Have you ever wandered on purpose? That’s what I did today.
It was a tropical day, and we went out to swim in the ocean. While I floated in the water, looking up at the sky, I saw an unbelievably beautiful scene unfolding before my eyes. I gazed at the night sky filled with stars twinkling in the sky. It looked so magical as though it’d grant me any wish.
Then it suddenly hit me. From time to time, it’s actually lovely to sail off without a map. I had a plan all my adult life—a road map of where I wanted my life to go.
I wasn’t happy where I was in life many years ago, and I knew there was so much more in store for me. This may or may not sound familiar to you.
I would talk about quitting my job, what I wanted to do, where I wanted to move, and discuss the dreams brewing in my head without taking any real action.
The decision to quit my high-paying 9 to 5 wasn’t an easy one. Crippled with indecision, I asked my mom for advice. “Instead of thinking you are stuck in your job, realize that your living is assured thanks to your job,” was her response.
Still, it bothered me that I was working in a job that I hated. My time wasn’t mine after all. It felt so wrong. I spent so long in indecision. Should I do it? Maybe a few more months. The longer I remained unsure, the less confident I felt.
The hard choices – what we fear the most doing, asking, saying – are very often exactly what we need to do. So, I decided to work up my courage and start my own business- this very blog.
Being your boss is not all as glamorous as it sounds. The path is steep and rough. Trying to be successful at your business feels like a strong winter wind. But I tell myself that it will feel like a light summer breeze through hard work, consistency, and perseverance one day. Despite all the struggles every day, I am grateful for my choice.
We humans are very good at considering what might go wrong if we try something new. Most often, what we fail to consider is the brutal cost of not changing anything. The most difficult step ever is the first step. It comes with doubts, uncertainties, and all sorts of fears.
Ask yourself: If I avoid this action or decision and actions and decisions like it, what might my life look like in six weeks, months, and years? What do you see?
When I put this exercise into practice a few years ago, I was terrified of the picture I saw. It was then I realized that if you want momentum, you’ll have to create it yourself, right now, by getting up and getting started because the cost of inaction is more terrifying than the failure itself.
There’s always room to learn, to embark on an adventurous journey of self-discovery. To constantly shake up your routine, to let go of your fears and inhibitions. To invite more passion, creativity, and yumminess into your life.
This is your sign of waking up and taking that first step towards your dreams. Do something, even if it’s small, all while remembering this simple yet powerful quote from Seneca, “We suffer more in imagination than in reality.”
As a kid, Siddhi was always fascinated by all kinds of jewellery. Two years ago, when the world was in lockdown, she took a leap of faith and launched her jewelry line, Savitri Jewels. “Savitri was my grandmother’s name, and I felt that keeping this name would also somehow bring good luck to the brand and me,” she says. “My jewellery is highly influenced by Indian culture. I also take a lot of inspiration from the cultures of different states and various craft forms that come with them. The jewelry designer shares her super minimal skincare routine and a beauty product she can’t live without.
What is your earliest jewelry memory?
Getting my ears pierced when I was about four years old, and then my grandmother got me gold earrings. I believe those were my first pair of jewellery.
When did you discover your love for jewellery?
Coming from a business family, I was always around jewellery. As a kid, also I used to love dressing up in my mom’s trinkets. I loved wearing anklets as their sound was music to my ears. However, I like purchasing jewellery more than wearing it.
Why did you decide to launch your label?
I had always wanted to do something that belonged to me. Even during my college days, I always wanted to do something of my own. I was inclined towards apparel even though my father always pushed me towards jewellery. When the world was under lockdown, I finally had spare time on my hands, and that’s when I decided I should start the Jewelry brand. I just started it with a few rakhis on Instagram, and the response was so good. It gave me the motivation to go forward with it.
Why jewellery and not apparel?
Coming from a family of jewellers, I grew up fascinated by all kinds of jewellery. My grandmother, or as “badi mumma” I would call her, would save up money to buy jewellery on all occasions since it’s also considered auspicious. So starting a jewellery business seemed like a good idea to me. All the inspiration comes from my grandmother, and each piece I sell is a tribute to her.
What’s the story behind the name of Savitri Jewels?
As I said, everything in my jewellery brand is inspired by my childhood with my grandmother, so how could its name be anything else other than my late grandmother’s name. Savitri was my grandmother’s name, and I felt that keeping this name would also somehow bring good luck to the brand and me.
Being a small business owner, what kind of struggles did you have to go through initially?
