Sidewalks

Tag: Motherhood

  • 8 Step Guide to Sex After Baby

    8 Step Guide to Sex After Baby

     

    Giving birth changes everything. You’re a parent now. When your body goes through such a powerful transformation, it’s only natural to feel discomfort, pain, and tiredness. Your priority is the miraculous new life you have created. Sleeping, eating, reading, drinking tea, you name it, and giving birth changes it.

    Does it mean you have to say goodbye to a sexy time with your partner? Giving birth does not mean saying farewell to your juicy sex life. The health experts recommend waiting for at least six weeks after giving birth before having sex again. But, you take as long as you need before you feel comfortable. Listen to your body and give it all the time it needs.

    Sex can be as satisfying as before your baby came along with these nine juicy tips approved by sex educator and intimacy coach Simone Farschi–

    1)Yoni Steaming 

    Yoni steaming is an ancient, powerful ritual and practice used in many cultures to support yoni wellness and feminine power. The healing herbs in the steam gently penetrate deep into the vaginal canal, cleansing the womb of toxins.

     It’s excellent practice for restoring connection from our female body, increasing yoni/uterus healing time from birth, cleansing, and getting you tuned in. 

    I would highly recommend you check out the ultimate guide to yoni steaming that you can do from the comfort of your home. 

    2) Sex without sex

     Fact: After birth, our bodies are less forgiving when it comes to penetration without full arousal.

     You may be well ready for sex but are worried that it might be painful. Most mothers find it challenging to get it on after childbirth, making it more challenging to go into sexual space mainly because our bodies are not ready. 

    Talk to your partner, and let them know you desire an intimate sexual connection. Forget about penetrative sex for a while. Instead, explore new and exciting ways to give and receive pleasure.

    HOT TIP: Don’t underestimate the power of deep intimacy of eye gazing or holding hands that have nothing to do with physical touch.

    Even if it’s just a few minutes to kiss before falling asleep at night. Let your partner know that you enjoy pleasure outside of lovemaking by saying, “I love it when you gaze into my eyes and gently kiss my lips.” Even if it’s a single moment, allow yourself to stay there a little longer. Take it slow. Enjoy each other’s bodies and enjoy the now without expectations of where it will lead. 

    3) It’s okay to ask for help

    Your mind and body need time to adjust physically and emotionally to this beautiful and exhausting new chapter of your life. 

    This can be a real challenge for most mothers. Next time you feel overwhelmed about your to-do list, pause and check in with yourself. Be honest about your needs. 

     Give yourself a break. Lean on your partner because trust me, they might not know what you need help with- so this is your opportunity to let them in. 

    4) Reconnect with your voice 

    Own your birth story. Claim your experience. This is something we often overlook. Be the writer of your story. Remember how strong you are and all the times that courage has pulled you through. 

    Reconnecting your voice starts with getting clear about your feelings and what you desire. You will find you have a new voice; she is strong, and it may feel overwhelming to see this new woman, but she’s a warrior, and she’s fierce. Embrace it. 

    5) Set aside time for romance

    Don’t let the romance fizzle out. Once the baby is a few months old, it might be wise to plan weekly date nights where you and your partner get to spend some much-needed alone time. Go out for a romantic candlelight dinner. Indulge in sensual massages or foot rubs. Cuddle with your partner, falling asleep in their arm. Let yourself feel your partner’s body. This will help you surrender yourself into a space of safety and receiving. 

    6) Keep talking to each other

    You need each other. Now, more than ever. Speak honestly with your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t. Many couples struggle to adapt to their new roles as parents. Check in on your partner daily. 

    Discuss: How are you feeling? How are we? How are we as parents? How are we as a couple? What can we do to be there for each other right now? 

     Remember, you are two people nurturing a new life together. Give space and honour each other’s experiences and emotions while supporting bringing it back to a plan for togetherness. 

    7) Be kind to your body

    The first few months after your baby’s birth are the toughest. Your body is recovering. Your body goes through numerous changes throughout pregnancy, including hormonal changes and weight gain. One of the major concerns women have is with their post-pregnancy body.

     Let go of any unrealistic expectations of what your body needs to look like post-childbirth. Find acceptance in the present state of your post-birth body. Always remember how powerful your body is, and the miracle is performed. Yes, your body did that! 

    Be kind and accepting of your body. Share positive messages with yourself. Your body and outlook on the world have changed, and that is beautiful, wise and attractive. 

    8) Invite new pleasure into your life

    Take time to move your body by doing daily stretches, taking walks with your baby, or indulging in long relaxing baths. There’s no rush. Start where you are, and listen to your body. The happy hormones released through exercise will do wonders for your mental health. Take a few deep long breaths. You got this, Mama! And for an added dose of self-love, schedule yourself that massage you so deserve! 

     

    Is there anything else that you would like to add to the list? I’d love to hear your thoughts/comments on this.

     

    Remember to share this with a momma to brighten up her day <3

     

    xx

    Yachna 

     

    P.S.

