Sidewalks

Tag: Dating

  • Can You Be Friends With Your Ex

    Can You Be Friends With Your Ex

     

     

    It’s a classic rom-com trope we’ve all seen a million times. We’ve listened to a million love songs about it. And we’ve probably used “the line” at one point or another: “Let’s stay friends, okay?”.

    The idea of being friends with an ex can be complicated. You’ve likely experienced unforgettable, life-changing memories and intimacy with this person, so naturally, there’s a temptation to keep them in your life. Or, you may also be part of the same friendship circle, so avoiding them could mean having no social life.

    I don’t stay friends with my exes, and I avoid dating men who are still best friends with theirs. That’s my opinion, of course; everyone is different. The reason is that after a breakup, I want to heal and move on with my life fresh, without any emotional baggage from the past.

    Healing and growth require a fresh start, free from reminders of past relationships. How can you truly grow if you have a constant reminder of your past mistakes around you, keeping you in a rut?

    Another reason is that some feelings never go away, which is disrespectful to their new partner and my current partner. When I was young and naive, I thought staying friends with my ex after our breakup was a brilliant idea. At the time, it seemed like a good way to ease my pain, even if it was just a temporary fix.

    Looking back, I realize how wrong I was. Trying to be friends only led to more heartache and confusion. It was a tough lesson, but I learned the hard way that staying friends with an ex is usually a recipe for confusion and emotional rollercoasters.

    That so-called “friendship” not only kept me emotionally stuck, but it also held me back from growing personally and moving forward in my new relationship. So, why keep investing in something that’s already over? It’s like watering a dead plant – what’s the point?

    Of course, when you have kids with the person, it’s a different thing; your life will be tangled forever, so it’s good to have a good relationship. I have friends who are friends with their ex-husband.

    Before you consider being friends with your ex, ask yourself these important questions: Can you still be friends with your ex when they fall in love with someone else? Someone you don’t like? Someone else in your friend circle? If you can’t maintain strong boundaries when your relationship is over, or if it causes emotional distress, you’re not prepared to be an actual friend.

    In my experience, lovers and friends can only happen once no romantic feelings are left and no one has a hidden agenda. If you (or the other person) have any hopes of getting back together, it’s very difficult to develop a real friendship.

    While writing this post, I asked some friends for their opinions. Here are some of their responses-

    “I’m very close friends with an ex. I get along great with their partner, it’s no big deal. But we were virtually no contact after the breakup for about a year and a half. That was a proper healing time. Jumping straight back into friendship after a few months, I’m skeptical.”

     

    “I would be friends with my ex after four years of relationship. Even then, I suspect something could have happened between us. I don’t know if I can be friends with my ex. Maybe friends with benefits, but just friends is a no for me.”

     

    ” I am friends with all my exes because they are my friends who know me well and have several years of history together. They are worth their weight in gold as confidants who know me well. I don’t understand wanting to walk away from that just because I used to have sex with the person. As long as you can maintain healthy boundaries, why throw away a good friend just because you used to date?”

     

    “Some people are too valuable and cannot just be tossed aside, especially if the connection is on a much deeper level than the physical intimacy. There is a mutual understanding and appreciation that is rare to find. What’s the difference between a romantic and a platonic relationship? The physical intimacy. Why does everything else also have to be thrown out the window?”

     

    That being said, there’s one ex with whom I am friendly. We don’t see each other or talk often. But when we meet, it’s always pleasant and a good time. And, of course, it helps we weren’t in touch with each other for years. Now he’s happily married, he has no interest in trying to “win me back” or whatever, and I have no interest in dating him again. So, for us, it’s pretty easy to be friends.

    If you decide to be friends with your ex, then boundaries must be discussed and enforced. You cannot just observe how things go. Here are some things I would not do with my ex ever:

     

    1. Go out to dinner with, or drink with, him one on one;
    2. Discuss any aspect of my intimate life with him;
    3. Go into detail or reminisce about our relationship together;
    4. Discuss any problems or issues in my current relationship with him;
    5. Give him advice on any of his relationships, etc;

     

    There’s no right or wrong answer to this question. However, I am very curious to know your opinion on this. Can you ever truly be friends with your ex? Comment below :*

     

    xo

    Yachna

     

    Featured Image Credits- Pinterest 

  • Topics To Avoid On A First Date

    Topics To Avoid On A First Date

     

    Let’s talk first dates!

