Sidewalks

Tag: Dating

  • How Do You Know Your Partner Is The One?

    How Do You Know Your Partner Is The One?

    Previously, we have talked about various things such as dating, ghosting and pregnancy. Lately, I have been mulling over the question: How do you know when a person is right for you? What makes a partner the one?

    Anytime a couple that has been together for a long time tells the story of how they met, they can always pinpoint the moment in which they knew they found “the one.”

    It’s said, there is that moment of clarity, where you realize you would rather be with this person than anyone else in the world. However, there are also many small moments leading up to such an incredible epiphany.

    Keeping that in mind, I reached out to a few couples (friends, acquaintances and strangers) to share their answers to THE question. Their answers melted my heart, surprised and amused me…

    It felt inevitable. 

    “I knew he was special when our first date lasted five hours, and we had already planned our second date two days later. Fast forward four months later on one busy Friday evening, we were standing in line to pay for Costco’s taco kit. I was going to ask him a question, and he cut me off and asked, ” what do you want for dessert?”, to which I replied, “ice-cream,” He then said to answer your previous question, “No.” I looked at him, surprised and said, “What was that the answer to?”. To that, he replied, “No, I don’t want fries!” That’s when I knew he was the one!” Jasmeet

    Photography by Aspen & Ash Photography

    We always knew.

    We met when I was 15. And, had known each other for quite a few years. We had pretty much always crushed on each other till we finally got together when I was 19. We were still dating other people but always felt this pullback to each other when we were single.

     He always told me there were these little moments that confirmed in his mind I was the one. Four months in dating each other, we confessed we loved each other. However, I knew he was the one when I opened up to him about my sexual assault as a child six months into dating. 

    I was going to court against my abuser. I knew that if there was ever a moment that could break our relationship, this was it. But, he never hesitated. Instead, he showed his full love and support for me. I had a preliminary trial that lasted three days not long after I told him about it, which progressed into three more days of court and years of fighting for justice. He was there every day, every step of the way. He was the one he was home. And, seeing him accept and love me without hesitating despite the PTSD I faced, and the anxiety of it all told me he would love me forever. 

    He was the one. He proposed a year later. And have been married for six years. We haven’t looked back since. We’ve created a new life together.” Meghan

    We started off as friends.

    “We met at the most unexpected moment of my life. It was not love at first sight, nor did I get butterflies when we first met. He was actually my designated driver for the party we were going to that night. We did start to form a connection during the party, danced a bit, and even pecked a kiss. However, in my mind, it was all still friendly.

    I knew that this man could potentially be my lover because of how naturally everything came into play. I felt like we became really good friends right away, and then the intimacy later developed around our already evolved friendship.

    I knew Nacho was the guy for me when he started to bring me food every weekend or invited me to his place to eat because he knew I was too busy to cook for myself. As funny as it sounds, I saw his genuine care for me as a person, and I knew that if I want to go anywhere in life, having someone who supports me would be essential, and to see that so early on in our relationship was really comforting.

    We are closer than ever now, he is my best friend and lover in one. We motivate each other to achieve our goals and support one another along the way, I could not have asked for a better partner in this life journey.” Shabo

    He has always been the one.

    Paawan and I were classmates, and one day out of the blue, he just asked me out. I think we both were 13 years old then. We were not in love when we started going out, but gradually it turned into that.

    However, we broke up when we were 17. Not that we didn’t love each other. That, I was moving away to a boarding school in a different city. The long-distanc didn’t work. I was devastated after the breakup. Years passed, and, both of us had our separate lives. We moved on and dated other people.

     I knew he was the one when my other relationship ended. I was contemplating the kind of partner I wanted in my life. And all my answers led to him. 

    When I was at my lowest in life, he was there to pick me up. I remember a particular night when I was feeling the lowest I ever had in my life. That night, he stayed with me on call the entire night. After that night, I decided I wanted to give us another chance. We discussed it, and a few weeks later, he asked me out again, and I said yes, and there’s been no looking back since then!” Sidi

    I just knew she was my person.

    “My partner and I matched on Tinder. She charmed her way into my life and became a significant part of it very quickly. She is captivating, caring, adventurous, extremely beautiful, and we “get” each other. I can’t help but wonder, “how did I get so lucky?”

    This February, we went for a weekend getaway to Banff. And, one big thing about me is that I LOVE mountains. Being there with her, I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. I was mesmerized with her more than mountains, and I didn’t think that was ever possible. And, the most beautiful part of it all is that admitted to feeling precisely the same way. There’s no guessing, no games, just a mutual knowledge that this is it. It’s us from now on.” Charlotte

    These stories were simply beautiful. Talking to actual humans made the answer to a seemingly complex question so much more straightforward than google. I would love to open the floor for anyone that wants to share their stories.

    Are you currently in a relationship? How did you know your partner was the one? I would love to know.

    P.S.

    A super awesome dating tip.

     

    xx

    Yachna

  • My Brother’s Awesome Dating Tip.

    My Brother’s Awesome Dating Tip.

    Last week, I talked about ghosting, so I figured I’d share my brother’s awesome dating tip this week. A few months ago, my brother said something that changed the way I approached dating-

    I had a crush on this guy, let’s call him Nate (smart, shy, cute smile). After having a crush on him for a few months, I decided to take it to the next level and initiated a casual coffee date.

    Fast forward, a few dates later, we were flirting over the text all the time. I would smile ear to ear, seeing Nate’s name pop up on my screen. However, not being too fond of texting, I decided one day to propose speaking over the phone. 