    6 powerful ways to reconnect with your mind, body, and soul 

     

    (Featured Image by Mehran Djojan)

     

  • On What A Miscarriage Feels Like.

    On What A Miscarriage Feels Like.

    Several weeks ago, Ellen took it to her Instagram to share her painful feelings of grief and loss after a missed miscarriage. She left isolated and lonely in her sadness and realized how difficult it was for her to talk to anyone.

    Here, Ellen’s personal reflection captures the grief, loss and isolation she felt after her miscarriage and its impact on her mental health in the hopes that it will help others in talking about their lost pregnancy without feeling any shame or stigma.

    Just three weeks ago, Alan and I sat in our ultrasound clinic and saw our unborn baby’s heartbeat through the screen.

    It was only six weeks and two days old, but our little baby had a steady heartbeat, and the next time we will be able to hear the heartbeat and walk out with a printed ultrasound photo.

    I would have never imagined that I would be that one in four, to step out of there with nothing but a broken heart.

    Up to one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage- good odds that suddenly seem stacked against you when you find out you’re expecting and start to think every little twinge is an impending catastrophe.

    I am one in four.

    A statistic I never wanted to be a part of but found myself in.

    The worst part is, I wasn’t even desperately trying to get pregnant…it just happened.

    But upon seeing that heartbeat, it made me feel like the only thing in this world that mattered was this baby and that I was the luckiest person in the world to be blessed with a child so fast.

    On December 09, 2020, I woke up early to get my lashes filled because I wanted to take pictures to announce it to the world.

    I didn’t know that some time between these last three weeks, very soon after we saw our baby’s heartbeat, it stopped beating for good. And, I had no idea.

    My body went cold as I watched the tech try desperately to locate a heartbeat or any movement, and my own heart stopped in that room.

    I googled and googled…and I found out it’s called a missed miscarriage.

    Your baby dies, but for some reason, your body isn’t aware of it, and there are no signs or symptoms.

    I still felt pregnant.

    When I didn’t become nauseous, I just assumed I was breezing through it. My jeans didn’t fit anymore, and I was still more exhausted than usual.

    I’ve never felt grief like this.

    Everything is just a statistic until it happens to you.

    Somehow I just lost track of time, it just went from being that dreadful Tuesday to the end of a Friday for three full days without me noticing it.

    I just wanted to stay in bed and hide from the world because I feel like I’ve failed everyone.

    As much as I tried to be healthy and productive, all I could bring myself to do is eat dessert for dinner and binge watch Netflix.

    I look at Alan, and I feel like I failed him. I couldn’t make him a dad that he was so excited to become.

    Sharing this terrible news with our parents gave me the biggest anxiety I’ve ever felt my entire life, knowing they will be so disappointed and feeling like I have wasted their time and energy over the last few weeks.

    I never thought that I would share a struggle that is so private, but now I know that this is something that so many women experience but so few talk about.

    Not sure when or if ever I’ll be completely okay.

    About two weeks after the miscarriage, I went back to work for the first time.

    It felt good to talk to everyone; it felt right for my mental health to share this experience.

    However, many things still triggered me despite me thinking that I was mentally ready to move on.

    For instance- I hid in the corner when a pregnant coworker came in, unable to look her in the eye and join the excited conversation of her due date.

    I felt like a terrible person but just had to learn to accept that I wasn’t ready to celebrate someone else’s pregnancy after just losing my own.

    And you know that Frequency Illusion when you learn something new you start seeing it everywhere?

    Well, Alan and I may have started our stroller shopping early and decided on one particular model, and all of a sudden, this stroller is now appearing everywhere I go.

    To make things worse, I developed a terrible pelvic ache that lasted two weeks and kept me from doing any physical activity.

    I’ve always been an active person, and when I felt like I was finally mentally ready to get back to my routine, the physical pain kept me in bed feeling too depressed and reliving everything that “could’ve been.”

    When people say time heals, they are not lying.

    More than one month after this happened, I am finally somewhat back on track to finding normalcy.

    My pelvic pain disappeared, my usual routine resumed, and Alan and I are ready to try again when we can. I wanted to document my thoughts and this journey because, honestly, nobody talks about it enough.

    When you learn that you are pregnant, nobody tells you, “Hey, congrats, but just heads up, 1/4 pregnancy ends in miscarriage.”

    You always only learn this AFTER shit happens. I know that even if we prepare ourselves, nothing will ease the pain.

    Perhaps, it would prevent that first question from popping into your head, which is “What did I do wrong?”

    Thank you so much Ellen for sharing such a personal experience with us. After listening to Ellen’s story I hope that we can continue to change the stigmas around miscarriage so that so many women don’t have to feel isolated through this gut-wrenching type of grief.

    Sending warm hugs and lots of love to those out there who have lost pregnancies. I want you to know that you’re not alone!

    xx

    Yachna

    P.S. How To Be A Friend To Someone Who Has Had A Miscarriage. and On Healing From The Loss Of A Loved One.

