turns.

     

    8. Not taking things personally.

    “Everything is not about you” is a truth that can be as liberating as it is humbling. It’s like realizing that you’re not the star of every drama, and the world doesn’t revolve around your every move—surprising, I know!

    I struggle with this, but now I am slowly learning to embrace that I am not the main character in every story, and that’s fine. So, when things don’t go as I had planned, or someone’s projecting their shit on me, I remember: it’s not all about me. I am NOT the center of the universe, and that’s a good thing!

     

    9.  Responding instead of reacting.

    I am blessed with little patience. I have this terrible habit of losing my cool, which often leaves me feeling frustrated and drained, especially when I look back and think, “Why did I let that get to me so much?”

    It’s not just about losing my cool; it’s about its deeper impact on my relationships and my peace of mind. I constantly remind myself that reacting impulsively only adds to the chaos. What I really want is to pause, take a breath, and respond thoughtfully. But, as they say, old habits die hard; I am trying really really really hard to be more mindful of my interactions with people. 

     

    10. Jealousy

    I’m on a mission to ditch jealousy. I read somewhere that jealousy is the art of counting the other person’s blessings instead of your own. It’s just my insecurities projected onto others, and that’s seriously bad energy. I’m committed to flipping the script and focusing on my own growth.

     

    11.  Lastly, I’m struggling to learn that my 30s are still YOUNG.

    It really is!!

    We’re all conditioned into thinking that if we haven’t done XYZ by 25 or 30 at the latest, it’s worthless, or we’ve missed out on something, and it can’t be done. That’s simply not true. I never believed in this perspective.

    When I was 28, I left a career I had invested in for a decade with a very comfortable salary. I took a chance on myself, took the year off, and dared to build something new from scratch because I trusted my gut that “this just isn’t it.”

     

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    Remember, what is for you will always find its way, and what is not, just smile and let it go. Best of luck to you! We got this 🙂

     

     

    If you’re comfortable, I want you to treat the comments section as your safe space. tell me what you struggle with. rant. Vent. and hopefully, just getting it out or seeing other people say they know exactly what you’re going through makes things a bit easier to deal with.

     

    Sending you all so much love.

     

    xo

    Yachna

     

     

    Featured Image –Pinterest.

  • How I Manifested The Man Of My Dreams

    How I Manifested The Man Of My Dreams

     

    In the summer of 2022, I was single and frustrated with the chaotic dating scene of my life. I was tired of men playing games, sending mixed signals, and ghosting. It was all too exhausting for me to put up with.

    After a particularly discouraging experience with a guy I was talking to, I wrote down a list of all the qualities I wanted in my dream man. Little did I know that this journal entry would change my life.

    Fast forward a month or two, and I meet the love of my life – my best friend, completely unexpectedly. Our relationship is beyond anything I could have imagined. It’s like the universe conspired to bring us together. It’s more than anything I could have scripted, prayed for, or even thought about. I let go of any expectations and trusted the universe, and boy, did it deliver!

    Looking back at my journal entry, I was shocked to see how everything fell into place exactly as I had written. It made me truly understand the power of thoughts and manifestation.

    So, let’s get into how to manifest like a pro.

     

    1. Get clear on what you want, and be as specific as possible.

    I’ve always been a die-hard romantic at heart, never one for casual dating or hookups. It just doesn’t sit right with me. As an INFJ, I seek depth and authenticity in my connections. So, I have always visualized a healthy, long-term relationship for myself and wrote the emotions I hoped to feel when in that relationship.

    For example, I hope to feel completely safe and understood in my relationships. In addition to that, I like to surround myself with people who will always uplift and empower me. What kind of emotions are you hoping to feel in your ideal relationship? Write it down.

     

    2. Do what best feels natural to you

    I love bringing my desires to life using scripting, affirmations, and vision boards. When I script, I always write as if my dreams have already come true. The important thing is to do what feels most natural and exciting for you so you can enjoy the manifestation process.

     

    3. Take action steps in your day-to-day life around it.

    Another way to meet the universe halfway is to do your part. In sticking with the relationship analogy, I wanted a meaningful, long-term connection, so I stopped wasting time on those whose goals didn’t align with mine. Break up with the person you’re staying with because you’re scared to be alone.  Take that leap of faith that affirms you believe it’s real. Dress up, go out with your friends or take yourself out on dates, have fun, be confident, and meet new people. Doing this allows the universe to bring the right person into your life. This is called doing the footwork for the universe.