I had to really struggle with creating my brand value with people. My brand is pure silver jewellery at affordable prices. Many people think that it’s fake silver. Then, I also struggled a lot with sales and recognition because of the ongoing pandemic. Being a small homegrown brand, it gets a little difficult at times since I work on advance basis with all my kaarigars.
What have these challenges taught you?
I realized that being financially independent and fluent is very important, especially for female entrepreneurs. It is very important to be updated with all the updates and requirements for taxes and govt policies. It’s impossible to go back to your CA or someone else to ask such questions. And also, people make a fool of you if they know you are not aware of such policies. I also realized how important it is to maintain quality over other things. If my brand has good quality products, my customers will come back to me❤️
What has been the most exciting highlight journey so far?
When my customers come back to me telling me how much they loved their purchases and would shop again. That just makes my day! So far, I haven’t got any negative feedback, and I hope to always make all my customers feel happier! I want this to be a people’s brand more than a jewellery brand.
Where do you get the design inspiration for your jewellery?
All the things around me, all the jewellery trinkets of my mother and grandmother I grew up with, are my biggest inspiration. Most of my jewellery designs have elements that remind me of my grandmother.
How does Indian culture influence your jewelry collection?
I take a lot of inspiration from the cultures of different states in India and various craft forms that come with them. Every collection is made using some form of cultural jewellery technique. It’s also crafted keeping in mind our country’s cultural heritage. My temple collection is especially inspired by India’s goddesses and is also my best-selling collection.
How would you describe your collections?
Since each piece of jewellery I create is very close to me, I want everyone who purchases from Savitri Jewels to feel the same. Our jewellery is more than just another piece of accessory. It’s meticulously handcrafted to last for generations to become heirlooms ultimately.
How do you make your jewellery sustainable?
All our jewellery is crafted in 925 silvers. This not just makes the products durable but also an investment. We are trying to limit our use of plastic as much as possible, and we try to follow fair practices with our labour. I believe sustainability should not just be limited to the environment but also to the people who are associated with us. The people whom I work with are like my family.
How do you hope a woman feels when wearing your jewelry?
I want a woman who wears Savitri Jewels to feel more confident and bold yet connected to her roots and heritage of her culture. This is also the thought behind creating each piece of jewellery here. All my pieces are stylish yet minimal and have some element of culture and heritage. Plus, every piece I make is like a tribute to my grandmother.
How would you describe Savitri Jewels in one word or sentence?
Grandmother’s love in the form of jewellery.
What are you most passionate about in life?
Being happy. I want to live a happy, content life no matter if I earn in lakhs or crores. I don’t want my happiness to depend on any materialistic thing or money. I just want to be happy with the people I love.
Apart from being a fabulous jewellery designer, you are also a fashion buyer. So, tell me, what does a day in the life of a fashion buyer look like?
It’s not as glamorous as it sounds. My day revolves around speaking with my vendors to get my products and then working on the backend data. But what I love about it the most is that I get paid to shop for my company!
Do you have a fashion role model?
It keeps changing. Right now, I am crushing over Hailey Bieber’s fashion sense. It’s so chic and relatable. People like me can easily recreate those looks and actually go outside. That’s what I love about her style. It’s chic and comfortable.
What’s your favourite style to wear?
T-shirts and denim. I’m someone who would keep comfort over fashion always! So my wardrobe is filled with lots of quirky and graphic t-shirts and different fits of denim.
What does your style say about you?
Accessible. I like to keep my comfort first; I believe that makes me seem accessible to people.
Do you have any favourite places to shop?
Not really. I buy stuff from wherever I find good products. I’m not someone who only shops from particular places or brands. I do love to discover new brands, though. I also love online shopping. It has made my life SO much easier. Also, I always prefer buying from a small business.
Let’s talk skincare. What’s your daily skincare routine like?
I am not much of a skincare nerd, but one thing I can’t live without is sunscreen.
My AM routine is pretty basic: cleansing rose water, moisturizer and sunscreen. I replace my rose water with a light toner and a few drops of almond oil in the night. I use cleanser, toner, moisturizer and serum from Minimalist.
What about makeup?
I’m not a makeup person. And honestly, I don’t know how to apply it. But I do love buying lipsticks. I’m a proud lipstick hoarder! I get my concealer and lipsticks from Kiko Milano. And the rest of the makeup I prefer using from The Body Shop. I LOVE their products.
How do you care for your hair?