    They can be pretty awkward. You’re going out with someone you’ve only met for 5 or 10 minutes, or maybe not at all. It’s always a challenge to break the ice with someone you barely know. Personally, I don’t believe in keeping any topic limits because I value respectful, honest, and upfront communication.

    When I want to discuss a potentially sensitive subject, I usually break the ice by asking, “Are we even allowed to talk about X on the first date?” It’s funny to see how people react, and it often leads to some really interesting conversations.

    Of course, some topics are better left for later dates. Here are five topics to avoid on a first date:

     

    1. Your Trauma/Trauma Dumping

    Don’t talk to your date about your laundry list of trauma, years of therapy, and mental illness. It’s a date, not a therapy session. I am a mental health advocate and have gone through my fair share of trauma in life, but this isn’t something to discuss on a first date. Your date didn’t sign up to help you process this.

     

    2. Exes

    First dates are all about having a good time and keeping things lighthearted, fun, and cheerful. It’s best not to bring up any exes. Please don’t talk about how you hate your ex because he ruined your life and left you with trauma. Lastly, avoid generalizing an entire gender based on a negative experience.

    Once you’ve established a connection with someone, there will be plenty of time to discuss these topics. If someone likes you, they’ll be open and accepting when the time is right. But dropping this on a first date is a huge turn-off immediately.

     

    3. Politics

    Politics can be a touchy subject that sometimes leads to disagreements or hurt feelings. It’s usually a good idea to steer clear of political discussions on a first date unless you are open-minded and respectful of each other’s beliefs.

    One of my friends shared, ‘I like to know where my date stands politically. I usually find out before agreeing to go out because I wouldn’t want to date a Republican. What do you think?

     

    4. Religion

    Religion is a sensitive topic for many people, and it’s best, especially if you are not tolerant of other people’s beliefs and religion, not to bring up this topic on a first date.

     

    5. Money

    My friend was excited about this date with a woman he liked. They went to this fantastic restaurant with a sea view and had a great conversation until she dropped a bombshell.

    She flat-out said, “I expect my man to pay for everything, and if this goes any further, I want you to provide for me and take care of my financial needs.” My friend was immediately turned off, and there was no second date after that.

    Talking about money is a huge turn-off on a first date. It’s best to avoid this topic entirely unless your date brings it up first.

     

     

    Lastly, it all depends on the date. Some people you immediately feel comfortable with, open up to and talk about anything and everything. Others you don’t feel comfortable with at all and prefer to keep the conversation on very casual topics such as travel, hobbies, food, and entertainment. 

     

    What would you rather not talk about on a first date? Let’s go in the comments 😀

     

    xo,

    Yachna 

     

     

    P.S.

    Juicy questions to ask your date

     

     

    Featured Image Credits- Pinterest 

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Why Only The Happily Single Find True Love

    Why Only The Happily Single Find True Love

     

     

    When I was young and naive and didn’t know how to be alone and content on my own, I structured my whole life around this glittery, shiny lovely boy I had just met.

     Life seemed much easier when I was distracting myself with the idea of love and relationship. At the time, I didn’t know what it meant to love myself or how to be alone with myself.

     I didn’t like the idea of spending any time in solitude. It was scary. As a result, I wasn’t nurturing myself or growing as a person.

    It took me a while to realize I wasn’t happy with myself and my life, and I believed a relationship would change that, even when I knew in my gut that this wasn’t the right person or relationship for me. 

    I still couldn’t get myself to leave. I made up excuses to stay. It didn’t feel healthy at all. I compromised my values and romantic ideals just to have someone in my life. 

    On the surface, I was a strong, independent woman full of energy and opinions. But deep down, I cared only to be loved because I was so tired of being lonely. I just wanted to be loved. 

     The relationship was doomed to fail. People need a little space. I knew that. Yet, we spent day and night together, giving each other no room to breathe. I started to feel suffocated. As a result, I started to resent him and eventually made a move to escape.

    After that relationship ended, I took a break from dating and focused on becoming happier and stronger. 

    I took the time to build a life that I love and develop a relationship with myself, which meant doing hard things even when I didn’t feel like it, such as learning how to enjoy my company without needing to surround myself with people constantly. I discovered my likes and dislikes, took up new hobbies, and set boundaries to protect myself. 

    In the past four years, I truly valued being happily single and loving myself. Taking steps to improve myself and prioritizing my progress made me realize that: we cannot choose wisely when being single feels unbearable. 

    We have to be at peace with solitude if we are to have any real chance of starting a healthy and fulfilling relationship. 

    If we don’t know how to be alone, we end up with the wrong people because we choose them out of the need for love and attention. That’s why many people find themselves in a relationship that makes them feel empty and drained. 