    That evening, I began analyzing my game plan: how I should phrase the question, what would sound confident without coming on too strong. “Be casual and playful” was the mantra I had in mind while I mulled over the little details for a half an hour before finally sending the text.

    So, I finally asked the question. Actually, I typed and deleted it several times until I built up the courage to finally say it. “Call me tonight- I wanna hear your voice.” 

    What evolved over the next two hours was the constant overanalyzing of the text in question. “this was a mistake. I shouldn’t have texted him at all,” I muttered to myself, glancing at the blank screen, eagerly waiting for his reply.

    Later that night, six hours and still no response later, I couldn’t stop wondering, “Was I asking for too much too soon?”, “did I sound needy”? yadi yada yada. All these questions were enough to make my mind explode. 

     Upon filling in my brother with the details of this situation, he casually replied,” “Here’s the thing with dating: they either like you or don’t.”

    It seems so silly and obvious. However, it was totally liberating. When we start a new relationship (or a friendship), we tend to sweat and over analyze every little detail. For instance, the timing of your text message, the way you say hello, what to wear for the date, what to say over a text message or on a date. After all, it’s either fuck yes or a simple no.

    Anytime I am dating someone, I find myself reflecting on every little detail when I should just be relaxing and enjoying it. The truth is, what I say in a text won’t change their feelings about me. 

    Once I started just being my weird self, I had so much more fun dating.  I chose not to sweat the details. I would order that burger instead of the salad, make those silly quirky jokes, and send a double text if I felt like it. As my brother said, if he liked me, he did (and if he didn’t, he wouldn’t). 

    As a single gal, I have FINALLY realized, “if it’s not a yes, it’s a no,” the pressure was off. No more mixed messages, no more interpreting phone calls, texts, emails. If it’s a “maybe,” “I’m not sure,” “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” or any other variation, it’s a no. 

    This simple tip has freed me from overthinking and second-guessing every tiny detail.

    What do you think? What wise dating advice have you heard? And what’s your relationship status these days? Is anyone dating right now?

    P.S.

    Overanalyzing kills magic. Savour the present.

    xx

    Yachna 

    Featured Image: Pierrot Le Fou (1965)

  • Have You Ever Been Ghosted?

    Have You Ever Been Ghosted?

    If you aren’t familiar with ghosting, then SPOILER ALERT!!, this is no fun…

    Confusion hurt, and even anger circulated through my body. My face flushed with tones of bright red and pink. The voice in my head shouted out questions I did not have answers to “Am I not good enough,” “What did I do wrong?”. Two days had passed without any word from the man whose name popping up on my phone screen simply brought a smile to my face. Ghosted. He ghosted me!  

    Since wallowing in a tub of ice cream is only fun for an hour, here are six things I’ve learned, including some very sound advice from the people that are wiser than me. I hope this brings you comfort (if and when you need it).

    1) No Contact: 

    Trying to solve the mystery can result in unhealthy behaviours— sending a barrage of texts, creeping on the other person’s social media—that can get dark fast, explains Erika Martinez, PsyD, a licensed psychologist in Miami, Florida. So, no texting, calling or snooping through their social media. I find most of the time, “the best reaction is no reaction at all”.

    And, regarding that deep need for closure: “He doesn’t want to speak to you.” I would instantly remind this to myself, and all my urges to text him would go away. 

    2) Don’t Take It Personally:

    In conversation with one of my friends, who also happens to be a therapist, said, “He may be struggling with issues that have nothing to do with you.” He further added, “people with emotional immaturity and very bad social cues ghost people.” Yikes!!

    These words didn’t make me feel instantly better, but it did give me a fresh perspective. Ghosting says a lot more about (the person who ghosted you) than you.

    3) Connect With Yourself:

    …and suddenly things feel better. To stop obsessing every detail that led up to the event, I focus all my energy on my reading a book, journaling, or any activity that boosts my mind.

    For me, the best response to being rejected by anyone in life, is to ask myself, “how can I make this the best thing that ever happened to me?” and then do that. And, that’s how you make rejection empowering and inspiring.

    4) Boost-Up Your Self-Esteem 

    Getting ghosted can be a blow to a person’s self-esteem. Dressing up, doing my hair, painting my nails, wearing my best shoes and going out with my girlfriends does the trick for me. Just get out there and have a fantastic time!!

    4) Talk To Your Friends:

    My girlfriends are the therapists that I could never afford. On the phone playing over analyzing every little detail with my friend about this, she very casually replied, “In the grand scheme of life, this man is just ONE hot second.” And, I CANNOT tell you how amazing that felt to hear.

    So often situations seem worse than they really are. It’s great to be reminded to step back and look at the big picture. 

    5) Long Drives

    One of my favourite things to do is to go for long drives solo. Anytime I am low and need some downtime for myself, I get in my car turn on my music, and I just drive. I especially enjoy long rides with no destinations with my true few. Honestly, so special.

    6) Let It Go

    Being ghosted is like being told you are not even worth the effort to write a text. That alone was my reason to move on.

    For the first few days, I couldn’t shake the feeling of being disrespected and humiliated.”I am better than this!” I declared to no one in particular. For me, I have decided that I do not want to be with the type of person who would ghost me. “Don’t burn daylight chasing the wrong one. The right one won’t run.”

    Then one morning you wake up, the sun seems brighter. And, just like that, you look forward to never look back again.

    Have you ever been ghosted? If yes, tell us what happened. How did it make you feel? How did you handle the situation?

    P.S.

    You need to know that you are enough.

    xx

    Yachna

    Featured Image: Gossip Girl Top Image: Me by Meghan Diniz.