    (Featured Image by abbeydrucker)

  • Pregnancy Survival Guide: Second-Trimester Checklist

    Pregnancy Survival Guide: Second-Trimester Checklist

    Last week, I shared the first-trimester checklist with you. Continuing this week is again, Henna’s second-trimester checklist and why this was her favourite part of the pregnancy.

    Here goes…

    The second trimester was my favourite part of being pregnant.

    The horrendous nausea of the first trimester has passed, and the vastness of the third trimester is yet to come. This is the glowy part.

    Your hair looks amazing, the skin is glowing, you can feel the baby move, and you float around on the bliss of making a new person. I was beaming, glowing, all things awesome. 

     Keeping that in mind, this second-trimester checklist has got you and your little one covered: 

    1) Find Out the Gender: As the days passed by, I just knew it in my heart; it was a boy. My husband, Vic, was sure it was going to be a girl. I was right (mamas know the best). He is now over the moon about having a basketball buddy for life.

    2) Go for a 20-week anatomy scan: One of the highlights for my pregnancy was this scan. For the very first time, we could see the tiny arms and legs, hands and feet and everything else of the baby. To experience our little jelly bean, grow from a peanut to full human with bones melted our hearts.

    3) Plan the gender reveal: Due to COVID, we planned a virtual gender reveal over video call to our friends and family. It wasn’t exactly the way we had hoped it would be. Regardless, we can’t wait to meet our BABY BOY!!!

    4) Buy a pregnancy pillow: My little one was growing so big so fast as the days passed. I found it increasingly difficult to walk or sleep comfortably. To that, my friend recommended me a pregnancy pillow. Luckily, I had soft cushiony pillows at home, so I didn’t need to buy any special ones. However, my friend swears by this pregnancy pillow.

    5) Buy nursing bras:  As my pregnancy progressed, so did my discomfort for anything underwire. My friend has been using this comfortable nursing bra. I found these bras to be reasonably priced as well as insanely comfortable and supportive. Definitely, worth it.

    6) Daily Stretches/Prenatal Yoga: My doctor recommended me prenatal yoga as he rightly predicted that it would help ease my pelvic pain that women very commonly tend to experience as the baby grows. Prenatal yoga also helped me a great deal to stay calm and relaxed throughout my pregnancy.

    7) Get Started on the Nursery: From nursery themes to decor ideas, a lot went into getting my nursery ready. By my third trimester, I had very little to no energy. Having started this early was a pretty good idea.

    8) Sign up for a breastfeeding course: Many breastfeeding mamas swear by Milkology. This site includes a massive FREE library that includes checklists, guides, cheatsheets and high-quality breastfeeding courses.

    9) Switch to natural cleaning methods: I switched to these and have been loving them. Stock up!!

    Henna’s final tip on the second trimester is, “do as much as you can during the first two trimesters of your pregnancy. That way, you can ease and relax during the third trimester, which can be extremely uncomfortable.”

    What pregnancy tips would you share? Any cravings? Anything that made you feel better?

    xx

    Yachna

  • Pregnancy Survival Guide: First-Trimester Checklist

    Pregnancy Survival Guide: First-Trimester Checklist

    Are any of you pregnant right now? We have talked about dating, ghosting and self-care. Today, I figured I would share a pregnancy survival guide with you, starting off with the first-trimester checklist.

    Henna is due with a baby boy in September. They were over the moon about the good news. This being her first pregnancy, Henna said, “I had no idea what to buy or what we really need or what where even to start.” She was extremely anxious and overwhelmed with the excess information on the topic.

    In the beginning, she would follow her doctor’s advice (moderate-intensity exercise, no wine, get a flu shot, etc). If she had any specific question, she would call her mom or a friend. As her pregnancy progressed, she leaned towards her natural instincts and got more comfortable in deciding for herself.

    Henna did not read any specific book on the topic. Did you find a book that you really loved? If yes, I’d love to hear in the comments below.

    Inspired by my Henna’s super detailed first-trimester pregnancy checklist, I decided it would be a huge disservice to not share the checklist with you. She has put in endless hours of research into this guide so that you never have to. Here it goes…

    First Trimester Checklist:

    1. Take a pregnancy test.
    2. Announce Pregnancy to your partner.
    3. Choose a way to announce the pregnancy.
    4. Calculate the baby’s due date.
    5. Find an OBGYN or a midwife.
    6. Start taking prenatal vitamins. My favourite is Materna.
    7. Make a list of questions for your doctor.
    8. Create a Pinterest board. Here’s mine.
    9. Download a pregnancy app. The app that I have been using is this.
    10. Get a belly oil. This one is my ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE.
    11. If you are sick around the clock, and can’t get the sickness and dizziness under control, my friend Janelle recommends eating ginger anything. Chimes Ginger Chews are god sent. You’re welcome.

    What pregnancy tips would you share? Any cravings? Any pregnancy books that you loved? Things that make you feel better?

    P.S.

    Up next: What to register for your new baby, second-trimester and third-trimester checklist.

    xx

    Yachna

    Picture by thorson_photography