    Being single isn’t always as sweet as a piece of cake—especially when all the movies push the concept that you aren’t truly “complete” until you’ve found “the one .” 

    Having spent the past few years utterly single made me realize I am happy to be alone. It’s only when I am reminded by society that being alone is unbearable that I ever feel lonely.

    Until we are sure that being single can be just as secure, warm and fulfilling as being in a relationship, how will we know we choose to couple up for the right reasons?

    Now that I am in a healthy, fulfilling relationship, I genuinely feel that when I did meet my current partner, it wasn’t out of boredom, distraction, or to fill a void; because it added new value to my already complete and fulfilled life.

     

    xx

    Yachna

     

     

    Picture Credits: Pinterest

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • 36 Questions To Fall in Love

    36 Questions To Fall in Love


     

    What if dating was as simple as getting to know another person?

    Dating doesn’t have to be a game. It can be as simple as getting to know another person. Discovering the depths of another person is only possible when we show up as our true selves, but we must be willing to let our true selves be seen too. 

    How honest are your dating experiences, really? Lose the games. To make it easier, we’ve compiled 36 honest questions to fall in love 🫶

    Now, take turns answering and asking each question. How do you win? Stay honest. 

    Level 1 

    For what in life do you feel most grateful?

    What are you feeling a lot lately?

    Who in your life do you feel most yourself around? Why?

    What is something new you’ve learned about yourself recently?

    What part of your job energizes you the most? Leaves you the most drained?

    What about you has felt repeatedly misunderstood by others, if anything?

    What are you overthinking right now?

    What’s a non-negotiable in your life?

    What does friendship mean to you?

    What did the people who raised you teach you about love? How has that shaped your views on love today?

    Which one of your parents’ personality traits do you want to keep? Let go of?

    If you could change anything about how you were raised, what would it be? Why?

     

     

    Level 2 

    How do you define dating?

    Describe your worst heartbreak. What did it teach you?

    Has sex ever been a deal breaker in your past relationships? Explain. 

    Have you ever considered an open relationship? Why or why not?

    Do you have any unconventional opinions when it comes to romantic relationships?

    When was the last time you ghosted someone, and why?

    What was the worst date you’ve ever been on?

    What dating advice would you give your younger self?

    What’s the hardest part about dating you?

    How has your view on love evolved, if at all?

    What have you tolerated from others that you no longer have space for?

    What has being single taught you about yourself?

    I know I really like someone when (fill in the blank)

    Share something you typically wouldn’t do on a first date. 

    How emotionally available do you currently feel? 

     

     

    Level 3 

    What do you think I was like in high school?

    Just by looking at me, what do you think I do for a living?

    What was the first thing you noticed about me when we met in person?

    What are your three favourite physical features of me? Write them down and read them out loud. 

    What about me intrigued you besides my physical appearance?

    What do you think my type is? Describe in detail. 

    How many relationships do you think I’ve been in? How many times have I been in love? Explain.

    What do your friends know about me, if anything?

    For what in life do you feel most grateful?

     

    Share this with someone who needs it <3

     

    xx

    Yachna

     

    (Pics in the order they appear: Pinterest, ‘Hands’ by Tony Belobrajdic, Sundays are for lovers.)

     

     



  • 12 Sexy Ques To Spark Your Date Night

    12 Sexy Ques To Spark Your Date Night

     

    Are you too guilty of spending too much time mindlessly scrolling through your phone? A few days ago, I went out for dinner at a restaurant and noticed so many couples out for dinner, sitting in silence, faces lit up by the screens of their phones. 

    I am guilty of doing the same with my family or friends. It made me realize that my phone addiction is taking so much time away from being present in my life. It’s easy to get lost in other people’s stories while forgetting to live and love our own.

    We are slowly losing the art of communication, creating deep loneliness within us. I miss my flip phone days. No mindless scrolling that often leaves me uninspired. Now, texting is much easier than picking up the phone and calling someone. I hate that I am guilty of it.

    We are all secretly craving time to slow down. To feel a lot more calmer and relaxed. To have more time to sit and read a book. Reconnect with your people. And to be creative.

    Conversations are so important. Whether you’re a couple or just “close friends,” spark up your date night with these 12 sexy questions- 

    1. If we were role-playing an intimate evening, what characters would we be?
    2. What part of my body do you like the most?
    3. What part of your body are you most proud of?
    4. What is something better than sex?
    5. What would you do if you could take off a month of work and responsibilities?
    6. What thing about me turns you on the most?
    7. Does size really matter?
    8. What does food porn mean to you?
    9. Tell me a time when you felt really close to me.
    10. What was your first impression of me?
    11. What song puts you in a sexy mood?
    12. Other than your lips, what is your favourite part of your body where you like to be kissed?