     

    4.  Focus on feeling and visualizing

    Here’s a brilliant manifestation tip that my friend shared with me. She used it to manifest her perfect partner. Picture yourself experiencing all the glorious details of your dream relationship—the laughter, holding hands, cooking together, or strolling on the beach—whatever symbolizes the ultimate relationship bliss to you.

    The key is to immerse yourself in the vision by adding as many details as possible: the sights, sounds, smells, and most importantly, the feelings. Feel the joy of that deep connection, freedom, safety, and love with that person. The focus should be on the emotions this connection stirs within you.

    Getting caught up in the shallow details of their physical appearance can be limiting, and asking for “man in finance, trust fund, blue eyes” might bring you a gorgeous jerk … again. So, stay open to the surprise the universe has in store for you.

     

    5. Reprogram your mind to attract goodness and live in the end. 

    Know that you’re worthy. Remind yourself of all the goodness within you and all the beauty you already have. When manifesting, do it from a place of feeling complete and deserving, not from a place of lacking or feeling needy. You are loved and cherished by the universe. Come from this place of power and deep connection.

     

    6. Don’t go looking for love; be the love you want in your life, and it will come to you

    Fall in love with yourself first. Only then, you’ll be able to give someone else your unconditional love.

     

    7. Act as if you already are or have something despite what your world shows you.

    Feel it in your bones that your wish is coming to life. Detach yourself from the desperation and restlessness of needing it now. Surrender it all to the mystical universe, which knows when to deliver it in the perfect time and way.

     

    8. Always be grateful

    No matter where you’re in life, be aligned with the energy of gratitude.

     

    9. Become fully content within yourself

    If you want a partner who goes to the gym and cares for their health, you must be that person for yourself first. Similarly, if you’re looking for love, then fill your cup with that love first. In my case, I stopped looking for love. Not in an ‘I don’t need no man’ attitude, but rather, ‘I value love and relationships, but I am also very content in being single forever because I cherish my happiness and life.’

     

    Lastly, here are some of my favourite manifestation tools to add more sacredness to your wish.

     

     

     

     

    Note: If you buy something through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission or have a sponsored relationship with the brand at no cost to you. We recommend only products we genuinely like. Thank you so much.

     

    xo,

    Yachna

     

     

    Featured Image Credits- Pinterest 

     

  • Can You Be Friends With Your Ex

    Can You Be Friends With Your Ex

     

     

    It’s a classic rom-com trope we’ve all seen a million times. We’ve listened to a million love songs about it. And we’ve probably used “the line” at one point or another: “Let’s stay friends, okay?”.

    The idea of being friends with an ex can be complicated. You’ve likely experienced unforgettable, life-changing memories and intimacy with this person, so naturally, there’s a temptation to keep them in your life. Or, you may also be part of the same friendship circle, so avoiding them could mean having no social life.

    I don’t stay friends with my exes, and I avoid dating men who are still best friends with theirs. That’s my opinion, of course; everyone is different. The reason is that after a breakup, I want to heal and move on with my life fresh, without any emotional baggage from the past.

    Healing and growth require a fresh start, free from reminders of past relationships. How can you truly grow if you have a constant reminder of your past mistakes around you, keeping you in a rut?

    Another reason is that some feelings never go away, which is disrespectful to their new partner and my current partner. When I was young and naive, I thought staying friends with my ex after our breakup was a brilliant idea. At the time, it seemed like a good way to ease my pain, even if it was just a temporary fix.

    Looking back, I realize how wrong I was. Trying to be friends only led to more heartache and confusion. It was a tough lesson, but I learned the hard way that staying friends with an ex is usually a recipe for confusion and emotional rollercoasters.

    That so-called “friendship” not only kept me emotionally stuck, but it also held me back from growing personally and moving forward in my new relationship. So, why keep investing in something that’s already over? It’s like watering a dead plant – what’s the point?

    Of course, when you have kids with the person, it’s a different thing; your life will be tangled forever, so it’s good to have a good relationship. I have friends who are friends with their ex-husband.

    Before you consider being friends with your ex, ask yourself these important questions: Can you still be friends with your ex when they fall in love with someone else? Someone you don’t like? Someone else in your friend circle? If you can’t maintain strong boundaries when your relationship is over, or if it causes emotional distress, you’re not prepared to be an actual friend.

