Sidewalks

Tag: relationships

  • Where the Fuck Is the Romance I Was Promised When I Was a Little Girl?

    Where the Fuck Is the Romance I Was Promised When I Was a Little Girl?

    When I was a little girl, I was promised romance.

    Not grand gestures or fairy tales necessarily, but something simpler: a man who desired you and wasn’t afraid to show it. Someone emotionally present. Someone who called because he wanted to hear your voice. Someone who made you feel chosen.

    Instead, somewhere along the way, many of us seem to have been handed a very different reality.

    You would think that a man who has been introduced to you for the purpose of marriage would be emotionally available or at least willing to invest time in getting to know you.

    Well, you would be wrong.

    It usually starts with butterflies, roses, and rainbows. He reaches out consistently, compliments you, and gives you hope for the future. Slowly, you begin to let your guard down and entertain the possibility that maybe, finally, you’ve met the one.

    Then, just as you settle into the idea of a happily ever after, things start to shift.

    He pulls back.

    He becomes emotionally distant.

    The compliments disappear.

    The warmth fades.

    Suddenly, you’re left confused, and the emotional labor of guessing begins.

    You try to communicate. You ask whether something is wrong, and he reassures you that everything is fine.

    So, you convince yourself of the same.

    “Maybe I’m just overthinking,” you tell yourself.

    But, the distance remains. And, no amount of reassurance changes the reality of how you feel.

    And sadly, this isn’t just my story.

    When I started talking to other women…the serial daters. The happily married women. The unhappily married women. The divorced women. The single women.

    The details changed, but the stories felt remarkably similar.

    There was a common theme in all these conversations: there seems to be a growing absence of emotional availability.

    A reluctance to go deeper.

    To be vulnerable.

    To talk honestly about fears, family history, past wounds, or emotional needs.

    A friend recently told me how frustrated and exhausted she was because her husband barely called or texted her for weeks at a time. Weeks?!

    I used to think dating was rough, but when married women are struggling to receive basic communication from their own spouses, we’ve completely lost the plot.

    There’s a pattern I can no longer ignore: men who won’t fully choose you, but won’t fully let you go either. They give you just enough attention to keep you around and just enough distance to keep you confused. They breadcrumb you into lingering, hoping, and waiting.

    Maybe this sounds familiar.

    Maybe right now you’re thinking about someone who’s just not that into you. You’re waiting on that person to choose you.

    Or you’re teaching someone how to love you. How to talk to you. You tell yourself, “Maybe they’re just not good at expressing their emotions.” They disappear anytime things start to get real and deep.

    You wait for them to come back.

    To choose you.

    To want you.

    You are convinced that this is the real deal. You convince yourself that he’s just busy at work. But in reality, that’s just bullshit. We all know men who really love and want you will go through the depths of the earth to get to you if that’s what it takes. If he wanted to, he would.

    The truth is, when someone genuinely wants to be in your life, you rarely have to spend this much time dissecting their intentions. We all know people make time for what matters to them. We all know what effort looks like when it’s freely given.

    They say they are into you. But then act like talking to you is another chore to be checked off their to-do list. And some can’t even be bothered. They won’t fully commit or leave, but leave you in this limbo state to do the emotional guesswork.

    It’s exhausting.

    And, I am here thinking: Is he into me?

    He must be, or else he wouldn’t be calling, wouldn’t be investing time. But as it turns out, I am wrong.

    And that’s the trap, isn’t it?

    We take crumbs of effort and build entire castles out of them. We fill in the silence with our own hope and then blame ourselves when the foundation collapses.

    So how did we get here?

    How did we collectively accept the idea that modern men are incapable of emotional depth?

    Particularly because men historically have been really great poets, writers, philosophers, authors, painters, and composers. They wrote about love, longing, heartbreak, beauty, grief, and devotion with extraordinary depth.

    Clearly, the capacity exists.

    The older I get, the more I think the problem begins in childhood.

    I remember watching a little boy cry while his father immediately told him, “Stop crying like a girl. Strong men don’t cry.”

    Excuse me?

    How did we decide this was normal?

    We teach boys from an early age to suppress vulnerability, disconnect from their emotions, and equate emotional expression with weakness.

    Then, years later, we wonder why so many grown men struggle to communicate their feelings, navigate intimacy, or sustain emotional closeness.

    Meanwhile, women are often conditioned to interpret this emotional absence as compatibility. We’re told he’s mysterious. Stoic. Independent. Hard to read.

     Emotional unavailability isn’t a romantic mystery — it’s conditioning.

    I’m sorry, but if someone is incapable of showing genuine interest, communicating consistently, or investing effort into getting to know me, I refuse to call that compatibility. I refuse to romanticize emotional unavailability or mistake confusion for chemistry.

    Patriarchy doesn’t just harm women; it stunts men’s emotional growth as well. It teaches them that vulnerability is weakness, emotional expression is embarrassing, and detachment is somehow attractive.