    Thoughts? Would you ask any of these? What are your tips to spark up a date night? I’d love to know in the comments. 

     

    P.S.

    14 questions to get to know your crush on a deeper level <3

     

    (Pic Credits Itzan Escamilla and Ester Exposito)



  • 29 And Single? Own it!!

    29 And Single? Own it!!

    One person is all that everybody needs. That one true love which makes our world go around. That person who lights up our world and makes it magical.

    Ever since I was a little girl, I heard one message louder than the others: finding a man and settling down was the epitome of a woman’s accomplishment.

    I turn 29 today, and I am still…single. And, I can confidently say that I am happy. And, believe me when I say happiness is a journey. Not a destination. However, in the past few months I spent in India, every family member, relative, and even an immigration officer had only ONE thing to say: “you are 29 now. It’s time to find someone and get married, now!!!

    So naturally, I do feel the pressure of finding the one. Not because I want to, but because it doesn’t help either that most of my friends are engaged, married, expecting children or already mothers! So, I am told I am the only one left behind. As if it’s some race. It isn’t, but it sure seems like it.

    I am even told that “being picky and choosy at this age doesn’t work” and that I must compromise and agree to the next best thing…else before I realize I will be 35 + single and hating my life.

    The message is loud and clear that no matter what a woman accomplishes, her worth measures down to this one thing: finding a man.

    Marriage and motherhood are not every woman’s calling. I hate that we, women, are told that we will never, ever, have a shot at love and will be deemed ‘unworthy’ by the time we’re 30 if we choose to stay single.

    STOP telling women that marrying the next best thing is the ONLY real accomplishment. And that women who choose to stay single are looked at as failures.

    Don’t get me wrong…

    I am not against marriage. We are all wired for love and companionship. But, it needs to be done for the right reasons because I found the right person to share my life with, not in desperation that I am approaching my 30s and definitely NOT because all my friends are married and have kids.

    There are so many unhappy and broken marriages that need never have happened. There is no reason why you, or any particular woman, should marry at any time if you don’t feel like it – let alone before 30 years old. You don’t need a man to complete you. You want only one man who complements you.

    Ladies! Don’t subscribe to society’s limitations. There’s no time limit, and there are no rules to this life. Travel as far as you can. Fall in love with the different cities. Meet people with a different point of view. Create a life you are proud of. Focus on your dreams, and your dreams will focus on you. Focus on a man, and he’ll focus on another woman.

    Don’t go through life trying to be small, accomodating, and being a convenience for others. Pour all your energy into becoming a confident, independent, and high-value woman. We only live once. Do it your way and on your terms.

    Be fierce. Be fearless. Speak up even when your voice shakes. Own your power by reminding yourself that you write your life stories, nobody else. Let them call you a rebel for it!

    xx

    Yachna

    P.S.

    Heartwarming stories of love, & comforting post for broken hearts.

    (Featured Image by sheseesthestars)

  • 8 Psychologist-Backed Ways To Move On After A Break Up

    8 Psychologist-Backed Ways To Move On After A Break Up

    When I was 22, my boyfriend and I broke up after three years of dating. One summer afternoon after our lunch date, he abruptly ended the relationship. No fights. No arguments. “We can’t be together anymore.” It was as simple and as complicated as that. 

    My heart was shattered. I had convinced myself that I would never be happy again. How could I ever love someone else again? His sense of humour, his love and affection for me, the way he’d do silly things to make me laugh. 

    That day I learnt that the easiest thing that can change in the world is a person’s heart. 

    First, there’s a denial period. Then, those jolting 2 am reminders leave a lingering pain. Those long sleepless nights where you are struggling with the what-ifs. 

    “You are better off without him” your friends comfort you, but you don’t feel better off. You stalk his social media ten times a day because self-destruction is now your middle name. 

    Heartbreak hurts, even when it’s the best thing, even when we know it’s right, and even when we aren’t sure.

    Since wallowing and eating nothing but gallons of ice cream and tons of pizza is only fun for an hour. Here are eight things I have learnt, including thoughtful words from people wiser than me. I hope they bring you comfort too-

    1) Listen to the beat of your heart

    Your friends know you the best. Lean on them. Some friends might suggest you swear off dating altogether, while the others might set you up with a rebound situationship. Only you know what feels right for you. Follow your heart and your intuition because they guide you towards the light. 