    In my experience, lovers and friends can only happen once no romantic feelings are left and no one has a hidden agenda. If you (or the other person) have any hopes of getting back together, it’s very difficult to develop a real friendship.

    While writing this post, I asked some friends for their opinions. Here are some of their responses-

    “I’m very close friends with an ex. I get along great with their partner, it’s no big deal. But we were virtually no contact after the breakup for about a year and a half. That was a proper healing time. Jumping straight back into friendship after a few months, I’m skeptical.”

     

    “I would be friends with my ex after four years of relationship. Even then, I suspect something could have happened between us. I don’t know if I can be friends with my ex. Maybe friends with benefits, but just friends is a no for me.”

     

    ” I am friends with all my exes because they are my friends who know me well and have several years of history together. They are worth their weight in gold as confidants who know me well. I don’t understand wanting to walk away from that just because I used to have sex with the person. As long as you can maintain healthy boundaries, why throw away a good friend just because you used to date?”

     

    “Some people are too valuable and cannot just be tossed aside, especially if the connection is on a much deeper level than the physical intimacy. There is a mutual understanding and appreciation that is rare to find. What’s the difference between a romantic and a platonic relationship? The physical intimacy. Why does everything else also have to be thrown out the window?”

     

    That being said, there’s one ex with whom I am friendly. We don’t see each other or talk often. But when we meet, it’s always pleasant and a good time. And, of course, it helps we weren’t in touch with each other for years. Now he’s happily married, he has no interest in trying to “win me back” or whatever, and I have no interest in dating him again. So, for us, it’s pretty easy to be friends.

    If you decide to be friends with your ex, then boundaries must be discussed and enforced. You cannot just observe how things go. Here are some things I would not do with my ex ever:

     

    1. Go out to dinner with, or drink with, him one on one;
    2. Discuss any aspect of my intimate life with him;
    3. Go into detail or reminisce about our relationship together;
    4. Discuss any problems or issues in my current relationship with him;
    5. Give him advice on any of his relationships, etc;

     

    There’s no right or wrong answer to this question. However, I am very curious to know your opinion on this. Can you ever truly be friends with your ex? Comment below :*

     

    xo

    Yachna

     

    Featured Image Credits- Pinterest 

  • How To Maintain Friendships As An Adult

    How To Maintain Friendships As An Adult

     

     

     

    Last weekend, I attended my cousin’s baby shower, and it was absolutely fantastic!

    I couldn’t wait to reunite with friends I hadn’t seen in over two years. So much had happened during that time—marriages, new babies, and engagements—there was just so much catching up to do.

    Maintaining meaningful friendships can be challenging as we age. Meeting all my friends after so long made me nostalgic for those carefree days when we spent our days doing nothing together.

    When I got home that night, I realized that adulting and responsibilities had replaced our spontaneous hangouts and carefree last-minute trips. I felt sad to see how much time and changed and with it the dynamic of relationships.

    But no matter how busy we are, we must make time for healthy and meaningful connections to nourish our souls. Tight-knit connections are what make life worth living. 

    Although adult friendships are hard, it isn’t impossible with effort, thought, and intention. Here are some ways to make it work-

     

    1) Keep in touch frequently. I understand how hard it can be to reach out, living in our capitalist society that demands our productivity around the clock. I usually text or call someone when I am thinking of them. A simple ‘Thinking of you, hope all is well’ goes a long way. Staying curious about their lives will make maintaining friendships easier. Another fun way to keep in touch is to have an active group chat to share opinions on various topics and memes.

     

    2) Take the time to plan an in-person get-together. If you’re not a fan of phone conversations like me, setting a date to hang out in person can be a great way to keep in touch. Planning out the specifics of your get-together gives you both something exciting to anticipate and more reasons to stay connected.

     

    3) Focus on quality over quantity. Even though you may not be able to speak or see each other as often as you’d like, make it a point to dedicate the time you do have together to creating new memories together.

     

    4) Reciprocate the efforts. Nobody likes a one-sided friendship. Remember that everyone has responsibilities. Don’t let one person be the only one trying to maintain the connection.

     

    5) Celebrate the milestones, remember the small things, and be available for the hard times. Surprise your friend on her birthday. Make an effort to be present for milestones such as weddings, graduations, baby showers, or any celebration. After all, it is said that the best friendships stand the test of time and the ups and downs of life.