    Then, it rewards them for performing indifference while women are left doing the emotional heavy lifting.

    And yet women are constantly expected to accommodate it.

    Why are women responsible for managing everyone’s emotions?

    Why is emotional maturity treated as our responsibility while emotional avoidance is excused as masculine nature?

    Most women aren’t asking for the moon and the stars. We aren’t demanding perfection. We simply want emotionally intelligent and emotionally available partners.

    When I got back into dating after almost six years, I thought I was the problem. My softness, my “easy-to-talk-to” personality, could be the reason why men (singular, him) didn’t want to invest in me as much.

    What I’ve observed is this: most men want attention without any real intention of committing. They want emotional support without emotional responsibility. They want access without accountability.

    Looking back, even with boundaries as strong as mine, I found myself “teaching” an emotionally unavailable man how to treat me. I was chasing clarity, knowing full well that when it’s not given freely, I already have my answer.

    I explained my feelings to someone who had repeatedly shown me he wasn’t interested in understanding them.

    I spent far too much time waiting for effort that never arrived.

    I wasn’t asking for anything extraordinary.

    I wanted to feel adored.

    I wanted thoughtful communication, genuine interest, and affection that wasn’t dragged out of someone.

    I wanted someone who was excited to hear from me, not someone who treated texting me like another task on a never-ending to-do list.

    Women, meanwhile, are labelled needy for wanting more.

    Too emotional.

    Too demanding.

    Asking for too much.

    But wanting communication isn’t asking for too much.

    Wanting affection isn’t asking for too much.

    Wanting emotional availability isn’t asking for too much.

    Wanting to be loved without constantly questioning where you stand isn’t asking for too much.

    Perhaps the most uncomfortable realization wasn’t that emotionally unavailable men exist. It was recognizing how many women, including myself, are willing to wait for love that is clearly not being offered.

    Why do we stay?

    Why do we cling to potential instead of reality?

    Why do we continue hoping that someone will eventually become the person they’ve shown us they are not?

    Women are taught to hope.

    To nurture.

    To be patient.

    To see the best in people.

    Sometimes we become so attached to the possibility of who someone could be that we ignore who they actually are.

    It’s depressing.

    But hope cannot create intimacy where willingness does not exist.

    Real intimacy doesn’t require endless waiting, fixing, teaching, convincing, or proving your worth.

    It requires presence.

    It requires two people who are both willing to show up emotionally and meet each other halfway.

    When you finally step outside the cult of the unavailable man, something shifts.

    You realize your worth was never dependent on someone else’s capacity to love you.

    Their inability to meet you where you are is not evidence that you are difficult to love. It is evidence that they are unwilling or unable to show up.

    And that is not your burden to carry.

    Ladies, we have to stop accepting breadcrumbs and calling them romance. We have to stop celebrating bare-minimum effort as though it deserves a standing ovation.

    We have to stop waiting for emotionally unavailable people to become emotionally available.

    We deserve consistency.

    We deserve reciprocity.

    We deserve partners who communicate, who care, who are willing to grow, and who aren’t afraid to show us that we matter.

    Most importantly, we deserve to stop confusing potential with love.

    Because I don’t know about you, but I’m still wondering:

    Where the fuck is the romance I was promised when I was a little girl?

    If this resonated with you, share it with a woman who needs to hear it. And subscribe for more.

    xo,

    Yachna

  • Let’s Bring Back Writing Love Letters

    Let’s Bring Back Writing Love Letters

     

    While cleaning my room the other day, I stumbled across an old box full of handwritten love letters, postcards, and greeting cards I have saved since childhood.

    I spent the entire evening reading through them, and it was such an emotional and heartwarming experience.

    The fact that some of these letters were from people no longer in my life made me even more sad. Still, after reading them, I felt so much love and gratitude, as though nothing had changed.

    I can’t quite explain it, but receiving a hadnwritten love letter written just for you makes my heart so warm and full.

    Unlike a text or a DM, a love letter is special—it’s like holding onto a piece of someone’s heart. As texting and sharing memes devour the world, the old-school charm of a handwritten love letter is starting to feel like a distant memory or an endangered species.

    So, in today’s blog post, I am bringing back the lost art of writing handwritten love letters. Grab your cozy blanket and a hot cup of cacao, and let’s write love letters that’ll make hearts melt:

     

    1. Start with something sweet

    Start the letter with something by addressing them with something sweet. You could use a cute nickname you’ve given them or something that feels natural to your relationship.

    This could look like:

    “My Dearest [insert cute mushy nickname],”

     

    2. Write from your heart

    Drop all the pretense and write what’s really in your heart. Be honest and sincere. Write about how they make you feel, things you love about them, things they do to make you feel loved, and specific things about them that make you crazy in love with them. Don’t be afraid to be a little cheesy and corny—love letters are the perfect place for it!