     

    2) It’s okay to not be okay

    Nothing compares to the sadness and emptiness you feel when going through a broken heart. Nobody knows how many pieces you have to put back together or how many nights you spend wondering what went wrong. 

    Not only are you mourning the loss of love and partner but also the life that you had planned together. These feelings don’t disappear overnight. In the words of Lao Tzu, “nature does not hurry yet everything is accomplished.” So, let the pain consume you…and then heal you. 

    3) Nurture your body

    Your body is a temple. Worship it. You feel the grief of the heartbreak in your body. It was an incredible way of getting over the breakup. Working out releases the same chemicals you do when you are in love.

    4) Connect with something bigger

    Go out for a long walk in nature. Release your emotions in your journal, practise daily meditation, read a book, join a yoga group or take up gardening. Connect with something bigger than yourself…and suddenly everything seems small. The goal is to take up anything that makes you feel rejuvenated and grounded. Doing this creates space for new, fresh, beautiful things again.

    5) Give yourself a break 

     The painful memories of anger, resentment, guilt, and shame will hit you like a whirlwind. Forgive yourself and your partner for all the things that went wrong. You learned a lot from each other. Value your time together and let it go. Even though it’s over, it hadn’t been a waste. Every day is a gift, so make a decision … to no longer fill moments of your life with unproductive emotions that drain your energy. 

    6) Take yourself out on dates

    Convince yourself to spend alone time with yourself. Go for a solo road trip with no destination. Explore a new city. There’s something arriving in a stranger city wandering empty streets with no destination.  Do whatever it is that sparks your soul. And, do it by yourself. This time that you spend recreating yourself will be the most challenging and most rewarding time of your life. 

    7) Remember: you are not alone

    Countless people are going through the pain of heartbreaks. A few of my friends who were familiar with the woes of a breakup shared their worst breakup stories with me. And then, I discovered an interesting love column called Modern Love, where there’s an essay on all kinds of heartbreak situations. I felt less lonely in my heartbreak, knowing that countless people have gone through devastating breakups, nasty divorces, and betrayals.

    8) You’ll be happy again.

    When you’re heartbroken, it’s hard to imagine ever feeling differently. But, one day, the sun will shine again, warming up your heart. And, you will realize that you are much stronger and more beautiful as a result of this breakup.

    Sharing this beautiful quote by Nayyirah Waheed – 

    “Someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready.”

     

    What advice would you add? Have you gone through a breakup recently? Are you going through one right now? If so, I’m sorry you are going through this. Sending you the biggest hugs!!! It’s the worst!! I promise you’ll get through this. 

    xo

    (Pic Credits from top to bottom: Meghan Diniz, 90scigarettes, & livingwildmoments. )

  • 10 Surprising Reasons You Fear Intimacy

    10 Surprising Reasons You Fear Intimacy

    Isn’t finding love and happiness considered the pinnacles of life goals?

     Endless research suggests that the key to happiness is in the quality of your relationships. We spend years to find where our hearts belong. 

    When we finally get the answer, sometimes we can’t help but run away in fear. 

    “It’s good to be true,” we tell ourselves; the self-destruction begins. 

    Painful memories, messy breakups, and unhappy childhood memories lead us to push away those we love the most often without meaning to. 

    Having a fear of intimacy and letting someone is entirely normal, especially if you’ve had several failed relationships or have emotionally distant parents. 

    We spend so much time in indecision. Contrary to what we have been fed all our lives, opening yourself to someone and being vulnerable is not for the faintest of hearts.

    With that being said, here are 10 surprising signs that you might be suffering from a fear of intimacy.

    1) Abandonment Terrifies You

    Fear of intimacy stems from the unresolved fear of abandonment. Those who grew up with emotionally distant parents then you’re most likely to develop this fear. You create a positive view of yourself but a negative view of others. You think to yourself, “the only person I can truly count on is myself.” You feel it’s always better to leave first before someone leaves you behind, again. It’s easier to not let people in because then it won’t hurt when they leave. You struggle with long-term romantic commitment and, in some cases, even friendships. 

    2) You’ve Never Been in a Relationship

     …and it’s terrifying. If you’ve never been in a relationship, the idea of sharing deep personal intimacy and vulnerability can seem overwhelming and scary to the point where you feel like it’s better to stay single than to have any lover’s woes. 