I have a very busy lifestyle, which has now started to show on my hair. But whenever I get time, I apply some homemade hair masks. I don’t like using products with many chemicals or going to a salon spa. I make hair masks at home using curd, egg, honey and apply them to my hair.
How do you practise self-care in your life?
I make sure I always take time for myself every other weekend and indulge in some skincare face packs. For me, a self-love Saturday is a morning face mask, followed by a cup of tea with my mom or just ordering in some yummy food. I’m pretty minimal when it comes to self-care.
Your most treasured beauty item?
Sunscreen, concealer, and lipstick!
A styling/beauty tip that changed your life.
I always wash my face with water first and then gently pat before applying moisturizer. It makes your skin look softer and hydrated.
What small things make you feel beautiful?
Being an introvert being confident around new people makes me feel beautiful.
Do you have a beauty philosophy/mantra?
Yes, I like to keep things that I apply on my face as natural as possible. I love my homemade face and hair masks.
Do you have any fun hobbies?
I LOVE dancing. I haven’t been able to join any classes in a long time because of my work, but dancing is a stressbuster. I have also very recently started sketching and painting.
What’s your favourite book?
The White Tiger by Arvind Adiga. That is one of the books that has stayed with me since I read it. It somehow just makes you believe that if you’re ready to work for things you want in life, there’s nothing that can stop you. Obviously, apart from the murdering people part 😂
When I was 22, my boyfriend and I broke up after three years of dating. One summer afternoon after our lunch date, he abruptly ended the relationship. No fights. No arguments. “We can’t be together anymore.” It was as simple and as complicated as that.
My heart was shattered. I had convinced myself that I would never be happy again. How could I ever love someone else again? His sense of humour, his love and affection for me, the way he’d do silly things to make me laugh.
That day I learnt that the easiest thing that can change in the world is a person’s heart.
First, there’s a denial period. Then, those jolting 2 am reminders leave a lingering pain. Those long sleepless nights where you are struggling with the what-ifs.
“You are better off without him” your friends comfort you, but you don’t feel better off. You stalk his social media ten times a day because self-destruction is now your middle name.
Heartbreak hurts, even when it’s the best thing, even when we know it’s right, and even when we aren’t sure.
Since wallowing and eating nothing but gallons of ice cream and tons of pizza is only fun for an hour. Here are eight things I have learnt, including thoughtful words from people wiser than me. I hope they bring you comfort too-
1) Listen to the beat of your heart
Your friends know you the best. Lean on them. Some friends might suggest you swear off dating altogether, while the others might set you up with a rebound situationship. Only you know what feels right for you. Follow your heart and your intuition because they guide you towards the light.
2) It’s okay to not be okay
Nothing compares to the sadness and emptiness you feel when going through a broken heart. Nobody knows how many pieces you have to put back together or how many nights you spend wondering what went wrong.
Not only are you mourning the loss of love and partner but also the life that you had planned together. These feelings don’t disappear overnight. In the words of Lao Tzu, “nature does not hurry yet everything is accomplished.” So, let the pain consume you…and then heal you.
3) Nurture your body
Your body is a temple. Worship it. You feel the grief of the heartbreak in your body. It was an incredible way of getting over the breakup. Working out releases the same chemicals you do when you are in love.
4) Connect with something bigger
Go out for a long walk in nature. Release your emotions in your journal, practise daily meditation, read a book, join a yoga group or take up gardening. Connect with something bigger than yourself…and suddenly everything seems small. The goal is to take up anything that makes you feel rejuvenated and grounded. Doing this creates space for new, fresh, beautiful things again.
5) Give yourself a break
The painful memories of anger, resentment, guilt, and shame will hit you like a whirlwind. Forgive yourself and your partner for all the things that went wrong. You learned a lot from each other. Value your time together and let it go. Even though it’s over, it hadn’t been a waste. Every day is a gift, so make a decision … to no longer fill moments of your life with unproductive emotions that drain your energy.
Convince yourself to spend alone time with yourself. Go for a solo road trip with no destination. Explore a new city. There’s something arriving in a stranger city wandering empty streets with no destination. Do whatever it is that sparks your soul. And, do it by yourself. This time that you spend recreating yourself will be the most challenging and most rewarding time of your life.
7) Remember: you are not alone
Countless people are going through the pain of heartbreaks. A few of my friends who were familiar with the woes of a breakup shared their worst breakup stories with me. And then, I discovered an interesting love column called Modern Love, where there’s an essay on all kinds of heartbreak situations. I felt less lonely in my heartbreak, knowing that countless people have gone through devastating breakups, nasty divorces, and betrayals.