    This could look like:

    “Every day, I fall more in love with you. I love your smile and the thing your forehead does when you’re mad at me. I love to hear you talk about things you love because I can see the passion in your eyes. And I love that you always know what to say to make me smile. You make life magical.”

     

    3. Write about your favourite memories with them

     I love to surprise my boyfriend with love letters often. I’ll start by going through photos of our time together, which helps with remembering the small things we’ve done together that might not stick out immediately in memory. When I reflect on those memories and feel gratitude and happiness from my partner, the letter starts to write itself.

    So, bring back those golden moments you’ve shared, whether it’s your first date, a last-minute road trip to a new city, or just an ordinary day made extraordinary by their presence.

     

    This could look like:

    “I still remember our first date when I spilled wine all over you AFTER calling you clumsy. The first time you held my hand while we were in the car, I felt my heart skip a beat. That night, we slow danced to the romantic playlist you made for me. That evening at the beach, when we sat silently beside each other watching the beautiful sunset, I knew I had found something special.”

     

    4. Add a little humor

    Don’t take this too seriously; be a little funny. Share an inside joke or a funny incident that only the two of you understand. It’ll bring a smile to their face and remind them of special moments you shared.

    This could look like:

    “Do you remember the first time you tried to make me a homemade pizza for our fifth date? You had never made pizza before and wanted to do something special for us. It ended up with pizza sauce exploding on the walls and the kitchen covered in flour. We ended up ordering takeout. At that moment, I realized I could spend hours with you without getting bored.”

     

    5. Write about your dreams and hopes for the future

    Write about something you’d like to experience with them. Like a trip to Spain, or something more fun like joining a pasta-making class together. Whatever you dream and hope of doing with them, express it to them and watch the magic unfold.

    This could look like:

    “I can’t wait to create new memories with you, from lazy Sunday mornings to starting a family. They say home isn’t a place. It’s a person. I spent my entire life looking for a dream home, and now I can finally say I am home.

     

     

    Bonus tips  to make your love letter extra special:

     

    • Choose Beautiful Stationery: I absolutely love cute stationery, and it’s such a bummer that stores like Hallmark have closed down. But there are many places online where you can pick a cute and pretty paper. You might want to go for something that reflects your personal style or something your partner will love.

     

    • Make it personal: After writing a love letter, my favourite thing to do is spray my favourite perfume on the paper so it smells wonderful like me and makes them miss my presence. You could add a little drawing, even if you’re bad at it. This gives a special touch to your letter.

     

    • Handwrite with Love: Your handwriting is part of the charm. So, don’t worry if it’s terrible; the effort and thoughtfulness will shine through.

     

    • Seal with a Kiss: Another of my favourite things is to seal the envelope with a kiss—literally! So, grab your red lipstick and kiss away.

     

     

    Yup, it’s really that simple. So, grab your pen and start writing. You’re welcome 😉

     

     

    xo

    Yachna

     

     

    Featured Image Credits- Pinterest 

     

    Note: If you buy something through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission or have a sponsored relationship with the brand, at no cost to you. We recommend only products we genuinely like. Thank you so much.

     

     

     

  • How I Manifested The Man Of My Dreams

    How I Manifested The Man Of My Dreams

     

    In the summer of 2022, I was single and frustrated with the chaotic dating scene of my life. I was tired of men playing games, sending mixed signals, and ghosting. It was all too exhausting for me to put up with.

    After a particularly discouraging experience with a guy I was talking to, I wrote down a list of all the qualities I wanted in my dream man. Little did I know that this journal entry would change my life.

    Fast forward a month or two, and I meet the love of my life – my best friend, completely unexpectedly. Our relationship is beyond anything I could have imagined. It’s like the universe conspired to bring us together. It’s more than anything I could have scripted, prayed for, or even thought about. I let go of any expectations and trusted the universe, and boy, did it deliver!

    Looking back at my journal entry, I was shocked to see how everything fell into place exactly as I had written. It made me truly understand the power of thoughts and manifestation.

    So, let’s get into how to manifest like a pro.

     

    1. Get clear on what you want, and be as specific as possible.

    I’ve always been a die-hard romantic at heart, never one for casual dating or hookups. It just doesn’t sit right with me. As an INFJ, I seek depth and authenticity in my connections. So, I have always visualized a healthy, long-term relationship for myself and wrote the emotions I hoped to feel when in that relationship.

    For example, I hope to feel completely safe and understood in my relationships. In addition to that, I like to surround myself with people who will always uplift and empower me. What kind of emotions are you hoping to feel in your ideal relationship? Write it down.

     

    2. Do what best feels natural to you

    I love bringing my desires to life using scripting, affirmations, and vision boards. When I script, I always write as if my dreams have already come true. The important thing is to do what feels most natural and exciting for you so you can enjoy the manifestation process.