    3) You Are Fiercely Independent

    Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with being independent. After all, who doesn’t want to be self-sufficient, knowledgeable, and competent? But, you should also know when to ask for help. Being too independent, you take pride in never needing anything from anyone. In many ways, it makes you feel in control of your life and helps you keep an emotional distance from people. You never allow yourself to depend on anyone or need them. Your independence gives you the freedom of keeping everyone at arm’s length. 

    4) You always fall for the wrong one

    Do you have a history of falling in love with the wrong people? Do you find yourself attracted to emotionally distant and unavailable people? Maybe abusive, unfaithful, and rude too? Picking partners that are not healthy can be seen as a sign of fear of intimacy because it allows you to not get too close to a person. You may find dark, damaged, and aloof people more appealing because you don’t have to worry about a stable and secure relationship with them. You also turn away people that offer security and stability. 

    5)  You feel you ‘should’ be dating

    You feel pressured because of the assumption you ‘should’ be dating at this point because you’re in your late 20s or even 30s. You’re just a happily single person. You find yourself fearing and running away from relationships. Know that it’s completely normal, and you’re not alone in feeling this. 

    6) You tend to be flaky 

    Being flaky means committing to do things but rarely following through with them. When people get close to you, your instinct is to push people away. Have you ever shared something personal and intimate about yourself with a person and then ghosted them? Having an honest and emotional conversation with someone scares you. So, you try to keep your distance by not getting too close to them. When someone comes too close to you, you can’t help but run away in the opposite direction. 

    7) You’re a perfectionist 

    If you’re a perfectionist, then chances are you have a tough time letting others see the flaws in you. You’re afraid you might be rejected because of them, or maybe you are too scared to even admit to yourself that you have any flaws in the first place. You tend to intimidate people by always putting up a perfect front. People may even find it hard to match up to your level. Keeping up with the show helps nobody here. Remember to be open and vulnerable with people you care about. Choose to trust them enough to see and accept your flaws. 

    Have you heard of the Japanese concept of ” wabi-sabi”? It is about loving what’s flawed, asymmetric, and often broken. It’s a view or thought of finding beauty in every aspect of imperfection in nature. It is to come over our tendency to have superiority and inferiority complexes. By this, I mean that this “self” you will love is an imperfect entity constantly changing. 

    8) The Ghost of your past relationships

    Has this ever happened to you: you’ve had many different healthy intimate relationships, and none of them ever works out? You find yourself giving hope that you’ll ever find someone. With each breakup, your faith gets dimmer in finding your “the one.” 

    9) You are a workaholic

    When you’re practically married to your job, it leaves no room for any serious relationship whatsoever. Or, you focus on work too much because it helps you divert your attention from having to confront your personal issues. Your career has become an excuse to not form any healthy, long-lasting relationships. People afraid of intimacy find it easier to pour all their energy into work to avoid committing to something serious. If you are a workaholic, then ask yourself: is this the reason why?

    10) You sabotage your relationships

    It goes without saying that if you fear intimacy, then you sabotage your relationships. This self-destructive behaviour only robs you of the opportunity to have a happy and healthy relationship. You may be doing this unknowingly by not expressing your feelings to others. Or you deliberately doing things you know could upset or hurt the people you love. Did you know that research shows that people who cheat on their partners have a deep fear of intimacy?

    By the time we recognize these patterns in ourselves, we are already set in our ways. Healing from our emotional baggage is a long process. It can take years to fully let go of things that weigh us down. However, it doesn’t always have to be this way. With diligence, support, and awareness, you got this. The journey of thousand miles begins by simply taking the first step. The first step here is simply noticing the signs. 

    Did you find yourself nodding along to any of these signs? Now that you recognize these signs in you, are you finally ready to overcome this damaging fear of intimacy? Did you have anything else to add? Let us know in the comments below. Do not forget to send this to anyone who can benefit from this.

     

    xx

    Yachna

    P.S.

    How do you know it’s time to walk away from that draining relationship?

    (Featured Image Veryrealfasntasy)

  • 14 Questions To Ask Your Crush.

    14 Questions To Ask Your Crush.

    Does your mind draw a blank when you’re talking to your crush?

    So many thoughts rush to your head when you’re talking to your crush, one of the frequent ones being, “oh no, what do I say?”

    Getting to know your crush can be an exciting and nerve-wracking feeling all at the same time. Sometimes, you may find yourself in awkward silence, not knowing what to say (no, thank you).

    We, as humans, deeply desire emotional intimacy, which is why I have put together 14 questions to ask your crush. Grab some wine and cozy into these nostalgic conversations to connect with your crush on a deeper level. 