     

    6) Be honest. Ditch the silent treatment. Be open and honest in your communication. Don’t let petty misunderstandings get the best of your relationship. Create a safe space in your friendship to have difficult conversations openly and honestly without ruining the relationship dynamic.

     

    7) Have patience, and be there for them. The different life stages my friends and I are going through are pretty incredible. Some are embracing parenthood, some are jet-setting for work, and others are hustling to make their startup dreams a reality. It’s like we’re living parallel lives, but when we catch up, it’s like no time has passed.

    We understand and respect each other’s unique paths, which makes our bond even stronger. I understand that my friend with a newborn might not have time for long catch-up chats, and that’s okay. We adjust to our new role and support each other through the changes.

     

    ……………………………………..

     

    Lastly, I wanted to share my all-time favourite video from Winnie the Pooh, which always brings tears to my eyes. It beautifully captures the sentiment of realizing that growing up often means having less time to simply relax and enjoy moments with our loved ones. It’s a reminder that these small, seemingly insignificant moments actually take up the most space in our hearts.

     

    xo

    Yachna

     

    Do you have any tips on how to maintain adult friendships? I’d love to know in the comments 😀

     

     

     

    Featured Image- Pinterest 

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Topics To Avoid On A First Date

    Topics To Avoid On A First Date

     

    Let’s talk first dates!

    They can be pretty awkward. You’re going out with someone you’ve only met for 5 or 10 minutes, or maybe not at all. It’s always a challenge to break the ice with someone you barely know. Personally, I don’t believe in keeping any topic limits because I value respectful, honest, and upfront communication.

    When I want to discuss a potentially sensitive subject, I usually break the ice by asking, “Are we even allowed to talk about X on the first date?” It’s funny to see how people react, and it often leads to some really interesting conversations.

    Of course, some topics are better left for later dates. Here are five topics to avoid on a first date:

     

    1. Your Trauma/Trauma Dumping

    Don’t talk to your date about your laundry list of trauma, years of therapy, and mental illness. It’s a date, not a therapy session. I am a mental health advocate and have gone through my fair share of trauma in life, but this isn’t something to discuss on a first date. Your date didn’t sign up to help you process this.

     

    2. Exes

    First dates are all about having a good time and keeping things lighthearted, fun, and cheerful. It’s best not to bring up any exes. Please don’t talk about how you hate your ex because he ruined your life and left you with trauma. Lastly, avoid generalizing an entire gender based on a negative experience.

    Once you’ve established a connection with someone, there will be plenty of time to discuss these topics. If someone likes you, they’ll be open and accepting when the time is right. But dropping this on a first date is a huge turn-off immediately.

     

    3. Politics

    Politics can be a touchy subject that sometimes leads to disagreements or hurt feelings. It’s usually a good idea to steer clear of political discussions on a first date unless you are open-minded and respectful of each other’s beliefs.

    One of my friends shared, ‘I like to know where my date stands politically. I usually find out before agreeing to go out because I wouldn’t want to date a Republican. What do you think?

     

    4. Religion

    Religion is a sensitive topic for many people, and it’s best, especially if you are not tolerant of other people’s beliefs and religion, not to bring up this topic on a first date.

     

    5. Money

    My friend was excited about this date with a woman he liked. They went to this fantastic restaurant with a sea view and had a great conversation until she dropped a bombshell.

    She flat-out said, “I expect my man to pay for everything, and if this goes any further, I want you to provide for me and take care of my financial needs.” My friend was immediately turned off, and there was no second date after that.

    Talking about money is a huge turn-off on a first date. It’s best to avoid this topic entirely unless your date brings it up first.

     

     

    Lastly, it all depends on the date. Some people you immediately feel comfortable with, open up to and talk about anything and everything. Others you don’t feel comfortable with at all and prefer to keep the conversation on very casual topics such as travel, hobbies, food, and entertainment. 

     

    What would you rather not talk about on a first date? Let’s go in the comments 😀

     

    xo,

    Yachna 

     

     

    P.S.

    Juicy questions to ask your date

     

     

    Featured Image Credits- Pinterest 

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Dating Stuff I’ve Learned…

    Dating Stuff I’ve Learned…

    1. Don’t force it 

    You know what they say: You can’t force a spark with someone. But that doesn’t mean you should give up after just one try! Sometimes, it takes a little time and effort to get to know someone and develop a genuine connection.