8) You’ll be happy again.
When you’re heartbroken, it’s hard to imagine ever feeling differently. But, one day, the sun will shine again, warming up your heart. And, you will realize that you are much stronger and more beautiful as a result of this breakup.
“Someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready.”
What advice would you add? Have you gone through a breakup recently? Are you going through one right now? If so, I’m sorry you are going through this. Sending you the biggest hugs!!! It’s the worst!! I promise you’ll get through this.
“We live in a world of limitations, and the only adrenaline we need to have is to break the codes and barriers in front of us.” Paris-based fashion designer Stimps Kwams talks about his fashion label Usure Project, which revolve which revolves around vintage, 90s hip-hop music & culture. Here, he shares the inspiration behind his designs and the powerful message for all aspiring fashion leaders.
Tell me your story. How did you get into fashion?
My story and my passion for fashion started very young. It started when I was 12, I would say with sneakers first and later with the influence of hip hop music. Attracted by artistic things and drawing, I turned to a model designer training between Rennes and Paris with a 3-year diploma. Then in 2019, I obtained my master’s degree in Luxury and Fashion Marketing.
When did your journey to fashion begin?
It all started during the Tumblr era in 2012. I had created a blog called ” No Ceiling in fashion design.” It was my mood board where I went to document myself.
I appreciated two accounts of Virgil Abloh * Pyrex Vision * and Nouveau Rich, managed by a salesperson from Louboutin Terry. Later, with Instagram, things had evolved a little more to connect directly to the creators.
What’s the story of your fashion label Usure Project? Have you always dreamed of having your label?
Usure project is the story of two friends who meet and are driven by the same passion. But for personal reasons, one of the group members leaves the ship. But this gives even more courage to the second to continue the project until completion. This is not necessarily my first dream. Because I had just finished my studies in styling and was coming out of a study internship that went wrong, this project allowed me to surpass myself and see how to make my place in this fashion environment.
Describe your journey of design from concept to construction?
My journey begins with searching for ideas.
I can spend weeks in the library reading books on fashion on the evolution of the concept itself and come across an artistic image that inspires me.
After consulting my textile printer on the possibility of making my idea real, I am also helped by my girlfriend, who is very talented in textile design and embroidery and several talented friends. I will hunt for pieces that I rework myself in a creative studio until the piece makes me dream.
Where do you find the inspiration for your designs?
It’s a lot of research and the message that the work of art evokes in me. Most of the time, I am inspired by the music I listen to, from the art of Basquiat to Salvadore Dali. Art allows bringing a force to clothes that no one has captured before.
What is your favourite part of the design process?
When I am done with 99% of the project. I have to add a detail like the last brushstroke to perfect the piece as a work of art.
How do you want people to feel when wearing your clothes?
I want them to feel like the next creative people of our time. The proof, all those who bought me clothes are either designers, artists or business leaders in fashion.
What ethics are important to you as a fashion designer while creating your designs?
My ethic is to never give up on my projects. Maybe the project you are proposing today does not appeal to the general public but do not stop until you come across the watchful eye of someone who understands your approach.
Are you working on anything exciting right now?
Of course, but I wouldn’t say more because a magician does not reveal all his magic tricks; otherwise, there is no surprise effect.
What advice would you give someone who wants to start their fashion label?
I can’t give great advice only if you are able enough to do it 100%.
How do you define fashion?
Fashion is the modern and contemporary art of transforming a piece of fabric into a work of art by using different molding or flat-cutting techniques according to the story that the creator wants to tell us.
Who is your biggest fashion inspiration?
I have in priority two personalities in mind the tenacity and the vision of Kanye West and the message that Virgil Abloh left us: “You can do it too.”
They are several: Kanye West, Asap Rocky, Pharell and Asap Nast they dare in their style.
They mix vintage pieces with luxury pieces. For me, they understood fashion because real fashion is vintage.
What keeps you motivated and inspired every day?
People who have succeeded despite the fact that the whole world took them for fools. We live in a world of limitations, and the only adrenaline we need to have is to break the codes and barriers in front of us.
What advice would you give to young designers just starting and hoping to make it in this cut-throat competitive industry?
If you want to get started, do it 100%. Only the sky is the limit. Do not be afraid to do it.
Do you often attend art exhibitions? Who are some of your favourite artists/photographers?
Yes, very often.
My favourite exhibitions are the artistic ones.