    HOT TIP:  If your conversation takes a turn, and you aren’t sure where it’s headed, just listen. You always look like a great communicator when you listen.

    1) Who is the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else?

    It could be one of their family members, childhood friends, co-workers, or maybe even their hairstylists. Their answers could reveal the depth of their relationship with others and the kind of relationships they seek with others. 

    2) Where is your favourite place? 

    Everyone has a special place, a place where they go to disconnect from reality, clear their mind and connect with their deeper self; it could be their grand ma’s house where they spent their summers or only a place where they feel relaxed, or that special place perhaps is their dream city or a vacation spot.  

    3) If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

    Maybe your crush has always wanted to learn a musical instrument or a language? Upon asking this question to a friend, she immediately replied, ” I wish I had skipped school more often. I could have missed a day and still learned what I needed to.”

    Get creative with this one 🙂

    4) Complete the sentence: I wish I had someone with whom I can share… 

    Let yourself be surprised with this one! Maybe your crush is a foodie and wants to explore their love for food with someone. Or, they love dancing in front of the mirror and wished they had someone to share their goofy side with.

    5)  Share a positive characteristic you consider about your crush. 

    Tell them what you admire and respect about them. Giving compliments and being vocal about them deepens the bond between any two people almost instantly. Maybe you like that they are always on time, keep their word, or they make you laugh. Use this as an opportunity to compliment the things you like about them.

    6) What’s the song you listen to on repeat? (<333333)

    Listening to someone’s favourite song, it’s like mentally holding their hand. There is not a deeper intimacy than listening to your favourite music together.

    7) For what in life do you feel most grateful?

    Gratitude is an emotion that makes a person feel happier. Tap into the simplistic beautiful things of life by unlocking the magic in this question.

    8) Do you have a favourite book? A line in a piece of literature? A poem? Why is it special to you?

    My favourite!!

    Maybe it’s a book that remained with them ever since they read it or a story that influenced their life somehow, or perhaps they love to read travel books to learn about different people and cultures around the world. Di

    9) If you could invite anyone in the world to dinner ( dead or alive) who’d it be? 

    What a fun question! Your crush could name their favourite celebrity, a god, or it could be something more personal like a deceased loved one they wished to spend more time with.

    10) If you could take one day off to do anything you want, how would you spend the day? 

    I once asked my friend this question curious to know how’d she spend her perfect day. Her response was so profound, “I would not like to do, I would just like to be. To have a planless day, to live in the moment, to enjoy the company of my loved ones unrushed, to stop and smell the flowers.”

    Her response was of the most beautiful perspectives on the question.

    11) What is the most beautiful thing in the world? 

    We are all so different from each other and it’s these differences that makes us so beautiful and unique. Asking someone what’s the most beautiful thing in the world invites you into your crush’s world perspective. 

    12) What would you consider to be your deepest fear? 

    We cannot know a person’s life and its challenges at a glimpse. We all carry our own deep fears and insecurities within us. Through this question, it opens up space for being vulnerable, leading to a more meaningful conversation. 

    13) If you died tomorrow, what would you wish you had done?

    This question opens up a person’s deepest desires. Not always are we vocal about our dreams in fear of it being silly, made fun of or even leaving it for tomorrow. Life can be so unexpected. If we are brave enough to follow our heart, it leads us to a beautiful destination. This question could spark a little fire in both of you to carpe diem!!

    14) What scene in a movie has evoked the most feelings out of you?

    We all have a movie that has moved us, inspired and sparked an emotion in some way or other. It could be a character, story, theme or a mood. Watching that movie can make them slip into their little world. Discussing themes, plots and story of your movies will add on to the fun and depth of the conversation.

    Have you ever thought of asking any of these questions to your crush? Do you have any questions that you’d like to add? Let me know in the comments below 🙂

    Sending the biggest hugs your way 🙂

    P.S.

    An awesome dating tip 🙂

    xx

    Yachna

    (Picture Credits in the order they appear: Featured Image in.a.relationship.with.freedom, wildchldd, Paris photo by Anthony Delanoix, viintageheart, vintageefeeling, and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button).

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  • How Do You Know Your Partner Is The One?

    How Do You Know Your Partner Is The One?

    Previously, we have talked about various things such as dating, ghosting and pregnancy. Lately, I have been mulling over the question: How do you know when a person is right for you? What makes a partner the one?

    Anytime a couple that has been together for a long time tells the story of how they met, they can always pinpoint the moment in which they knew they found “the one.”