    Those first few dates and conversations can be a great indicator of whether or not there’s something special there. Even after the first few dates, if the person is a maybe for you, then don’t settle for it and make it linger, even if the person seems like a perfect match on paper.

    Trust me, you deserve to be with someone who makes you feel excited and truly happy, and the same goes for them!

    2. Physical attraction is important 

    It’s perfectly natural not to be physically attracted to someone. It doesn’t make you shallow; it makes you human, and it just means that we all have our own preferences.

    Now, is it possible that you will grow to find someone physically attractive over time? Absolutely, yes, especially if there’s a strong intellectual bond.

    On the other hand, if you have to put in a lot of effort to find someone attractive initially, it might not be worth it. In my experience, attraction can work both ways, but it’s important to be true to yourself and follow your instincts.



    3. They should be interested in you

    So, here’s the thing, girl. If he’s taking hours or even days to reply to your texts, he’s not worth your time. Don’t make excuses for him, like his phone died or aliens abducted him or whatever.

    If he doesn’t make an effort to see you, spend time with you, or give you the attention you deserve, then know this: he’s just not that into you. Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t want to make an effort to keep you around. Just accept it and move on gracefully.

     

    4. Clear communication is essential 

    Maybe you’re looking for something casual and fun, a chance to let loose and enjoy life without any serious commitments. But what if your date is hoping for something more long-term, even marriage?

     Communicating your intentions early on is essential to avoid misunderstandings or heartbreak later. So get out there, have fun, and be honest about what you want in this connection!

     

    5. Attachment/ Infatuation is not love

    Let’s imagine you’re out with your girlfriends, and suddenly, bam! You meet this tall, handsome man with the most gorgeous eyes you’ve ever seen. You hit it off immediately and spend the night dancing and chatting. He says and does everything right, and you’re feeling over the moon because you’ve finally found the one. 

    But wait, sweetie – don’t let your excitement cloud your judgment. Keep your eyes open for anything he might not be saying. It’s totally cool to be excited. Make sure you’re taking things one step at a time.

     

    6. Actions speak louder

    Remember not to fall for his sweet talk that’ll give you diabetes.

    Instead, pay attention to his actions. Be a good observer and focus on what he does, not what he says. It’s good to be understanding and empathetic, but don’t make excuses for someone’s bad behaviour. Their past trauma or sad childhood is no excuse for treating you poorly.

    Those red flags you’re ignoring at the beginning could be the reason for your break up in the end. Keep your eyes open and stay true to yourself!

     

     7. There needs to be a friendship

    Imagine having a friend who is not just amazing but also someone you could fall in love with.

    Take a moment to reflect on their qualities and whether they align with what you look for in a friend. Can you see yourself hanging out with this person as a friend? Do they have qualities that you appreciate in a friend?

    I believe that a friends-to-lover relationship is one of the most fulfilling connections one can experience. Don’t you agree?

     



    8. Be honest with yourself

    Be honest with yourself about your wants and needs. Don’t let others—and by others, I mean society—decide what you should or shouldn’t like. 

    It’s okay to be an independent, self-reliant woman who loves it when a man pays on the first date. Yes, we know you can open your own door, but do you like/prefer it when a date does this for you?

    So, embrace your needs,  express them with confidence,  and don’t be afraid to be your authentic self.

     

    9. Don’t compare them to your past

    It’s not fair to bring your past emotional baggage into your present relationships. Don’t keep comparing your past relationship struggles to your current situation.

    We all have dating traumas, but punishing the new person for something they didn’t do is unfair. Go into a new situation with an open mind and a blank slate.

     

    10. It’s not going to last, and that’s okay

    You need to accept that most people’s time in your life will be temporary and still enjoy and appreciate the time you have together anyway.

    I stopped looking at failed relationships as a waste of time and switched my brain to be grateful for experiencing someone keeping space for me in their heart.

     

    11. Don’t fall for a person’s potential

    This one’s going to hurt to read, but I have to say it anyway: pay attention to who they are now, not what they were like when you first met or get hung up on hopes of the version you have of them in your head. Accept that who they are now is who they are now.

    Look at how they treat you and talk to you. If they did that on the first date, would you agree to a second date? If not, don’t agree to keep seeing them.

    Investing your time, effort, and energy into a relationship with someone who treats you like they don’t care about you will not eventually pay off.