Installations like recently seen that of David Hammons on the Afro-American culture. A collective of young Parisian photographers who work on a project on the company AIR Afrique and that of Salvadore Dali.
The art of Kissing is something we often take for granted, at least as adults. After we’ve moved past our teen years, it almost seems like the least of your dating life concerns.
But let’s be honest, we all want to be kissed in a way that makes you weak in the knees.
As usual, we’ve got you covered with the best 9 juiciest kissing tips that will make your world go upside down 😉
1) Consent is sexy
Nothing is sexier than asking for consent. An unforgettable kisser seeks approval before going in for the kiss. Just by simply asking, ‘Can I kiss you?’ you can affirm the presence of a “yes,” not just the absence of a “no.” Once you know, your lover is feeling it, and they’ve said yes, proceed by holding eye contact with the sexy little lean-in. Or, if you want your partner to kiss you, you can look them in the eyes and say, “I’d love for you to kiss me right now.”
2) Be sure to ask
Kissing is such a powerful thing, yet we rarely take the time to ask our partners how they would like to be kissed. During a make-out session, the best thing you can do is ask your partner how they want to be kissed. Even something as simple as, “Does this feel good” or “Do you like this?” will do the magic. You’ll never know unless you ask. And, it’s a shame not to ask.
3) Be present
Your partner should feel your interest in them through your mouth.
Use your body language- eye contact, place your hand on your partner’s cheek — to create a connection while you’re making out. Pay attention to your partner’s body language and arousal. Being present in the moment allows you to surrender to your partner’s sugar lips, making it a steamy kiss.
A passionate kiss is usually done privately to allow both people to let their guards down and get into it. The moment of surrender is magical.
4) Close your Eyes
Kissing is a holistic sensory experience — smell, taste, and touch. Did you know that the other senses become heightened when you close your eyes? Try this: close your eyes the next time you take a bite of pizza; you’ll see that it tastes even more exquisite. So, closing your eyes while kissing takes the Kissing to the next level of passion and intimacy.
5) Slow and sensual
There’s no reason to rush, and each kiss should feel like you mean it! The best kiss starts slow and tender—like a soft touch of lips. Press your lips directly onto hers. Pull your partner closer to you and deepen the pressure of the kiss. Part your lips and gently use your tongue to stimulate your partner’s lips and tongue. Tongue tips often dance together and give a sexy idea of what they might be doing to other body parts later that evening.
Run your fingers up and down the nape of the neck, right where her hair meets the flesh. Let your lover know how much you cherish them holding them in a passionate embrace while time stands still all around you.
Watch your lover start to go wild on you, but we’re just getting started…
6) French Kissing
French Kissing is a super sexy instrument in your toolbox.
Start by using the tip of your tongue to make soft, slow, and sexy swirls around your partner’s tongue. Think of it as you’re massaging each other’s tongues. Suck and rub your partner’s tongue slowly — but not too hard.
Too much tongue!
A little tongue is delicate, but no choking with it. It’s a huge turn-off when someone uses too much tongue. It’s more surprising and fun if it’s gentle.
7) Wanderlust
A passionate kiss is not limited to just the lips. It’s tender; light kisses up the neck under the chin. Slowly moving the way to the neck. Then, behind the ears and down the neck, along the shoulders, and across the collar bone. Feel the magic-like sensation taking over your body.
8) Tease me, baby
“Touch me. Tease me. Play with my body.”
Sucking the upper or lower lip will drive your partner wild. Seductive them by sucking on their bottom lip as the kiss lingers. Lips are incredibly arousing as they house infinite nerve endings, and doing this immediately puts you in the best-kisser category.
9) Sugar lips
Having soft, pillowy lips makes everything better. You need to have soft and moisturized lips for the kiss to be even sexier. This is with a major impact on the entire process. Use a hydrating lip balm for soft sugar lips.
BONUS HOT TIP.
Moan, if it feels incredible. Even though moaning may be something you save for the bedroom, soft moans add to the sexiness and even make for a better kiss.
As Nelson Mandela once quoted “The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”
We have collectively dealt with hardships, disappointment, and loss during the pandemic in the past year.
When expectations are shattered, there can be broken hearts.
“I feel stuck; all my cups have spilled. The only thing that remains is this hollow emptiness.” This year more than ever, I felt overwhelmed with the feeling of being stuck while I ruminated on my pain and regrets.
This year felt like fighting 365 battles. Some days were full of rainbows and sunshine. The others felt like drowning in the ocean, struggling to come up for that breath of fresh air.