     

    3. Take action steps in your day-to-day life around it.

    Another way to meet the universe halfway is to do your part. In sticking with the relationship analogy, I wanted a meaningful, long-term connection, so I stopped wasting time on those whose goals didn’t align with mine. Break up with the person you’re staying with because you’re scared to be alone.  Take that leap of faith that affirms you believe it’s real. Dress up, go out with your friends or take yourself out on dates, have fun, be confident, and meet new people. Doing this allows the universe to bring the right person into your life. This is called doing the footwork for the universe.

     

    4.  Focus on feeling and visualizing

    Here’s a brilliant manifestation tip that my friend shared with me. She used it to manifest her perfect partner. Picture yourself experiencing all the glorious details of your dream relationship—the laughter, holding hands, cooking together, or strolling on the beach—whatever symbolizes the ultimate relationship bliss to you.

    The key is to immerse yourself in the vision by adding as many details as possible: the sights, sounds, smells, and most importantly, the feelings. Feel the joy of that deep connection, freedom, safety, and love with that person. The focus should be on the emotions this connection stirs within you.

    Getting caught up in the shallow details of their physical appearance can be limiting, and asking for “man in finance, trust fund, blue eyes” might bring you a gorgeous jerk … again. So, stay open to the surprise the universe has in store for you.

     

    5. Reprogram your mind to attract goodness and live in the end. 

    Know that you’re worthy. Remind yourself of all the goodness within you and all the beauty you already have. When manifesting, do it from a place of feeling complete and deserving, not from a place of lacking or feeling needy. You are loved and cherished by the universe. Come from this place of power and deep connection.

     

    6. Don’t go looking for love; be the love you want in your life, and it will come to you

    Fall in love with yourself first. Only then, you’ll be able to give someone else your unconditional love.

     

    7. Act as if you already are or have something despite what your world shows you.

    Feel it in your bones that your wish is coming to life. Detach yourself from the desperation and restlessness of needing it now. Surrender it all to the mystical universe, which knows when to deliver it in the perfect time and way.

     

    8. Always be grateful

    No matter where you’re in life, be aligned with the energy of gratitude.

     

    9. Become fully content within yourself

    If you want a partner who goes to the gym and cares for their health, you must be that person for yourself first. Similarly, if you’re looking for love, then fill your cup with that love first. In my case, I stopped looking for love. Not in an ‘I don’t need no man’ attitude, but rather, ‘I value love and relationships, but I am also very content in being single forever because I cherish my happiness and life.’

     

    Lastly, here are some of my favourite manifestation tools to add more sacredness to your wish.

     

     

     

     

    Note: If you buy something through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission or have a sponsored relationship with the brand at no cost to you. We recommend only products we genuinely like. Thank you so much.

     

    xo,

    Yachna

     

     

    Featured Image Credits- Pinterest 

     

  • Can You Be Friends With Your Ex

    Can You Be Friends With Your Ex

     

     

    It’s a classic rom-com trope we’ve all seen a million times. We’ve listened to a million love songs about it. And we’ve probably used “the line” at one point or another: “Let’s stay friends, okay?”.

    The idea of being friends with an ex can be complicated. You’ve likely experienced unforgettable, life-changing memories and intimacy with this person, so naturally, there’s a temptation to keep them in your life. Or, you may also be part of the same friendship circle, so avoiding them could mean having no social life.

    I don’t stay friends with my exes, and I avoid dating men who are still best friends with theirs. That’s my opinion, of course; everyone is different. The reason is that after a breakup, I want to heal and move on with my life fresh, without any emotional baggage from the past.

    Healing and growth require a fresh start, free from reminders of past relationships. How can you truly grow if you have a constant reminder of your past mistakes around you, keeping you in a rut?

    Another reason is that some feelings never go away, which is disrespectful to their new partner and my current partner. When I was young and naive, I thought staying friends with my ex after our breakup was a brilliant idea. At the time, it seemed like a good way to ease my pain, even if it was just a temporary fix.

    Looking back, I realize how wrong I was. Trying to be friends only led to more heartache and confusion. It was a tough lesson, but I learned the hard way that staying friends with an ex is usually a recipe for confusion and emotional rollercoasters.

    That so-called “friendship” not only kept me emotionally stuck, but it also held me back from growing personally and moving forward in my new relationship. So, why keep investing in something that’s already over? It’s like watering a dead plant – what’s the point?

    Of course, when you have kids with the person, it’s a different thing; your life will be tangled forever, so it’s good to have a good relationship. I have friends who are friends with their ex-husband.

    Before you consider being friends with your ex, ask yourself these important questions: Can you still be friends with your ex when they fall in love with someone else? Someone you don’t like? Someone else in your friend circle? If you can’t maintain strong boundaries when your relationship is over, or if it causes emotional distress, you’re not prepared to be an actual friend.