     

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    What’s the most profound dating lesson you’ve learned from your experience? I’d love to know in the comments <3

     

    xo,

    Yachna

     

    Art Credit- Pinterest 

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • How to Not Care What Other People Think of You

    How to Not Care What Other People Think of You

    Have you ever felt like you were walking on eggshells around someone? Like you just can’t seem to do anything right in their eyes no matter how hard you try?

    That’s exactly how I felt the other day when I went to visit my aunt.

    I couldn’t shake off the weird and uncomfortable vibes I got from her. As I walked out of her house, I felt terrible about myself because the silent treatment was so loud. I couldn’t figure out what I had done to offend her, so I discussed it with my cousin later. And what she told me blew my mind!

    My aunty thinks I’m a terrible influence on her daughters because I’m 30 and unmarried.

    Can you believe it?

    It’s unbelievable how people still try to burden us with their outdated expectations and beliefs.

    We’ve all heard the age-old advice that we should “just be ourselves” and “stop caring what others think about us.” However, let’s be real—it’s not that simple.

    Even though we know better, it’s difficult to ignore our desire to be seen, valued, and appreciated by those around us. It’s a natural human desire to be accepted and respected, and we all struggle with it at some point in our lives.

    I don’t feel like the most qualified person to talk about this, but I don’t know what it would take to be the most qualified. Self-esteem is a tricky thing, especially for us women. No matter what we do, we’re always told we need to be “more” of something. It can be exhausting trying to fit into society’s unrealistic standards and expectations of us.

     

    1. Self-awareness

    The truth is, the more insecure and uncomfortable we feel about ourselves, the more we tend to be influenced by others’ opinions. On the other hand, when we’re confident and self-aware, we’re less likely to let outside voices dictate our choices and actions. So, it’s essential to focus on building that inner strength and security and not get too caught up in seeking validation from others. 

     

    2.  Alone Time

    Do you ever feel like your voice gets lost in the noise of the world around you? It’s totally normal! But you know what’s not normal? Neglecting your alone time. 

    Take a deep breath and ask yourself: what are your values? What do you really want? What can’t you stand? 

    By writing down your thoughts and feelings, you develop a strong bond with yourself and become comfortable in your own skin. This way, you’ll stop caring about what people think of you and be more confident in your actions.

     

    3. Keep focusing on what you want 

    Are you truly living the life you want, or are you following someone else’s script for your life? Everyone has unique interests, passions, and hobbies that they love. But when we spend all our energy trying to meet others’ expectations, we neglect our own desires. So, pour your energy into doing the things that truly make you happy and fulfilled!

     

    4. Show gratitude

    There was this one time when I let other people’s expectations of me not being married by 30 get to me. I spoke to my best friend about it, hoping to find some solace. Boy, did he give me some perspective! 

    He reminded me of all the amazing adventures I’ve had, the things I’ve accomplished, and the personal challenges I’ve overcome. He said that if I had gotten married just for the sake of it, I would have missed out on so much. I would have been living a life that I didn’t necessarily want, just to please others. 

    After the conversation, I took a moment to reflect on all the beautiful experiences I’ve had and the personal challenges I’ve overcome to get to where I am today. I had forgotten to be grateful for all I had done. So, I decided to be my own cheerleader, look inward to find validation and take pride in who I am. 

     

    5. Don’t try to make everyone happy 

    No person in the history of humanity has been liked by everyone. And no matter what you do or say, it won’t make you an expectation either. So, don’t try to make everyone happy; you won’t. Fulfilling others’ expectations or opinions of you is not your responsibility. Besides: everyone else is too busy worrying about themselves. So, just like Billie Eilish says, “Your opinion of me is not my responsibility.”

     

    6. Keep death close 

    Our time on this earth is limited, and it’s up to us to make the most of it. Unfortunately, many of us get caught up in worrying about what others think of us, and we end up living a life that’s not truly our own. 

    But here’s the thing: if you knew that your time was running out, what would you do differently? Would you continue to worry about other people’s opinions, or would you finally start living the life you’ve always wanted?

    Remember, people will mourn for a day or two and then move on with their lives. So why not take a step towards the life YOU want to live? Life is too short to do anything else.

    It will always be harder to become someone who doesn’t care what people think, but that’s why you’re a fierce warrior for even trying. And isn’t that kind of exciting? Conquer the world!!

     

     

    xo,

    Yachna