    It’s said, there is that moment of clarity, where you realize you would rather be with this person than anyone else in the world. However, there are also many small moments leading up to such an incredible epiphany.

    Keeping that in mind, I reached out to a few couples (friends, acquaintances and strangers) to share their answers to THE question. Their answers melted my heart, surprised and amused me…

    It felt inevitable. 

    “I knew he was special when our first date lasted five hours, and we had already planned our second date two days later. Fast forward four months later on one busy Friday evening, we were standing in line to pay for Costco’s taco kit. I was going to ask him a question, and he cut me off and asked, ” what do you want for dessert?”, to which I replied, “ice-cream,” He then said to answer your previous question, “No.” I looked at him, surprised and said, “What was that the answer to?”. To that, he replied, “No, I don’t want fries!” That’s when I knew he was the one!” Jasmeet

    Photography by Aspen & Ash Photography

    We always knew.

    We met when I was 15. And, had known each other for quite a few years. We had pretty much always crushed on each other till we finally got together when I was 19. We were still dating other people but always felt this pullback to each other when we were single.

     He always told me there were these little moments that confirmed in his mind I was the one. Four months in dating each other, we confessed we loved each other. However, I knew he was the one when I opened up to him about my sexual assault as a child six months into dating. 

    I was going to court against my abuser. I knew that if there was ever a moment that could break our relationship, this was it. But, he never hesitated. Instead, he showed his full love and support for me. I had a preliminary trial that lasted three days not long after I told him about it, which progressed into three more days of court and years of fighting for justice. He was there every day, every step of the way. He was the one he was home. And, seeing him accept and love me without hesitating despite the PTSD I faced, and the anxiety of it all told me he would love me forever. 

    He was the one. He proposed a year later. And have been married for six years. We haven’t looked back since. We’ve created a new life together.” Meghan

    We started off as friends.

    “We met at the most unexpected moment of my life. It was not love at first sight, nor did I get butterflies when we first met. He was actually my designated driver for the party we were going to that night. We did start to form a connection during the party, danced a bit, and even pecked a kiss. However, in my mind, it was all still friendly.

    I knew that this man could potentially be my lover because of how naturally everything came into play. I felt like we became really good friends right away, and then the intimacy later developed around our already evolved friendship.

    I knew Nacho was the guy for me when he started to bring me food every weekend or invited me to his place to eat because he knew I was too busy to cook for myself. As funny as it sounds, I saw his genuine care for me as a person, and I knew that if I want to go anywhere in life, having someone who supports me would be essential, and to see that so early on in our relationship was really comforting.

    We are closer than ever now, he is my best friend and lover in one. We motivate each other to achieve our goals and support one another along the way, I could not have asked for a better partner in this life journey.” Shabo

    He has always been the one.

    Paawan and I were classmates, and one day out of the blue, he just asked me out. I think we both were 13 years old then. We were not in love when we started going out, but gradually it turned into that.

    However, we broke up when we were 17. Not that we didn’t love each other. That, I was moving away to a boarding school in a different city. The long-distanc didn’t work. I was devastated after the breakup. Years passed, and, both of us had our separate lives. We moved on and dated other people.

     I knew he was the one when my other relationship ended. I was contemplating the kind of partner I wanted in my life. And all my answers led to him. 

    When I was at my lowest in life, he was there to pick me up. I remember a particular night when I was feeling the lowest I ever had in my life. That night, he stayed with me on call the entire night. After that night, I decided I wanted to give us another chance. We discussed it, and a few weeks later, he asked me out again, and I said yes, and there’s been no looking back since then!” Sidi

    I just knew she was my person.

    “My partner and I matched on Tinder. She charmed her way into my life and became a significant part of it very quickly. She is captivating, caring, adventurous, extremely beautiful, and we “get” each other. I can’t help but wonder, “how did I get so lucky?”

    This February, we went for a weekend getaway to Banff. And, one big thing about me is that I LOVE mountains. Being there with her, I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. I was mesmerized with her more than mountains, and I didn’t think that was ever possible. And, the most beautiful part of it all is that admitted to feeling precisely the same way. There’s no guessing, no games, just a mutual knowledge that this is it. It’s us from now on.” Charlotte

    These stories were simply beautiful. Talking to actual humans made the answer to a seemingly complex question so much more straightforward than google. I would love to open the floor for anyone that wants to share their stories.

    Are you currently in a relationship? How did you know your partner was the one? I would love to know.

    P.S.

    A super awesome dating tip.

     

    xx

    Yachna