    In my experience, lovers and friends can only happen once no romantic feelings are left and no one has a hidden agenda. If you (or the other person) have any hopes of getting back together, it’s very difficult to develop a real friendship.

    While writing this post, I asked some friends for their opinions. Here are some of their responses-

    “I’m very close friends with an ex. I get along great with their partner, it’s no big deal. But we were virtually no contact after the breakup for about a year and a half. That was a proper healing time. Jumping straight back into friendship after a few months, I’m skeptical.”

     

    “I would be friends with my ex after four years of relationship. Even then, I suspect something could have happened between us. I don’t know if I can be friends with my ex. Maybe friends with benefits, but just friends is a no for me.”

     

    ” I am friends with all my exes because they are my friends who know me well and have several years of history together. They are worth their weight in gold as confidants who know me well. I don’t understand wanting to walk away from that just because I used to have sex with the person. As long as you can maintain healthy boundaries, why throw away a good friend just because you used to date?”

     

    “Some people are too valuable and cannot just be tossed aside, especially if the connection is on a much deeper level than the physical intimacy. There is a mutual understanding and appreciation that is rare to find. What’s the difference between a romantic and a platonic relationship? The physical intimacy. Why does everything else also have to be thrown out the window?”

     

    That being said, there’s one ex with whom I am friendly. We don’t see each other or talk often. But when we meet, it’s always pleasant and a good time. And, of course, it helps we weren’t in touch with each other for years. Now he’s happily married, he has no interest in trying to “win me back” or whatever, and I have no interest in dating him again. So, for us, it’s pretty easy to be friends.

    If you decide to be friends with your ex, then boundaries must be discussed and enforced. You cannot just observe how things go. Here are some things I would not do with my ex ever:

     

    1. Go out to dinner with, or drink with, him one on one;
    2. Discuss any aspect of my intimate life with him;
    3. Go into detail or reminisce about our relationship together;
    4. Discuss any problems or issues in my current relationship with him;
    5. Give him advice on any of his relationships, etc;

     

    There’s no right or wrong answer to this question. However, I am very curious to know your opinion on this. Can you ever truly be friends with your ex? Comment below :*

     

    xo

    Yachna

     

    Featured Image Credits- Pinterest 

  • How To Maintain Friendships As An Adult

    How To Maintain Friendships As An Adult

     

     

     

    Last weekend, I attended my cousin’s baby shower, and it was absolutely fantastic!

    I couldn’t wait to reunite with friends I hadn’t seen in over two years. So much had happened during that time—marriages, new babies, and engagements—there was just so much catching up to do.

    Maintaining meaningful friendships can be challenging as we age. Meeting all my friends after so long made me nostalgic for those carefree days when we spent our days doing nothing together.

    When I got home that night, I realized that adulting and responsibilities had replaced our spontaneous hangouts and carefree last-minute trips. I felt sad to see how much time and changed and with it the dynamic of relationships.

    But no matter how busy we are, we must make time for healthy and meaningful connections to nourish our souls. Tight-knit connections are what make life worth living. 

    Although adult friendships are hard, it isn’t impossible with effort, thought, and intention. Here are some ways to make it work-

     

    1) Keep in touch frequently. I understand how hard it can be to reach out, living in our capitalist society that demands our productivity around the clock. I usually text or call someone when I am thinking of them. A simple ‘Thinking of you, hope all is well’ goes a long way. Staying curious about their lives will make maintaining friendships easier. Another fun way to keep in touch is to have an active group chat to share opinions on various topics and memes.

     

    2) Take the time to plan an in-person get-together. If you’re not a fan of phone conversations like me, setting a date to hang out in person can be a great way to keep in touch. Planning out the specifics of your get-together gives you both something exciting to anticipate and more reasons to stay connected.

     

    3) Focus on quality over quantity. Even though you may not be able to speak or see each other as often as you’d like, make it a point to dedicate the time you do have together to creating new memories together.

     

    4) Reciprocate the efforts. Nobody likes a one-sided friendship. Remember that everyone has responsibilities. Don’t let one person be the only one trying to maintain the connection.

     

    5) Celebrate the milestones, remember the small things, and be available for the hard times. Surprise your friend on her birthday. Make an effort to be present for milestones such as weddings, graduations, baby showers, or any celebration. After all, it is said that the best friendships stand the test of time and the ups and downs of life.

     

    6) Be honest. Ditch the silent treatment. Be open and honest in your communication. Don’t let petty misunderstandings get the best of your relationship. Create a safe space in your friendship to have difficult conversations openly and honestly without ruining the relationship dynamic.

     

    7) Have patience, and be there for them. The different life stages my friends and I are going through are pretty incredible. Some are embracing parenthood, some are jet-setting for work, and others are hustling to make their startup dreams a reality. It’s like we’re living parallel lives, but when we catch up, it’s like no time has passed.