Your soul has stood powerfully strong this year. No matter what came your way, you stand tall with unshakable faith. That’s all that matters.
Reflect on the lessons of your hardship and how you survived each one of the roadblocks. How has this year strengthened you?
Remember: every disappointment and heartbreak presents itself as the opportunity to grow and learn from it.
Sometimes we must take a few steps backward to move forward.
It is said that darkness teaches us lessons that light could never. The brightest stars rise out of the darkness.
As we step into the new year, think about what is holding you back from taking the next big step in your life? What would you do if nothing stood in your way?
Shine a light on your fears. Striking out a new path often feels uncomfortable and scary. Let yourself feel this, and know that growing always comes from discomfort and pain.
Explore new territories. Step into the new beginnings and adventures into the unknown.
Your journey is uniquely yours, with all its bumps and detours. Let your inner light guide you to the galaxies of stars. The best is yet to happen.
Isn’t finding love and happiness considered the pinnacles of life goals?
Endless research suggests that the key to happiness is in the quality of your relationships. We spend years to find where our hearts belong.
When we finally get the answer, sometimes we can’t help but run away in fear.
“It’s good to be true,” we tell ourselves; the self-destruction begins.
Painful memories, messy breakups, and unhappy childhood memories lead us to push away those we love the most often without meaning to.
Having a fear of intimacy and letting someone is entirely normal, especially if you’ve had several failed relationships or have emotionally distant parents.
We spend so much time in indecision. Contrary to what we have been fed all our lives, opening yourself to someone and being vulnerable is not for the faintest of hearts.
With that being said, here are 10 surprising signs that you might be suffering from a fear of intimacy.
1) Abandonment Terrifies You
Fear of intimacy stems from the unresolved fear of abandonment. Those who grew up with emotionally distant parents then you’re most likely to develop this fear. You create a positive view of yourself but a negative view of others. You think to yourself, “the only person I can truly count on is myself.” You feel it’s always better to leave first before someone leaves you behind, again. It’s easier to not let people in because then it won’t hurt when they leave. You struggle with long-term romantic commitment and, in some cases, even friendships.
2) You’ve Never Been in a Relationship
…and it’s terrifying. If you’ve never been in a relationship, the idea of sharing deep personal intimacy and vulnerability can seem overwhelming and scary to the point where you feel like it’s better to stay single than to have any lover’s woes.
3) You Are Fiercely Independent
Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with being independent. After all, who doesn’t want to be self-sufficient, knowledgeable, and competent? But, you should also know when to ask for help. Being too independent, you take pride in never needing anything from anyone. In many ways, it makes you feel in control of your life and helps you keep an emotional distance from people. You never allow yourself to depend on anyone or need them. Your independence gives you the freedom of keeping everyone at arm’s length.
4) You always fall for the wrong one
Do you have a history of falling in love with the wrong people? Do you find yourself attracted to emotionally distant and unavailable people? Maybe abusive, unfaithful, and rude too? Picking partners that are not healthy can be seen as a sign of fear of intimacy because it allows you to not get too close to a person. You may find dark, damaged, and aloof people more appealing because you don’t have to worry about a stable and secure relationship with them. You also turn away people that offer security and stability.
5) You feel you ‘should’ be dating
You feel pressured because of the assumption you ‘should’ be dating at this point because you’re in your late 20s or even 30s. You’re just a happily single person. You find yourself fearing and running away from relationships. Know that it’s completely normal, and you’re not alone in feeling this.
6) You tend to be flaky
Being flaky means committing to do things but rarely following through with them. When people get close to you, your instinct is to push people away. Have you ever shared something personal and intimate about yourself with a person and then ghosted them? Having an honest and emotional conversation with someone scares you. So, you try to keep your distance by not getting too close to them. When someone comes too close to you, you can’t help but run away in the opposite direction.
7) You’re a perfectionist
If you’re a perfectionist, then chances are you have a tough time letting others see the flaws in you. You’re afraid you might be rejected because of them, or maybe you are too scared to even admit to yourself that you have any flaws in the first place. You tend to intimidate people by always putting up a perfect front. People may even find it hard to match up to your level. Keeping up with the show helps nobody here. Remember to be open and vulnerable with people you care about. Choose to trust them enough to see and accept your flaws.