    We understand and respect each other’s unique paths, which makes our bond even stronger. I understand that my friend with a newborn might not have time for long catch-up chats, and that’s okay. We adjust to our new role and support each other through the changes.

     

    ……………………………………..

     

    Lastly, I wanted to share my all-time favourite video from Winnie the Pooh, which always brings tears to my eyes. It beautifully captures the sentiment of realizing that growing up often means having less time to simply relax and enjoy moments with our loved ones. It’s a reminder that these small, seemingly insignificant moments actually take up the most space in our hearts.

     

    xo

    Yachna

     

    Do you have any tips on how to maintain adult friendships? I’d love to know in the comments 😀

     

     

     

    Featured Image- Pinterest 

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • How to Not Care What Other People Think of You

    How to Not Care What Other People Think of You

    Have you ever felt like you were walking on eggshells around someone? Like you just can’t seem to do anything right in their eyes no matter how hard you try?

    That’s exactly how I felt the other day when I went to visit my aunt.

    I couldn’t shake off the weird and uncomfortable vibes I got from her. As I walked out of her house, I felt terrible about myself because the silent treatment was so loud. I couldn’t figure out what I had done to offend her, so I discussed it with my cousin later. And what she told me blew my mind!

    My aunty thinks I’m a terrible influence on her daughters because I’m 30 and unmarried.

    Can you believe it?

    It’s unbelievable how people still try to burden us with their outdated expectations and beliefs.

    We’ve all heard the age-old advice that we should “just be ourselves” and “stop caring what others think about us.” However, let’s be real—it’s not that simple.

    Even though we know better, it’s difficult to ignore our desire to be seen, valued, and appreciated by those around us. It’s a natural human desire to be accepted and respected, and we all struggle with it at some point in our lives.

    I don’t feel like the most qualified person to talk about this, but I don’t know what it would take to be the most qualified. Self-esteem is a tricky thing, especially for us women. No matter what we do, we’re always told we need to be “more” of something. It can be exhausting trying to fit into society’s unrealistic standards and expectations of us.

     

    1. Self-awareness

    The truth is, the more insecure and uncomfortable we feel about ourselves, the more we tend to be influenced by others’ opinions. On the other hand, when we’re confident and self-aware, we’re less likely to let outside voices dictate our choices and actions. So, it’s essential to focus on building that inner strength and security and not get too caught up in seeking validation from others. 

     

    2.  Alone Time

    Do you ever feel like your voice gets lost in the noise of the world around you? It’s totally normal! But you know what’s not normal? Neglecting your alone time. 

    Take a deep breath and ask yourself: what are your values? What do you really want? What can’t you stand? 

    By writing down your thoughts and feelings, you develop a strong bond with yourself and become comfortable in your own skin. This way, you’ll stop caring about what people think of you and be more confident in your actions.

     

    3. Keep focusing on what you want 

    Are you truly living the life you want, or are you following someone else’s script for your life? Everyone has unique interests, passions, and hobbies that they love. But when we spend all our energy trying to meet others’ expectations, we neglect our own desires. So, pour your energy into doing the things that truly make you happy and fulfilled!

     

    4. Show gratitude

    There was this one time when I let other people’s expectations of me not being married by 30 get to me. I spoke to my best friend about it, hoping to find some solace. Boy, did he give me some perspective! 

    He reminded me of all the amazing adventures I’ve had, the things I’ve accomplished, and the personal challenges I’ve overcome. He said that if I had gotten married just for the sake of it, I would have missed out on so much. I would have been living a life that I didn’t necessarily want, just to please others. 

    After the conversation, I took a moment to reflect on all the beautiful experiences I’ve had and the personal challenges I’ve overcome to get to where I am today. I had forgotten to be grateful for all I had done. So, I decided to be my own cheerleader, look inward to find validation and take pride in who I am. 

     

    5. Don’t try to make everyone happy 

    No person in the history of humanity has been liked by everyone. And no matter what you do or say, it won’t make you an expectation either. So, don’t try to make everyone happy; you won’t. Fulfilling others’ expectations or opinions of you is not your responsibility. Besides: everyone else is too busy worrying about themselves. So, just like Billie Eilish says, “Your opinion of me is not my responsibility.”

     

    6. Keep death close 

    Our time on this earth is limited, and it’s up to us to make the most of it. Unfortunately, many of us get caught up in worrying about what others think of us, and we end up living a life that’s not truly our own. 

    But here’s the thing: if you knew that your time was running out, what would you do differently? Would you continue to worry about other people’s opinions, or would you finally start living the life you’ve always wanted?

    Remember, people will mourn for a day or two and then move on with their lives. So why not take a step towards the life YOU want to live? Life is too short to do anything else.

    It will always be harder to become someone who doesn’t care what people think, but that’s why you’re a fierce warrior for even trying. And isn’t that kind of exciting? Conquer the world!!

     

     

    xo,

    Yachna

     

     

  • 6 Things Guys Do When They Don’t Like You

    6 Things Guys Do When They Don’t Like You

     

    Attention ladies!

    If you’ve ever found yourself wondering whether the guy you’re talking to is really into you, then listen up.

    Trust me, you don’t want to miss this.

    I’ve been talking to some of my friends and noticed that many girls miss the critical signs that he’s just not that into you.

    So, if your bestie is a bit delulu when it comes to love, pass this on to her!

     

    1. Leaving you on delivered/seen

    Listen up: sending a text takes only three seconds. So if a guy claims he’s too busy to reply to you or can’t be bothered to make an effort, drop him like a hot potato. If he constantly leaves you hanging, it’s time to show him the door. Just drop him and move on, girl! You deserve someone who values your time and effort. 

     

    2. Cancelling plans last minute 

    Let me paint a picture for you: it’s date night, and you’re feeling absolutely fantastic. You’ve gone the extra mile, shaving even where you’re not supposed to shave, picked out the perfect outfit after trying on every piece of clothing in your closet, and did your makeup flawlessly. 

    And just when you’re about to head out the door, your date hits you with the classic “Oh, I have a work thing…” excuse. Come on, let’s be honest here. Guys will do anything to spend time with the girl they like – I’m talking about moving mountains if they have to. 

     

    3. He’s breadcrumbing you

    His replies start getting super dry out of nowhere. I am talking about a short, boring, one-word response. Or worse, leaving you on read.  

     You might think, “Maybe he’s just busy,” but then he suddenly texts you again after a few days and disappears again after a couple of messages. Trust me, he’s just leading you on with breadcrumbs. Don’t fall for it!

    He’s not fully ghosting you yet. He’s keeping you around. 

    You might think, “Well, he’s liking my stories and posts, so he must be into me.” Yeah, that’s a breadcrumb too. 

    Ladies, take note: guys never change their energy with the girls they really like.

     

    4. He doesn’t initiate contact 

    You’re always initiating conversations or sending the first text, and it feels like the other person isn’t as interested as you are.

    “Look! he was so nice and flirty in response, and we actually had such a fun conversation.” you might tell your friend. 

    Yes, he may be lovely and flirty in his responses, but have you ever noticed that he rarely reaches out to you first? This is what gets a lot of women confused.

     I mean, you’re getting all these mixed signals from him, but is he really that interested if he’s not making an effort to talk to you? 

    Instead of getting caught up in his responses, ask yourself how often he’s starting the conversation. That’s what really matters.

     

    5. He’s playing hard to get

    Girlfriend! Let me tell you this: there’s no such thing as he’s playing hard to get. You’re playing too hard to get rid of. Ouch!!! I know it’s harsh, but there’s someone better for you. Let that man go!!!!

     

    6. You just know

    If a guy is into you, it’s pretty damn obvious. You don’t need to go all Nancy Drew trying to uncover hidden clues or secret codes. It’s as clear as day when a guy wants to be with you. 

    And if you’re questioning whether he’s into you, chances are he’s not. 

    Let’s be real – if you have to resort to tarot cards to figure out if he likes you, he’s probably not worth your time. 

    When a guy wants you, he won’t make it a mystery. He won’t try to play games or confuse you. Instead, he’ll make it crystal clear that he’s interested in you.

     

    ………………………………………

     

    I am just telling you this…so you don’t waste your time on a man who’s probably texting another girl as you read this post.

    I know the feeling when you’re hopelessly waiting for someone who’s probably not even thinking about you. Yeah, it sucks. But you don’t have to put up with it!

    Ladies, you deserve nothing but the purest and most genuine love. You deserve to be adored and spoiled by all the love and attention. Don’t settle for less, especially when someone shows you they’re uninterested.

    Trust me, I know it’s easier said than done, but you should never have to beg for love and attention. You should be overflowing with it!

    And you should never feel like your standards are too high. You are amazing and deserve someone who makes you feel that way.

    So don’t waste your time on someone who’s not obsessed with you (in a healthy way, of course).

    Instead, hold out for someone who truly appreciates everything that makes you unique and special.

     

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    Is there anything you’d add to this list? I’d love to hear some of your experiences in the comments below. Stay safe and make smart decisions y’all <3  :*

     

    xo,

    Yachna

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Honor Your Parents

    Honor Your Parents

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

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    P.S.

    A guide to honouring yourself <3

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Let Go Of The People Who Aren’t Ready to Love You

    Let Go Of The People Who Aren’t Ready to Love You

     

    During a recent conversation with a friend, she opened up to me about a guy she’s dating.

    She expressed her frustration saying that she knows she should let go of this guy, as she is tired of all the excuses he gives her.

    Something she said really struck me. She said that a part of her is terrified to let go because she is afraid that if she does, it will be the end of everything, and she’ll never hear from him again.