Have you heard of the Japanese concept of ” wabi-sabi”? It is about loving what’s flawed, asymmetric, and often broken. It’s a view or thought of finding beauty in every aspect of imperfection in nature. It is to come over our tendency to have superiority and inferiority complexes. By this, I mean that this “self” you will love is an imperfect entity constantly changing.
8) The Ghost of your past relationships
Has this ever happened to you: you’ve had many different healthy intimate relationships, and none of them ever works out? You find yourself giving hope that you’ll ever find someone. With each breakup, your faith gets dimmer in finding your “the one.”
9) You are a workaholic
When you’re practically married to your job, it leaves no room for any serious relationship whatsoever. Or, you focus on work too much because it helps you divert your attention from having to confront your personal issues. Your career has become an excuse to not form any healthy, long-lasting relationships. People afraid of intimacy find it easier to pour all their energy into work to avoid committing to something serious. If you are a workaholic, then ask yourself: is this the reason why?
10) You sabotage your relationships
It goes without saying that if you fear intimacy, then you sabotage your relationships. This self-destructive behaviour only robs you of the opportunity to have a happy and healthy relationship. You may be doing this unknowingly by not expressing your feelings to others. Or you deliberately doing things you know could upset or hurt the people you love. Did you know that research shows that people who cheat on their partners have a deep fear of intimacy?
By the time we recognize these patterns in ourselves, we are already set in our ways. Healing from our emotional baggage is a long process. It can take years to fully let go of things that weigh us down. However, it doesn’t always have to be this way. With diligence, support, and awareness, you got this. The journey of thousand miles begins by simply taking the first step. The first step here is simply noticing the signs.
Did you find yourself nodding along to any of these signs? Now that you recognize these signs in you, are you finally ready to overcome this damaging fear of intimacy? Did you have anything else to add? Let us know in the comments below. Do not forget to send this to anyone who can benefit from this.
You don’t meet people by accident. And nothing in life happens by coincidence.
I met Wisal as soon as I landed in Paris at the railway station. It was late at night. Watching me struggle, she generously offered to help me carry my luggage.
“Wait, I’ll come to help you.” she declared as she came down the stairs to take my luggage with me.
That moment was just the beginning of our cosmic sisterhood.
“What are you doing in Paris?” she asked me after we carried my luggage from the station.
” Just travelling,” I replied.
It was her first day in Paris too.
She asked me if I was travelling with someone.
“I am travelling solo,” I replied.
“ME TOO!!!” she said as her eyes lightened up with excitement.
As we talked, we found out we were in the same hostel. And then, in the same room.
It was meant to be. I felt it in my heart.
Later that night, we bonded over our love for art, fashion, and vintage shopping. What brought us even closer is that we refuse to play by society’s rules.
It’s sad when people don’t get to follow their dreams because of the pressure from society.
It’s better to rebel and work hard for your dreams than regret them years later.
Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman. It’s especially tough if you are a brown woman. There’s are certain subliminal messaging that comes with it. You need to dress a certain way, be married by 30, and have kids.
We both very strongly rebelled against that and weren’t afraid to speak our minds.
At 16, Wisal ran away from her parents’ house. Her Moroccan parents never accepted her free artist soul. The culture was oppressed, and there was no room for her dreams.
“I felt suffocated all the time living in that house. So, I ran away. Living on the streets is better than my parents’ house.” she said.
While listening to her story, it felt as though we had known each other for a long, long time.
Imagine meeting a human version of yourself. Looking in a mirror. One soul, two bodies.
We spent the next eight days falling in love with the magic of Paris.
No agenda. No planning. No advanced reservations.
Wake up, and follow your heart.
We would wake up each day not knowing how our day would end. And, every day was better than the last. A magical dream that I never wanted to end.
One of the most memorable and favourite moments from that trip was this…
It was pouring rain. We decided to go out for a night stroll. Sitting next to a river under the moonlight we started to dance in the middle of the street as though no one was watching.
At that moment, I knew we were going to be part of each other’s lives for a really long time. It brought a smile to my face. Watching her sing and dance in those empty streets.
That moment is so special to me because as I watched Wisal dance, I looked at her and felt pure love in my heart. I never knew I loved someone this way. I remember feeling so thankful that I met this incredibly remarkable woman.
I wished for that moment to never end, for the time to stop. Freeze. So I could relive it again and again.
We would joke that we didn’t need Chanel, Dior, or Gucci to make us happy. We were just grateful to be making such incredible memories together.
There I was in the most romantic city in the world with the greatest love of my life.
Of all the roads I travelled, the roads to Paris were the most magical.
Ellen Tso is a badass boss babe who not only owns F45 training but is also a senior store manager at Aritzia. Here, she reveals her skincare bible for everlasting youthful skin, her love for fashion and a life-changing beauty tip that cuts off her morning routine time by half.
What inspired you to start your own fitness studio?
I started going to group fitness classes as a way to spend some ME time and to relieve stress from work. Before I started my fitness journey, it has always been “let’s grab a drink” or reaching for a glass of wine after every long workday. Don’t get me wrong, I still love to leisurely go for drinks, but I no longer want to feel like depending on alcohol to relax, and I don’t miss the feeling of hangovers. I absolutely love the feeling of giving it my all in a short time frame and the feeling of endorphins after a rewarding workout session.
I have also attempted to go to a regular big box gym, however, for a beginner, it was quite intimidating not knowing how to operate some of the equipment or make efficient use of my time there. After a year of having a consistent workout routine at F45, I felt stronger and healthier not only physically but also mentally! Starting my own F45 studio came naturally after that as I wanted to create an inclusive community here and foster nothing but team positivity and a space for people to connect on their physical and mental well-being.
How does it feel to be living every girl’s dream aka working for Aritzia?
It’s been 8 years and I still love it! The team is absolutely inspirational and you are surrounded by industry-leading fashion every day!
Being a badass business owner, and crushing at your full-time job at Aritzia. Do you have any tips on keeping that work-life balance?
Always making time for myself and NEVER ever feeling bad about needing quality ME time. Sometimes it feels like everyone and everything needs my attention all the time, so I really try to carve out time for myself, and time block it to protect my work-life balance.
90% of the time I am in a matching sports bra with biker shorts, with an oversized blazer on top!
How do you incorporate colours in your fashion/style?
I love my dark and bright colours equally. The monochromatic look is my favourite, or I would do bright matching sets with an oversized black or cream blazer.
If you could wear just one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
This is so hard! I am going to cheat and pick something for every season lol.
Spring: crop tee with 90’s jeans, and oversized blazer.
Summer: Matching sports bra and biker shorts (TNA BUTTER!)
Fall: sweater dress!
Winter: Matching Sweatsuit
Let’s talk skincare. What’s your daily skincare routine?
AM: After washing my face in the morning, I always put on Vitamin C serum and a moisturizer that contains SPF. This is important to me because I don’t love the look of having an extra layer of sunscreen on my face. My go-to daytime moisturizer is the Josie Maran Argan Daily Moisturizer SPF 47.
PM: I consider my evening skincare routine as part of my sacred “ME” time, so it is quite lengthy! Although I typically don’t wear foundation, I’ll start by soaking miscellar water on my Shiseido cotton and thoroughly wiping my face.
In the next step, I’ll use Shu Uemura cleansing oil to break down my eye makeup – I’ve used this brand for years and swear by it!
After my face is free of makeup, that’s when I begin my skincare routine. I used to start with toner, but now I typically go straight to patting some Essence on my face. Currently, I am using Tatcha’s Essence treatment. Before that, I had been using the SKII Facial Treatment Essence for years. The key here is to just pour some onto your hand and pat thoroughly on your face – no cotton pads so we are not wasting any product!
After the Essence absorbs, I’ll move on to the serum, eye cream and finally moisturizer!
I care for my hair by doing absolutely nothing to it. I don’t colour my hair and avoid using heat on it whenever possible!
A beauty product you cannot go without
Eyebrow gel. I can’t leave my house without my eyebrows full these days!
A styling/beauty tip that changed your life.
I have to say that having Eyelash extensions is life-changing for me. It cuts my morning routine time by half and makes me feel so naturally beautiful!
What’s your beauty philosophy?
Let your natural beauty shine through!
What self-love activities do you do to keep yourself grounded?
I love to go hiking in the mountains, it is truly incredible to surround yourself in nature and go social media free for even just a few hours!
What small things make you feel beautiful?
The glow after a sweaty workout session makes me feel absolutely confident and beautiful every time!
Tell us about things you love to do? Do you have any fun hobbies?
I love to spend a lazy morning with my dog Minion. He is a senior pug, so we normally just go for a 10-minute walk and then cuddle.
What are you most passionate about in life?
I am passionate about staying active and carving out time for myself before giving 100% to every other commitment in life. What that looks for me is having a consistent exercise schedule and scheduled weekly date nights with my husband, so we don’t forget to enjoy life.
Do you have a favourite TV show/movie? Are you watching anything exciting right now?