    Despite his indifference towards her, she finds it hard to walk away, knowing that ending things will make it permanent, and she’s not ready for that kind of finality.

    Her words really resonated with me, and I could feel the weight of her emotions.

    If you, too, are going through this, I am really sorry. It’s a tough time, and you might feel lonely and isolated. Don’t let this get the best of you. It may be painful right now, but the winter never lasts forever- brighter days are ahead.

    It’ll be the most difficult and important thing you’ll do for yourself.

    The truth is, it’s never easy to let go of someone, even when we know it’s for the best. But sometimes, holding on can cause us more pain in the long run.

    If you find yourself being constantly left out, easily forgotten, and fading away from someone’s life, don’t fight to earn a spot in their life.

    It’s so tempting to try harder and impress them, thinking that flipping over backwards will make you special to them. It won’t.

    You are doing yourself a huge disservice by constantly pushing yourself into someone’s life.

    You are worth more than someone who is indifferent to your presence or absence. It’s the worst feeling to be treated like you don’t matter or are insignificant.

    Yeah, it might hurt, but the truth is, you don’t always get to know why things happen. Stop giving your love to those who aren’t ready to love you.

    Accept this loss with class and grace because the truth is, you’ll never be enough for someone who isn’t ready for what you have to offer.

    You can’t allow just anyone to enter your life. That’s not bad bitch behaviour. You must have strong boundaries and be willing to cut ties with anyone who doesn’t treat you with the respect and care you deserve.

    So, stop being sad.

    Pick yourself up, pour your energy into self-improvement, and watch how much progress you make.

    We can’t be everything to everyone, and that’s okay. We should focus on being everything to ourselves.

    When you truly understand your worth and prioritize high-value, meaningful connections, you’ll attract people who align with your frequency.

    And, when we are true to ourselves, we don’t have to force ourselves into someone else’s life.

    Yes, your heart is broken, and life is dark….wait in the darkness for a little bit.

    And then…

    You’ll meet so many wonderful people who’ll love and care for you just as much as you do for them.

    Stay positive and keep shining – you deserve the best, so make space for it!

     

    xo

    Yachna

     

    P.S.

    if you are sad and heartbroken, this is for you. 

  • Why Only The Happily Single Find True Love

    Why Only The Happily Single Find True Love

     

     

    When I was young and naive and didn’t know how to be alone and content on my own, I structured my whole life around this glittery, shiny lovely boy I had just met.

     Life seemed much easier when I was distracting myself with the idea of love and relationship. At the time, I didn’t know what it meant to love myself or how to be alone with myself.

     I didn’t like the idea of spending any time in solitude. It was scary. As a result, I wasn’t nurturing myself or growing as a person.

    It took me a while to realize I wasn’t happy with myself and my life, and I believed a relationship would change that, even when I knew in my gut that this wasn’t the right person or relationship for me. 

    I still couldn’t get myself to leave. I made up excuses to stay. It didn’t feel healthy at all. I compromised my values and romantic ideals just to have someone in my life. 

    On the surface, I was a strong, independent woman full of energy and opinions. But deep down, I cared only to be loved because I was so tired of being lonely. I just wanted to be loved. 

     The relationship was doomed to fail. People need a little space. I knew that. Yet, we spent day and night together, giving each other no room to breathe. I started to feel suffocated. As a result, I started to resent him and eventually made a move to escape.

    After that relationship ended, I took a break from dating and focused on becoming happier and stronger. 

    I took the time to build a life that I love and develop a relationship with myself, which meant doing hard things even when I didn’t feel like it, such as learning how to enjoy my company without needing to surround myself with people constantly. I discovered my likes and dislikes, took up new hobbies, and set boundaries to protect myself. 

    In the past four years, I truly valued being happily single and loving myself. Taking steps to improve myself and prioritizing my progress made me realize that: we cannot choose wisely when being single feels unbearable. 

    We have to be at peace with solitude if we are to have any real chance of starting a healthy and fulfilling relationship. 

    If we don’t know how to be alone, we end up with the wrong people because we choose them out of the need for love and attention. That’s why many people find themselves in a relationship that makes them feel empty and drained. 

    Being single isn’t always as sweet as a piece of cake—especially when all the movies push the concept that you aren’t truly “complete” until you’ve found “the one .” 

    Having spent the past few years utterly single made me realize I am happy to be alone. It’s only when I am reminded by society that being alone is unbearable that I ever feel lonely.

    Until we are sure that being single can be just as secure, warm and fulfilling as being in a relationship, how will we know we choose to couple up for the right reasons?

    Now that I am in a healthy, fulfilling relationship, I genuinely feel that when I did meet my current partner, it wasn’t out of boredom, distraction, or to fill a void; because it added new value to my already complete and fulfilled life.

     

    xx

    Yachna

     

     

    Picture Credits: Pinterest